


To Be Loved

by VividDayDreamer



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: AgentCorp, Alex is Kind of a Dork, Angst, BFFs, Canon Elements Taken - Mashed into Different Timeline, Character Study, Childhood Memories, Death Threats, Denial of Sexuality, Depression, Don’t copy to another site, Drowning, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, F/F, Freeform, Fresh Starts, Friendship, Glimpses into Lena's Past, Kara accidentally outs Alex, Kissing, Lena's Baggage, Lex Was a Great Brother to Lena - Pre-Craziness, Lex's Words Molded Lena, Lillian is always a threat, Mild Language, Not Canon Compliant, ReignCorp, Relationship(s), Sam is Everything to Lena, Sexual Content, Stories of Lena and the Luthors, Stories of Lena's Real Parents, agentcorp endgame, and her ways of dealing with it, break ups, college hook-ups, inner turmoil, jealous lena
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-01-15 06:35:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 39
Words: 49,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18493402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VividDayDreamer/pseuds/VividDayDreamer
Summary: Lena struggled to deal with issues stemming from the personal baggage she'd carried for years. It was only in the past 3 years that she'd noticed how much it was affecting her mood day-to-day. But, eventually she found a way to push those thoughts and feelings aside and move on with her life. It wasn't until a night with Alex Danvers, that she loses all control over her self, that she decides she needs to get away from everyone, and figure things out.





	1. Alex Tipped the Scales

**Author's Note:**

>   
> 
> 
> Things of Note:
> 
>   * Title may change later
>   * Tags will get updated with most chapter updates
>   * **Story will contain some graphic descriptions of violence, or may have some trigger warnings. The chapter containing them will have the warning in the summary section. HEED THEM. You've been warned.**
> 

> 
>   
> 
> 
> Also, I've been struggling with writing the past week. My head's just not in the game, and I just needed to write something. So, that being said, this is probably not going to be my best work, sorry.
> 
> But, as always, I love getting feedback (kudos or comments). Helps me know what works on here, and how I'm doing with my writing, so, please lemme know :)
> 
>  
> 
> Comment below, or find me on [Tumblr](dreamsescapeus.tumblr.com)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
> 
> 
> Sooo...I feel like this fandom is totally affecting what I write, and the way I write. I haven't decided if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but....I'm really noticing a change.
> 
> That said, somehow my writing also has me leading towards smut-not-really-smut content. I wonder why.... 🤔 Anyway, I'm not there..yet? I haven't been driven off that cliff...
> 
> This is the only chapter I've gotten close to doing that with, so, ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
>  
> 
> And....Enjoy!
> 
>   
> 

**Present Day**

  


Everyone has breaking points. Even Lena Luthor.

She hated to admit it; the idea of defeat, but some things were inevitable. You can't win all the battles. Sometimes, you just need to step away, and reset. At least that's what her therapist told her.

Lena had been struggling with a lot of personal issues these days, and she was trying to get by. At the behest of her friends, she started going to therapy, and while it seemed to be helping with some of the day to day concerns, it had yet to solve her main problem. For the past few months, she's at least figured out how to deal with it. However, something new came into her life. It was unexpected, and it managed to tip the scale of emotional balance she barely kept in check. Now, things are even worse, and she's barely holding it together. 

That breaking point happened after she woke up that morning, remembering what happened with Alex the night before.

  


* * *

  


_Lena was working late one evening, her eyes dry and strained as she stared at her computer screen. She leaned back and sighed. The business proposition she was preparing was taking too much time. Her brain was no longer comprehending what she was reading, as she re-read the same paragraphs over and over again. It was then that she received a text message._

__

__  
_[8:04 pm] Agent Danvers: "Hey, you busy?"_  
_[8:04 pm] Me: "Quite, but may be calling it quits soon. What's going on?"_  
_[8:05 pm] Agent Danvers: "Need a drinking buddy. Join me?"_  
_[8:05 pm] Me: "Gladly."_  
_[8:06 pm] Agent Danvers: "Great. I'll come pick you up."_

  


_About 45 minutes later, there was a knock on her door. Lena looked up from her screen and saw Alex hovering in the doorway._

  


_"Come on in, Alex. I won't bite, I swear," she teased._

  


_Alex smiled bashfully._

  


_"Just didn't want to bother you. You looked like you were concentrating on something important."_

_"Trying to. Wasn't getting much anywhere with it. My brain is fried," Lena answered._

_"Well then, that sounds like an invitation to drink if I ever heard one, " Alex chuckled._

_"You dork," she said, smiling as she smacked her arm. "Lead the way."_

  


_They ended up going to one of the bars that Alex preferred to go to. It was a Thursday night, so there was more people there than usual, but, for being a off-the-beaten-path dive bar, it wasn't as crowded as any of the other well-known spots. They drank for a bit, matching each other shot for shot, as they tried to one up one another with the many terrible things that they had to deal with that day. Needless to say, they got drunk fairly quickly._

  


_Alex's laughter trailed off._

  


_"Seeeee...I knew you'd be the right person to call, gurlll," she teased, finger gunning at her direction._

  


_Lena raised her brow, her eyes partially heavy, but laughed immediately at Alex's gestures._

  


_"What the hell was that?" she giggled harder than she should have because of the alcohol, as tears came out of her eyes._

  


_Alex blinked heavily for a bit, then tried to open her mouth to explain, but nothing valid came to mind._

  


_"Ugh, I'm sorry. That's...that's all Winn. I'm blaming it on Winn," she nodded furiously, as if she was convincing herself of the reasoning._

  


_Alex's motions were sloppy and Lena continued to laugh, but it slowly tapered off._

  


_"Ahhh...oh god, Alex. I so needed this. Thank you," she said, lightly wiping at her eyes._

_"My pleasure, milady," she responded, attempting to bow her head gracefully, but instead, knocked her head against the table._

  


_Lena couldn't help but burst out laughing, before coming close to her to check if she was okay. Much to her surprise, Alex immediately stood back up and rubbed her head, hoping to regain some dignity. When she gazed upon Lena's face, who was clearly holding back her laugher, she couldn't help but follow suit, giggling just as hard. When they finally caught their breaths and the laughter subsided, Lena looked over, placing both her hands on Alex's cheeks, and tilted her head down._

  


_"Whoa, Lena..what..?" Alex stuttered, nearly caught off-balance from the sudden pull of her head._

_"Relax, Agent. Just checking to see how bad you hit your head," she explained, trying to focus, as she was fighting off the way the room was slightly spinning._

  


_Alex bit her lip. Their faces were close enough. She looked at Lena's eyes, but they were still attempting to focus on her forehead. She then dropped her gaze to the woman's red lips. The agent swallowed hard, debating on what to do. She's had a crush on the CEO for quite some time now, but never acted on it. Until now. Her eyes flicked upward once more, and this time, her eyes met those green ones. They were hazy, but her lingering stare conveyed a subtle message; a need of sorts. Alex didn't spend any time analyzing it, and took it for what she saw: her chance. She immediately leaned in and pressed her lips against Lena's, with the woman's hands still on her face._

_The kiss was slow and caressing at first. And short. Alex suddenly pulled away, a slight inkling of her conscience telling her that she probably shouldn't have done that._

  


_"Lena, I—"_

  


_Before she could finish, Lena's hands pulled the agent's face close to her own, crashing their lips once more. This time, there was a deep need behind it, and it turned Alex on. The kiss got heated. Their lips entangled with rhythmic movements, mouths opening as tongues passionately glided across their lips, and gained entrance. Lena's teeth clenched at Alex's bottom lip and tugged with purpose, slightly sucking on it before releasing. Alex's hands moved onto Lena's waist, pulling her even closer. When their chests touched, Lena shifted her hands, grabbing onto the back of Alex's neck, while the other ran roughly through the agent's hair. They pulled apart slowly, gasping for air, as their hearts beat ferociously in their chests._

  


_"Let's get out of here," Alex whispered in between her panting breaths._

_"I'm all yours, Agent. Let's go."_

  


_The cab ride home wasn't any better. They continued their heated make-out session, with hands exploring dangerously all over each other's body. Luckily, the ride was short._

_After they finally stumbled into Alex's apartment, Alex turned to lock the door. As she did so, Lena decided to press against her from behind, pinning Alex to the solid surface. Alex could fight back, but didn't. She just let Lena have her way. The woman continued to lean onto her from behind, kissing and sucking at the nape of her neck, while her chest pushed up against Alex's back. Lena's hips continued to grind against Alex's backside, and Alex couldn't help but get lost in how sexy Lena felt right now. Lena went on to rake her fingers up the sides of the agent's thighs, then grabbed onto her waist and pulled her closer. The redhead moaned in pleasure, enjoying everything being done to her. The heat continued to build up in her core, aroused by the idea of letting her body be used to please Lena's. As she sobered up, Alex found more control over her limbs, and when she did so, as she skilfully employed her strength to push back, jostling Lena backward. In that moment of release, Alex whipped around, grabbed Lena by the waist and slammed _her_ back up against the door._

_Alex decided to take control then, as she sprinkled kisses all over the woman's neck. Lena arched her head back, giving Alex more access. With her mouth on her skin, she started at her ear, nibbled at her earlobe, then slightly sucked and tugged on it. She then trailed her kisses lower and lower, down her neck, until she found a spot on the woman's collarbone. Alex kissed it gently, before she bit down hard and sucked, leaving a red mark that would clearly still be visible come morning. Lena was lost in the feeling of Alex's strong body between her legs, pinning her back. Her breaths became short and gaspy. Eventually, she grabbed Alex's head and pulled her up into another passionate and lustful kiss._

  


_"Take me to bed, Alex," she whispered over her lips._

_"Yes, ma'am."_

  


_The night continued with passionate love making. It was a heated moment of tangled limbs, wrought with pleasure, and fueled by desire. Come morning, Lena's eyes slowly awoke to the bright rays of sun, that seeped in through the sheer window coverings. When her vision finally adjusted, she saw Alex next to her, laying on her side, facing her. Their eyes connected._

  


_"Hey," Alex said quietly, with a hint of adoration in her voice as she smiled._

  


_And it was in that look, that combination of dreaminess, with the sun pouring from behind her, casting her body in a backlit view, her hair tousled from a night of frantic love making, the gleam of pure happiness in those big brown eyes, the presence of a slight wrinkling alongside those eyes as she smiled, ever radiant, that Lena realized that this night meant more than just carnal need. She'd fallen for Alex, and as much as her heart told her this, her mind went into panic. She smiled back at Alex, her eyes glistening with tears; tears that came from pure bliss, as well as sadness. Her mind then told her she couldn't have this. That this couldn't happen._

_After a short moment, she finally responded._

  


_"Hey," she said, her voice soft, as she acknowledged the woman's presence next to her._

  


_Lena's eyes then darted away from the beauty before her. She didn't allow herself to gaze any longer at that pristine image of lovestruck awe that tugged at her heart. Her mind commanded her not to. It told her she didn't deserve love._

  


* * *

  


Last night's experience with Alex, shook Lena's world in many ways. However, the more concerning one, was how it rattled her mind and caused conflict with her heart.

  


"Jess," Lena said, as she reached over at the intercom.

"Yes, Ms. Luthor?"

"Please reach out to Sam Arias. I need to speak with her."

"Yes, ma'am."

  


After the exchange, she walked over to where she kept her liquor. It was a necessity at this point, for the occasional visitors she entertained, or, for times when she needed a much needed stress reliever. Now, was one of those times.

A day like today had always been part of Lena's foreseeable future. One where after years and years of struggle, her brain had finally given up. She was only in her late 20's, and by most definition, was still so young, and held a bright future ahead of her. However, the CEO had been through too much, and more than most. This Lena Luthor roller-coaster of emotions helped to mold and scar the woman in more ways than one.

  



	2. Pre-Luthor Years

**Past - Lena - 3 Years Old**

  
Emotions Part I — Family — The upward peak

  


We begin with happier memories; the highest point of the roller-coaster. There was a loving mother, who gave Lena only the best that she could, where Lena was a normal, happy child. Those memories were spotty, since she was still too young to remember most of it, but, looking back now, she felt that in her heart, it was those times that made her...human. She believed that it was those years that made Lena so different from the Luthors. They say, children build their personalities by the age of seven. Since half that time was spent with her real mother, and half that time was spent with the Luthors, it made sense that Lena would be a somewhat unexpected mixture of the two. No arguments there. 

Her childhood was typical during that first half. She had friends in the neighborhood, play dates with classmates, birthday parties she attended, and a mother who read her bedtime stories as she snuggled in next to her, while holding on to Mr. Teddy.

  


_"...and she loved a little boy very, very much. Even more than she loved herself..."_

_"Mommy, why did the tree not love herself?"_

_Her mother snuggled her closer, pulling her into her chest._

_"Darling, the tree does love herself. That's why she's able to give the boy so much."_

_"Huh? Can't she love herself and the boy?"_

_"One day you'll understand, baby. A parent loves themselves to a certain degree, but they'll love their children so much more, and will do everything to make them happy."_

_Lena fell asleep in her mother's arms, dreaming about the boy and the tree, and her and her mommy._

  


And so her story went, for her first four years. The simplicity of life, the innocence of youth, the safety of being cradled by a parent's love, the joys of experiencing the wonders of the world.

That, was Lena's life; one stolen from her at such a young age, where everything she needed was there.

Everything perfectly normal. Everything perfectly happy.

Lena had all that, once upon a time. And she wished she could remember it. Now, all she has to remind her of that, are photos of her as a child with her mother. She'd obtained them by hiring a detective of sorts, one she trusted when she needed to find out about a certain topic, discrete in nature.

It was one day, when Lena was hopelessly lost in the darkest corners of her mind, three years ago, where she longed to be that child again. She wanted to be with a nurturing soul, one to shield her from the pain the world continued to cut her with, with each stab of angered words and actions. These were the people who cursed her name, who attacked her out of ignorance and hate, and who used her as a scapegoat for their own selfish needs. Many of these actions had been suppressed from the media by her associates, and those that worked for her, but nevertheless, she felt them all; experienced them all. Sam was with her that day, and was the one who took the initiative to see if perhaps, Lena could get some closure on her childhood, which hopefully could provide her with some comfort. Perhaps, she may even come across family in the process. And so, they hired someone to take on the job.

After a month of searching, when the man had returned, he was able to gather a good amount of paperwork and photos of her past life. Unfortunately, there was no additional family to be found. However, they did get some other interesting information. There was a report from the detective stating that her mother was a child of the system, abandoned as a child, and lived in foster care. Her mother was a troubled youth, until she found a boy, who saved her. Befriended as teenagers, he helped her mother emotionally support herself and got her the help she needed. He, was her real father. One she never knew. Her mother told her that her father died a year after she was born. It was a car accident, nothing more. She didn't remember this then, but there was a scrap of paper that stated as such. It was folded many times over, stained with tears that were shed, containing angered markings everywhere. There were imprints of the scribbled ink, dug deep into the thin sheet of paper. It was a cry of pain. Inside, her father's name, written multiple times, over and over again, had accompanying words saying "I wish you were here," "I need you," "I can't do this alone," and "Why were you taken from me?". Additionally, in the farthest corner of the paper, at the bottom, read: "To the only man I'll love, Michael, 10-07-1993."

There wasn't much of a paper trail of him either. It seems the two never got married, and there were no photographs of him. There was just that name, circled with a heart alongside her mother's, on another scrap of paper, attached with a paper clip, on a photo of a sonogram. It was as close to proof as she could get, to knowing that he was her real father. In that photo, Lena was nothing more than a blurry dot among the black, white and gray lines of the image. Occasionally, when Lena was feeling her worse, she would pull this memory out and touch the names of her parents, brushing her fingertips along the ink lines, imagining what it would have been like to have a full, normal, and loving family. If her mother was of any indication of what that family could've been like, then she could have only imagined it being exactly that.

Those few pieces of Lena's past were her most treasured ones out of the batch the man was able to gather. There wasn't much else of "true value." The rest remained stilled captures of Lena's past with her mother at various points of her life: a park outing, a birthday party, a day at school, etc. All were innocent moments, that reminded her of what she once had. And, when the weight of the world seemed to crush her, she went back to them, as a form of comfort, while she drank to dull the pain. After that, she usually fell asleep, and held onto these cherished memories. Usually, it was the paper-clipped memory of her family, clutched into her hands. Sometimes she had hoped that maybe, she'd wake up from this nightmare, and awaken in happier times. 


	3. The Turning Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  **Warning: Heaving Descriptions of Drowning**

**Past - Lena - 4 Years old**

  
Emotions Part II— Family — Forceful downward fall

  


Now, imagine, this same child, so young, watching her mother be taken by death's grip. The person she relied on, that loved her, that protected her, was now disappearing into the depths of the lake. It was the same loving woman who held her tight to save her from the monsters under her bed, and told her she was loved and was safe.

  


_"Mommy?..." she questioned, watching in confusion._

  


Now, the pleasant memories were being overtaken by this horrific sight. There were choking breaths. There were gargled screams. There were floundering arms. There was the thrashing of water. All this, the child bore witness to, helpless in being able to comprehend what to do; shocked at the scene before her, freezing her movements, as her brain couldn't process quick enough. And then, silence. There were no more movements in the water. The last image she saw, was a single hand, stretched out above the surface; one, that was no longer was visible. Everything looked as if nothing had happened; as if the morning had gone as it did many times before, except now, Lena was alone. The entirety of the incident, burned into her mind. She stood there, unable to express anything. She couldn't even cry.

  


_"Mommy?...." she called out quietly; her voice wouldn't carry into the lake._

  


She had yet to understand how this traumatic incident would forever haunt her.

They say, a child forms their earliest memories at the age of four. Imagine the traumatic effect this must have, for a child to witness something so horrific, and for it to be one of their earliest memories. Their brain can process nothing more that what they see before them. Ingrained visuals left only to interpretation at a later time, when their minds have the ability to comprehend more than just the imagery. And then, at that point, the image may have been altered, degraded over time. Perhaps, even suppressed, as the mind tries to help its host heal. For Lena, it was a little bit of both. The memory was kept hidden, locked away for many years. Only when someone close had inquired about her real mother, had she even remembered. Luckily, those people who knew of her adoption, and had the gall to talk to her about it, was few and far in between. But, the effects were there. When she had been pushed to remember, when even a single word of "birth mother" was spoken, that memory floated to the surface, as if wanting to be remembered, no longer wanting to be suppressed in the dark abyss of her mind.

The memory never failed to leave her somewhat broken after being brought up. She'd learn to save face among those in her presence, but inside, the memory took its toll. She always questioned her actions, or rather, lack there of. She spewed words of self hate, constantly cursing herself for saving the one person she loved, and the one person that could have shielded her from this life.

And after any interaction that involved that memory, Lena retired to her home, wanting to be alone, with nothing more than a drink in her hand. It was lucky that she'd learned to put her emotions into boxes. For when there were times that the feelings were so strong, and the box was not big nor strong enough to contain it, Lena turned to that liquid vice. Her general ability to contain her feelings kept her from being such an alcoholic.


	4. What Happened at Age 4 - Part I

**Past - Lena - 4 Years Old (A few days later)**

  
Emotions Part III — Family — An sudden turn and a slight upward climb...

  


It didn't take long before she was introduced to the man she later learned would be her father. A man, who stood strong and firm, and oozed confidence, as he sported an expensive business suit. She watched him walk with purpose towards her, away from the expensive vehicle behind him. She had yet to fully comprehend what was about to happen to her, and how it related to what she had been through. The shock was still prevalent. Yet, when that man bent down to greet young Lena, his fearful demeanor melted slightly. There was a smile, a sense of caring in his eyes, and warmth in his handshake.

  


_"Hi there, little one. My name is Lionel. Pleasure to meet you," he said softly, reaching his hand out._

_"Hi...I'm Lena," she responded, reaching out her hand to meet his, as her other hand held tightly around Mr. Teddy's neck._

_"Lena. That's a pretty name. Just like you. You know, I'd like to give you a pretty home to live in. Would you like that?"_

_Lena nodded._

_"Good. I'll be happy to take you to mine. I'll be your new father. Will that be okay?"_

_Lena nodded again. "Will I get a different mommy too?"_

_"Yes. You'll have a new mother and a brother."_

_"A brother? I've never had a brother before."_

_Lionel smiled. "And now you will. And he'll love you."_

_Excited, Lena went along with the man, he held her hand and walked her back to his car._

  


  
Whatever happened next, at this point, Lena felt that she would be alright.

Still at the age where early memories were being formed, this was another one she remembered. It's amazing which memories are kept easily accessible in our minds. It's as if the brain somehow has the ability to capture exactly what the host needs to build one's personality. The mix of neurochemicals such as dopamine and serotonin, fed off of things like endorphins in the body, and affected by the interpretation of the outside world, leads to some interesting effects of one's mind. And, with Lena, as if aching to find some way to protect herself from further pain, her mind latched onto the closest thing that came to comfort and love. And it was this memory of Lionel, that automatically solidified him as someone she would come to latch onto.

For what it's worth, Lionel was far from being a perfect father. His business kept him away from the household, more often than not. Trips, long hours at the office, conferences, and the like, kept Lena's time with him very, very limited. However, when he was present, he was a caring mentor. In his own way, underneath that stern persona, he did manage to have some warmth in his soul, at least for her. And really, only if you were Lena, did you ever really feel it, because outside looking in, you'd think he was a tad cold for speaking to someone of only four years old. Nevertheless, it was there: the advice, the guidance, the miniscule gestures that made Lena feel important and wanted, all present and accounted for.

When things at L-Corp got intense, she wondered how it would've been like, if he was there to help her navigate these stresses better. She managed well on her own, probably far better than most in her shoes, but her father, the true Luthor, exuded a sense of perfection; a mastered skill of managing anything relating to a business affair. He handled things with confidence, never backed down, and was skillfully manipulative. All these traits, Lena had, and she was surely capable, and definitely had employed them when necessary, but, there were always those days. Days that left her downtrodden from nearly a long 18 hour day, feeling weakened, that she'd wish she knew the secret to how her father did it day in and day out, for years and years. If he were only still alive to guide her...


	5. What Happened at Age 4 - Part II

**Past - Lena - 4 Years Old (Same day)**

  
Emotions Part IV— Family — The beginnings of a drop; a point of no return

  


The minute Lena was led into the large Luthor mansion, everything changed. Fear gripped her, but she didn't know why. She didn't express it though; Her emotions were still locked up from the shock of everything; this poor, young child still had so much to understand. Entering the large home felt strange and cold. Luxurious furnishings decorated the entirety of it, with lavish paintings and decor. She almost felt like she was walking into a museum. Not a home. She watched as she was greeted by people, dressed formally in uniform. Those of whom she later learned, were all who served the Luthors. 

  


_"Daddy, who are all these people."_

_"Lena, please address me as father. And, these folks work here. They will give you anything you need."_

_"Anything?," the girl asked loudly with disbelief in her tone. Her eyes widened at the thought._

_"Within reason? Yes," he smirked. "Perhaps even outside of reason...," he murmured quietly as he grinned._

_The ill undertone of his voice was worrisome, and would have sent chills up the spines of the employed household staff had they heard. Though many of those working in the Luthor household were treated no more and no less than what they had signed up for, they knew of Mr. Luthor's temperament. The man's demanding nature, calm but stern demeanor, his knack for imposing fear among those in his presence could be seen as a cause for concern. If an idea ever crossed his mind, which could involve their participation, ill-willed or not, they knew that if they disobeyed, they would not be only jeopardizing their job, but could face external repercussions as well. Luckily, the historical accounts of maltreatment involved nothing more than scolding or belittling of their existence if a mistake was made._

_"These people serve the Luthors. You, Lena, are now a Luthor. They will serve you as well."_

_At hearing those words, those within earshot, looked over to Lena humbly and bowed their heads in respect and acknowledgement of their employer's wish._

  


Attire aside, Lena eventually determined easily who were employed as domestic staff, based on the distanced attitudes, fake smiles, and their ever willingness to please their hosts. Lena watched as those immediately around him, eventually dropped their gaze, as if ashamed of themselves. Lena decidedly felt that it wasn't right, despite not knowing full well all the reasoning behind it.

This was also another memory that floated about in Lena's mind, though, it wasn't quite as vivid and impactful as the previous ones. In this instance, her brain just latched onto something completely new and different from anything she's yet to experience. The coldness of the atmosphere, the distanced greetings, and the impersonal feeling of the entire household. It was all these feelings that made the memory notable. Not really names or faces, just, feelings. What she had gathered from this, was really just a red flag. It subconsciously kept her alert and cautious. There was something that pretty much yelled, "You can't be too careful here."

There were many experiences she had, while living in the Luthor household, that spoke the truth of those words, but they all had to be learned first-hand, time and time again, until Lena finally built up defensive and offensive strategies to combat those incidences. 

At times, those strategies proved useful to have. It had saved her hide a few times, when her gut would tell her that something wasn't right, or when there was an inkling that tickled at her mind, insisting she should be wary of danger. Other times, it was an annoyance, because she questioned everything and every one. It became a type of paranoia, one that instilled itself into the foundations of her emotional walls. This eventually became a detriment to building solid relationships with anyone. Ultimately, it boiled down to trust, and whether or not it existed.


	6. What Happened at Age 4 - Part III

**Past - Lena - 4 Years Old (Same day)**

  
Emotions Part V— Family — The start of a fall...

  


She recalled being walked into a study. There were two people sitting at a small table, playing a game by the fireplace. They both looked at her the minute she walks in, pausing their movements. The woman eyed her. Was it contempt? Was it anger? Was it annoyance? Lena didn't know, and to be honest, she wasn't really absorbing as much of this as she could, but she could definitely tell it was unlike any other welcome she'd ever felt. It was a far cry from the joys of others that smiled and gave her hugs, like when she had gone to a friend's birthday party. The environment was definitely and utterly cold. Lena knew at that moment, that there was something between she and that woman. It was tension of some sort, one that would forever make her feel unwanted and unwelcomed. And, it was then, that Lena actually felt something real since the incident at the lake. It was a mixture of fear and loneliness. She gripped her teddy harder, holding onto the little bit of comfort she had managed to keep. Then, a flash of her mother, carrying a smile so large, with arms wide went through her head. It contrasted with the stark look of the woman before her, the minute Lionel said, "Lena, this is your new mother."

It almost made her want to cry. For that split second, she immediately changed her mind about coming to this house. This wasn't something she wanted. She wanted to go home. But as the man finished his words, Lionel's hand stroked the back of her head. There was a slight nudge to it before he let his fingers glide through her hair. It was a subtle gesture, but it was enough to let Lena know that she wasn't going anywhere. The sadness in heart was hidden behind her silence.

Little did Lena know, that from this point forward, her life would never reach the peaks of happiness again as it once did. At least, not for quite some time. Despite the upcoming upward portions of that roller-coaster track, the highest point of the ride had passed, and what was left was a path that would lay out its very own set of ups and downs.

And it was true. For quite sometime, while living under Lillian's watch, and under the surname of Luthor, the bar at which her happiness started with, was never really reached again. Every experience thereafter, fell short of what she used to have, and, knowing what we now know, it made sense. This place, this woman, this life, would be a grim contrast to the life she had only a few days ago.

There were many, many stories of how Lillian weathered down Lena. It build up insecurities that continued to fester as she grew older. Lillian favored Lex, and she made it quite obvious, numerous times. It made Lena feel less than she was; less capable, less wanted, less loved. Lillian made her feel like she didn't deserve to feel those things, words said or not. The woman's curt words and dismissive actions, spoke volumes. And, if stripping her of those characteristics weren't bad enough, Lena was then filled with demeaning words that practically told her that she was worthless, weak, and senseless.

  


_"Why were you running in the halls, young lady!" Lillian scolded._

_"I...I was just playing with Abigail," Lena responded with a shaky voice, her eyes shying away from her step-mother._

_"And who, pray tell, is Abigail?" the woman asked in a contemptuous but calm tone, eyes focused on the little girl, daring her to answer._

_"My...friend. She's...," Lena would look around and not find her. "She was right here, but you frightened her."_

_Lillian looked down on the child with resentment._

_"I've heard of this imaginary friend of yours from Lex. You will stop such nonsense immediately," the tall woman commanded with authority._

_"She's not imaginary!"_

_Lillian bent down and grasped tightly around the small girl's shoulders._

_"I'm only saying this one more time, Lena," she said with a harsh but composed voice. "You will stop associating yourself to this...Abigail. You will learn to control those imaginations within your mind. This...nonsense makes you an embarrassment. If someone saw you, a Luthor, behaving like a mad person, chasing after something that doesn't exist, it will make us look...unrefined to our guests. We cannot have this happen again. Do you understand," she said, emphasizing the demand of her request through the explicit uttering of that last word._

_The piercing eyes of that woman bore through Lena, and always instilled a sense of fear when her voice was in that tone. She had no other option than to back away and obey._

  


So, yes. Lillian broke Lena, tore her away from all things humanizing, and built her back up with this...impersonal attitude. Any interaction or action that was deemed senseless or worthless, was avoided and shunned. The only things that mattered was portraying oneself as a dominant force, one capable of control, impervious to emotional influences, intellectually competent, and utterly determined. All the Luthors conveyed those characteristics. And in the end, Lena did as well.

However, we still go back to the part of Lena that was influenced otherwise, the years before leading up to the Luthor adoption. The time where emotions and being human weren't stomped away. These experiences were still kept within Lena. It was built into the fibers of her being, and it is what made her more capable of feeling, than her adopted family.

These two sides of Lena fought inside her though, and it wasn't easy to deal with. Since most of her years were spent under Lillian's rule, most of those influences stood stronger than the others. But, that did not mean they didn't exist. There had been a handful of times when she mentally fought the urges of logical reasoning, mainly because she "felt" like that was the wrong thing to do, eventually erring on the side of emotional compassion. And, with every decision that had to be made, when push came to shove, one side would always win. Was it the right decision? Was it the wrong one? It almost was hard to tell. She'd have to live with the consequences of either choice. It took her a very long time to understand how to find a neutral conclusion to appease both sides of whatever conflict she was involved in, and truthfully, Lena is still learning the ways of how to obtain this delicate balance. This behavior obviously differed from that of her family, where feelings were never a consideration when involving vital decisions.

This memory, this influence, this history of upbringing, was definitely one of the factors that pushed Lena to where she was today; questioning the emotions she felt with Alex that morning. The Danvers sisters had managed to drag out more of Lena's humanity, helped enforce those feelings, and allowed her to know what it felt like to fully immerse yourself into those experiences. However, sometimes, when those feelings won out, the consequences of those actions made her pay the price. It wasn't often, but Kara's "You-can-win-anything-with-hope," attitude didn't always apply to the real world, and some of Lena's business relationships, partnerships or anything that was decided on, using more emotion than logic, cost her. Lena was far from being anything like Kara. So she knew she had to continue in her own way, straddling that line of making the right choices, by considering both factors equally. And, later, after meeting Alex the first time, Lena immediately knew that the older sibling was very much unlike the blonde.

Alex gave her more realistic input about many things: business, relationships, friendships, anything really. Perhaps, it was because the redhead was older, and gleaned these insights based on experiences. Anywhere there was a choice, Alex always considered things logically. She had a better handle of balancing responsibility and emotional ties. Rarely was there a time, where the redhead had to second guess the decision that she felt strongly about. And so, with these two on the same wavelength about most things, Alex quickly became someone Lena learned to trust; her judgement, usually sound.

And it was Alex that Lena felt akin to. Alex struggled like Lena. They shared similar thought patterns. They had emotional baggage that both led them crawling to unhealthy coping mechanisms. They both had inner demons. But, Alex had the leg up, Lena felt. Despite the similar hardships they shared, Alex, like her sister also embodied hope and love, and wore her heart on her sleeve. Yes, the agent had her walls, just as strong and unwielding as Lena's, but beyond those walls, when her heart felt something, she felt it strongly. This, was what made Lena question the idea of falling for Alex.

Lena felt magnetized to Alex. It was if Alex was everything Lena was, and aspired to be. The fact that Alex also tended to show Lena how worthy she was, how important she was, and how she deserved to be loved, just made that attraction stronger. She wasn't sure if it was love, but being by the Agent's side, was definitely where she wanted to be. The question that kept circling her mind was, "Was she good enough for someone like Alex?"

Lena felt that her world was so difficult to manage, sometimes more than any human should really be exposed to. Her upbringing and intellectual prowess molded her to be capable of at least withstanding those forces. She couldn't imagine bringing anyone else into that. The burden would be too heavy, and for Alex, who loved hard and cared deeply, Lena couldn't imagine putting her though experiences that would break her heart, or force her to ultimately decide which would win out when met with a challenging decision: her heart or her mind. After time, Lena often found herself with decisions to make, that seemed very black and white to her, with no shades of gray. Could Alex do the same? Could Alex really separate her emotions when the time came? Would Alex be able to live with the repercussions like Lena has learned to deal with? She wasn't sure. Better yet, she didn't want Alex to have to even face those types of burdens. Alex, for all she's already been through, living under her sister's shadow, with her happiness constantly at bay, deserved so much better. And that, was Lena's ultimate decision. She couldn't let Alex love her.


	7. What Happened at Age 4 - Part IV

**Past - Lena - 4 Years Old (Same Day)**

  
The emotional damage part VI — Family — The first upward shift in the ride. Hope.

  


Not a moment too soon after she was introduced to Lillian, she hears the boy's voice call out to her.

"I'm Lex. I'm going to be your new brother. Wanna play?"

His introduction was much more pleasant, inviting and sincere. It was only natural for Lena to immediately smile at the welcome, and she hurried over. She had no understanding of what the little marble pieces of black and white, horses and crowned structures were about, but she was more than happy to learn. And learn she did. With Lionel being absent for most of the time, Lex had become the only person she grew attached to. He treated her with kindness, cared for her, and taught her many things. Yes, chess was one of them, but, there were others. One of which, included how to deal with their mother. With every backhanded comment, lecture, and scolding that came from Lillian, Lex was there to guide her.

  


_Lena rushes in crying into Lex's room. He takes a moment to look up from the book he's reading, then calmly looks over to her. He heard the argument from down the hall._

  


_"She doesn't like me, Lex!"_

_"Nonsense. Mother likes you well enough. That," he says, with his eyes darting to where she had just come from, "is just how she is."_

_"Even with you?"_

_"Sometimes," he smiles as he wipes away her tears with his hands._

_"You're a Luthor now, Lena. Having mother scold you comes with the territory," he says with chuckle._

_Lena stops crying, but continues to sniffle._

_"Lena, listen to me. There's a trick to getting along with mother. Number one. Never argue with mother. You will lose. Every time. Number two. Never, ever show your emotions. Emotions show weakness. Mother hates weaknesses._

  


He went on to say that she could question her for her reasoning, but needed to mask it, so that it sounded inquisitive, as if to learn something you had failed to notice before. That, would nullify any opposing reaction from her. Lex then reminded her of another important piece of advice. 

  


_"She can't be right all the time. Can she?"_

_Lex laughs. "No, she can't," he says quietly, before whispering, "Don't tell her I said that though," he says with a wink._

_"Then how...?"_

_"You're still young Lena, and new here, but you'll adapt quickly. That much, I'm sure. I can see how intelligent you are."_

_"Adapt to what?"_

_"To dealing with her. You can get your way, while letting her have the illusion that she got hers. If you know how to handle things delicately and intelligently enough, you can get away with it without incident."_

  


Little did Lena know how true these words were for Lex, and how it would foreshadow events to come. However, for now, these words alone, carried both Luthor children. And for Lena, it helped her to survive being in the Luthor household. It was Lex's words that molded her into the person she was today.

The insightful advice from her beloved brother, continued to ring true to Lena's core. The two themes she always utilized, off the cuff, were: a) to never show your emotions, for they can show weakness, and b) how to use manipulation. With Alex, she'd need to use both. She'd have to find a way to hide how she felt about Alex, about her need and desire to be with her, because if older Danvers ever got wind of Lena's true feelings, Alex would fight for it. This much, she knew for sure. Then came manipulation. That came hand-in-hand with the first theme. In order to allow this...experience to pass between them amicably, Lena needed to come up with a way that led Alex astray, having her think that there was nothing between them for her to latch onto. However, she was adamant about delicately handling the agent's feelings. Lena was very much aware of the crush that the redhead had on her, and there was nothing more she wanted to do, than to protect this woman's heart from getting hurt. In this scenario, on paper, Lex's advice would once more come to save her. However, in reality, Lena knew it wasn't that simple.

That morning, after seeing Alex in that glowing image, was now engrained in Lena's mind, and it made her heart feel...something, and it scared her. Unlocking strong emotions like that, only tended to throw Lena into a state of confusing thought patterns, where she was unable to control them. The pull of the human heart, emotionally, was still so impressive in the amount of force it could will on a person. Her logic started to falter. So, despite knowing what she _should_ do, her heart said otherwise. This wave of uncertainty, tacked on with a decision that Lena felt was so large, made her lose herself. Cutting herself off from Alex was a band-aid solution. It helped her emotions from completely spilling out. However, that emotional box was opened, and the little that spilled out, distracted her to no end. 

With her mind preoccupied with Alex and what to do about it, compounded with the thoughts of where the problems were stemming from, and adding to that the idea of whether or not she could live with whatever decision she made, Lena couldn't concentrate dedicate herself fully to the operational side of her life. She made mistakes that caused her hours to fix. She inadvertently rebuffed opposing statements of her own, which generated tension with those she was dealing with. That hiccup potentially brought up new adversaries. Her life was becoming harder to deal with, with each passing day. The typical troubles, she could handle. The mistakes that resulted from her inability to concentrate, made her problems worse. When those things combined, Lena could barely stand on her own. True, she had Sam, and Kara, and James to lean on for help on the business side of things, but she knew it wasn't fair for them to navigate her mess. The stress was getting too much, and it made Lena's hold on depressive behaviors from the past three years loosen. It started to eat at her core, to the point where she was starting to give up on herself and fall into a dangerous mental pattern.


	8. Sam

**Present Day (Same Day)**

  


"Hey Lena. What's up?" Sam asked, as she walked casually into the office.

Lena turned from where she stood on her balcony, her thoughts disrupted by her best friend's voice.

"Hi Sam," Lena said, plastering on a smile that hid so much inner turmoil.

Sam strolled over and looked down at Lena's glass, which was holding much more liquor than it should, for ten in the morning.

"Meeting with the board went that well, huh?" she joked, as she approached her. 

The woman took the glass from her friend's hand and sipped, before claiming it for herself. She crossed her arms, shifted her weight, tilted her head and raised her brow. "So, Ms. Luthor. What pray tell is the situation today?"

Lena scoffed with amusement, which led into a more genuine smile. She thanked the heavens for having someone like Sam in her life. She glanced at her hands momentarily, as she fiddled with her fingers, then looked back up to her friend.

"Sam. I'm leaving L-Corp."

Sam nearly choked on her drink. She spat most of it out while simultaneously spilling some on herself. "You're...you're what?!"

"Temporarily," her friend giggled, as she watched Sam try to flick off the splattered liquor on her clothes as if that did any good.

"Lena, you need to learn to be more delicate with your words," she half scolded.

Lena chuckled again and made her way inside, where she grabbed some napkins from her desk drawer and handed it over. The woman wiped down her suit and blouse, then her mouth, before she placed the offending drink down onto the desk. 

"Alright. Now you have my full attention. What's going on?"

"I need a break, Sam."

"No shit, Lena. I've been telling you that from the start. You need a frigging vacation from time to time."

Lena chuckled. "And now, I'm taking your advice. Well, actually, it's my therapist's advice, but still."

"Mmmhmm," the CFO said, as she leaned up against the desk. "So what's your plan?"

"I'm taking off for an indefinite amount of time, to...sort things out."

Lena then glanced up to meet Sam's gaze. The taller woman had a look with a brow raised, that told her to further explain.

"I'm leaving you in charge of L-Corp in my absence. You know everything that's going on already, and...I trust you."

Sam's posture relaxed. "It'll be in good hands. I promise."

"I know it will."

  


There's a moment of silence between the two, before Sam broke it.

  


"Lena," she started, and the woman's green eyes met hers. "Is there...anything else you want to talk about?" she asked with concern in her voice. "I know you. I've known you for a long time. You don't always give in when it comes to taking care of yourself. I know there's something else that's bothering you."

  


And, as much as Lena loved the idea of having someone in her life that cared for her so much and knew her so well, someone who she has no chance of hiding anything from, right now, she wished that Sam wasn't so observant. Lena knew that she couldn't reveal how broken she was at this point. It was taking everything she had not to crack in front of her friend. She'd never felt so lost in her life, so numb, so broken, so...weak, that, saying anything of the sort would worry Sam to no end. Lena was keen on solving this herself. She knew she needed to go down a path of her own. She knew, that whatever this was, would be a life changing experience.

  


"I'm fine, Sam," Lena finally answered, and it was all moot, with both women knowing how much of that was a lie.

  


Sam only looked at her with eyes that communicated that fact, which left silence between them. The taller woman hoped that it'd make Lena crack and give her the truth. Unfortunately, that never came. Sam worried, of course. The CFO knew that there was something Lena wasn't telling her, but also knew that this was how the woman dealt with new problems. Lena needed to absorb and comprehend the situation she had fallen into, which meant that sometimes she withdrew herself. In the end, time was all it ever took for Lena to eventually open up to her.

  


"Okay. But, the minute you want to talk, call me. Any time."

Lena smiled at her friend's understanding.

"Thank you, Sammy. I will."

Sam's face relaxed at the use of the familiar nickname that only Lena called her by.

"I mean it, Lena. It could be 3am. You call me."

Lena just nodded. Sam wrapped her arms around the shorter woman and held her in a tight embrace.


	9. The Luthor Mentality of Friendships

**Past - Lena - 6 Years Old**

  
Emotions Part VII— Friendship — A downward shift

  


Lena was never one to have many friends after being accepted into the Luthor household. After her name had changed, people treated her differently. Everyone distanced themselves from her. The adults, for sure, but the children as well. In school, she tried to befriend her classmates like she used to, and some days she succeeded. They'd let her chat with them, they'd braid each other's hair during recess, they'd let her play games with them in the school yard, but it was all temporary. Sometimes it was a day, sometimes two, before those same people she befriended, ignored her. They weren't mean, they just...left her out.

  


_"Hi Sara! You wanna play that game again?"_

_Her friend furrowed her brows, pressing her lips into a line, before she eyed her other friends._

_"I'm sorry. I can't."_

_"Oh," Lena said, a bit disappointed. "Then...maybe later? I can meet you after school."_

_"No. I can't. I can't be friends with you anymore," she said with a frowned look._

_The little girl immediately ran away towards her other friends and left Lena alone._

  


She couldn't understand it, and it made her feel unwanted and sad. She'd come home crying sometimes, worrying that there was something wrong with her. Lillian of course, scolded Lena for being so reliant on superficial relationships. Lex, on the other hand, was there to comfort her.

He explained that being a Luthor carried a weight on their shoulders. Most people feared them, mostly because of their parents. Lena couldn't really deny that statement. Technically, she feared them all the same. Lillian, of course was obvious, for so many reasons. But, for Lionel, though he was nothing but caring and affectionate to Lena, she'd seen him confront and speak to others with such a demanding and fearful tone, that it startled her to see that other side of him. In any case, Lex carried on to say that it was natural for people to feel that way. 

He touted that those who didn't fear their family, felt belittled in their presence, knowing how much smarter, wealthier and powerful they were in comparison. That, was another thing that Lex tried to teach Lena.

  


_"Lena, forget all those people. They're like pawns in the game. They all try to be high and mighty, flaunting their popularity or kinship like royal kings and queens, but in the end, their superficial acts of friendship, is nothing but that. Strip all that away, and they are nothing," he said, as he gripped both of her shoulders in his hands._

_"Be proud to be a Luthor. Despite what people may think of us, we have true power. We have been given the opportunity to rise above everyone else. With endless tools and resources at our disposal, in the end, our own time to shine will come. It is our natural ability to use our intelligence and wit to outsmart everyone else. That, Lena, is our power."_

  


He went on further to say that she had nothing to be ashamed of. Friends, he explained once more, were overrated. There were all pawns in the game, a mere distraction to the goal that laid ahead. A goal that told them that they, as Luthors, would change the world.

Lena still believed that to some degree, Lex was right about how friendships should be viewed. She generally thought of those words when she was at her low points, like she was today; like she has been of recent. She didn't despise her friends. She didn't hate Sam, or Kara, or Alex, or any of them. She just knew that the minute she was introduced to them, it...changed things. It made some things easier, but it also made things more difficult. Distractions.

How many times had there been where Lena had to make decisions where she'd have to worry about her friends' feelings? How many times had she been threatened by some terrorist/kidnapper/gunman to give them what they wanted, or else they'd hurt those she loved? How many decisions had there been, that was a detriment to her, because of them. She didn't regret any of the decisions she made on her friends' behalf. Not one. Yet, she constantly did think of how difficult it had made her life to some degree. She only really thought that because she'd been caught in the aftermath that was left thereafter, for much longer than she'd like.

Had her life been a bit easier without the introduction of Kara, and the circle of people she brought along? Perhaps. For sure, she would have never felt heart-breaking instances like when James could've died, or Supergirl got hurt from the use of Kryptonite. Lesser personal ties, meant easier decisions. On paper, that made sense. Why else would various forms of entertainment show villains having no close kinship to those they were associated to? Less problems to deal with.

On the flip side, her friends had been such a big part of her life, filling her with the emotional need and support that she so desperately required, that she couldn't have given it up if she wanted to. And she never wanted to. To Lena, real friends were never a burden, nor a regret.

Yet, here she was. A wreck of emotions, distracted by a potential love interest, brought into her life by one of her best friends. And, in the end, she even worried about how much her decisions would ultimately hurt them, regardless of how delicately she may manage it. Managing friendships, or rather, personal relationships altogether, was definitely not one of Lena's strong suits. It caused her to worry like some youth; worried about the social circles they were in, and the loosely associated ties between them, that could easily upset the balance with any single move.

And so, when this train of thought finally came about, and the heaviness of these consequences weighed on her, Lena turned to her old friend in a bottle. And no, it was no genie. Wouldn't that have been nice.


	10. Friendship Dynamics

**Past - Lena - 16 Years Old**

  
Emotions Part VIII— Friendship — A slow gradual decline

  


The next portion of the track wasn't bad. It was a gradual dip in the ride, barely noticeable, with the exception of knowing that it still was a downward movement. Although at the time, Lena didn't realize that it was a negative part of her life. What she experienced, became part of her nature, and changed the way she viewed the outside world.

Lena loved Lex, and believed him for almost everything he had said. So, with his teachings in mind, she continued to live out the remainder of her school days without so much as a birthday party invite. Instead, she found kinship among books. Without all the distractions of friends, she found more time to study and learn anything her heart desired. And, she wouldn't be lying if she said that didn't she love to learn, and loved to challenge herself. Lex had been right. By the time she had started high school, she was far more advanced than any of her classmates. It was then, that Lionel decided that with Lena's bright future ahead of her, she couldn't afford to be swayed by the partying, destructive attitudes of typical teenage youths in a regular public high school. Before Lena knew it, she was attending a prestigious boarding school.

She continued her studies there with no real concerns. The other students there, were of similar mindset. They had all been sent there by their parents, with the expectation to succeed and come out knowing more of how to handle themselves in the society that awaited them. All students there, were privileged to some degree, and had family obligations to uphold upon their graduation. They all had paths laid out for them. It was there, that Lena soon learned more about the definition of friendships. 

The blunt truth of the matter, was knowing that there was no such thing. All the relationships held, were rooted from need. No one, she noticed, held friendships for what they were supposed to be. It was just a business transaction in the making. If you needed to win your debate during a club activity, you befriended someone who could sway the minds of your peers. If you needed to get a leg up on the competition, you befriended someone who could boost you up. If you wanted to win the rowing competition, you befriended all those with exceptional athletic prowess to build your team. If you wanted eye candy attention, you sought after the best looking partner. If you wanted sex, you befriended someone who had knowings of being pleasurable in bed. No one had any real relationships. Even supposed "couples," had only remained together only until there was nothing else they could gain from the other. 

  


_"Hey Luthor!" a teenage boy called, wearing an ever-knowing grin. "What's your commitment this term?"_

_"Same as always, Walsh. My studies."_

_He laughed. "Other than that, of course."_

_"Why beat around the bush? What is it that you want from me?"_

_"The chess team lost Damian and Melissa. We need new recruits if we are to win the championships this year."_

_Lena eyed him, knowing full well that playing in the school's club, wouldn't benefit her in the least._

_"Come on. I know you're good. And I know you'll probably want another trophy to add to your collection," he grinned._

_"As beautiful as it sounds to add to my...collection, as you phrased it, I have more important things to focus on," she said, as she turned away._

_"Okay, wait!" he grumbled. "You still need a partner to present with, for Mr. Kott's class, right?"_

_Lena stopped and turned, arms crossed, head tilted, as she waited for him to continue._

_"I'll drop my partner and join you," he finished._

_"You'd drop your partner...to get me to join your little chess team?"_

_"As captain of the team, it's more important to me than some historical debate. You in?"_

_Lena smiled. "Deal."_

  


And that was all it was. It was everything. Just business transactions.

Today's Lena would have scoffed at this mentality. Now, knowing that after having solid friendships, she learned how horrible this life was and how detrimental it was for youths to think this way. But, at the time, living with that mindset was how their world worked. That's how that upper crust of society seemed to handle the balance of their circle. It's not to say that the idea of having friends purely for using them, was something isolated to that part of the population. Thoughts like that went rampant across any grouping of people. Many, may not even realize that they're even doing it. One could easily say they were childhood friends with someone, bragging about how much they've known each other for decades. Yet, there was possibly an instance or more, where the lack of a simple phone call was noticed when the other had fallen into harder times. How often was time taken out of the others', to tend to the issue of their counterpart? When, did they even think that their "ghosting" of a single message, or two, or three, wasn't a way to say "I don't have time for you in my life right now?" So, in the end, yes, this mentality was everywhere.

Lena wouldn't lie and say that she had didn't have "friendships" like that as well, but she was clear to define where those people fell on the spectrum, and treated them as such. If you were an acquaintance, you were treated with familiarity, but nothing more. If you were a business liaison, your relationship was purely based on contractual or reciprocal needs. And, in a cut-throat business, as a woman, and being so young, she needed these boundaries. She needed to know who to be wary of, so she was not taken advantage of.

Having set those boundaries helped Lena to survive. It saved her from dealing with unexpected emotional ties with random people. And with many people constantly vying for her attention, it was a godsend. But, there was always another side of this. Those she interacted with, sometimes, didn't have as refined of a system as she did, which gave _them_ illusions of a relationship that didn't exist. So when interactions were made, where her counterpart felt unexpectedly offended at her words or decisions, or the way they were treated, they would lash out. And although Lena had thick skin, it didn't mean that their words were any less hurtful.

And it was that very same day, during the board meeting, after the morning with Alex, and before calling up to speak with Sam, that became the tipping point for Lena. The board had brought in a potential candidate for a VP position, Charlie Linnings. They found the woman rather intelligent and charismatic, with the knowledge she needed to succeed in the role. However, Lena had crossed paths with this woman long ago. She believed it was at a charity event, and through some mutual acquaintance, they had gotten to know each other well that evening, and their interests were aligned. However, the woman was far from being genuinely nice. Lena saw how the woman mistreated the service staff, and how she spoke ill of some of the other attendees, who were there as a guest of a guest, rather than someone who _should_ be there. This attitude turned Lena off, and she had decided that this woman would be a good acquaintance and contact, but Linnings saw it more as an understanding friendship.

During the board meeting, after Charlie had been introduced, the woman gave Lena a subtle wink, perhaps feeling confident that with Lena as her "friend", that she'd be hired immediately without question. However, when Lena admitted that she'd have to "think" about it, and said so nicely to the rest of the board, Charlie immediately lashed out. Perhaps some insecurity was ignited in that form of doubt, but the woman called her out, saying that Lena was on a power trip to prevent other women of similar abilities from taking on such a role, claiming that the CEO feared her position from being stolen from her in her own company. _Her own company._ The reasoning was utterly ridiculous and unfounded. Linnings completely flipped when Lena didn't pay any mind to her accusations, and just watched her blankly like she was a crazed animal. Linnings lowered herself by saying horrible things about Lena, then went on to touch upon the Luthor name. Clearly, the board members didn't take too kindly at her brash actions, and had her removed off the premises immediately. Afterwards, the meeting went on as if nothing happened, but, those sharp words, still stuck out from Lena's chest. She sipped on some water during the meeting, swallowing hard, to force her feelings into its contained box. Luckily, everyone in the room was too busy with the next topic on the agenda to notice the slightly teary eyes of the young Luthor.


	11. Beginnings of True Friendship - Sam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of canon divergence here. 
>   * Lena didn't go to MIT, instead she ended up in some Ivy League School
>   * Sam met her there.
>   * Sam didn't have Ruby until much later.
>   * She also didn't meet Jack until much later in her college years.
> 

> 
> (I think that's most of the major bits. If anything sounds confusing or doesn't line up, let me know.)  
> 

**Past - Lena - 19 Years Old**

  
Emotions Part IX— Friendship — A steep upward climb

  


Lena had been accepted into an Ivy League school. She and Lex had convinced their parents to have Lena live on campus. It was a way for her to start stepping up her game, socially, and it was there, that they argued, would be a good stepping ground for her to do so. That's when Lena met her room-mate, Samantha Arias.

Although being part of an Ivy League college generally attracted like-minded young adults, it was still far from the one-track thinking of those she'd been surrounded with at boarding school. There were varying personalities, and not so cold and distanced. People were more...well, personable to some degree, although there was still a good chunk of the student body that had similar upbringing and mentalities to that of well-to-do, spoiled, and arrogant families. It was with Sam, that Lena realized that difference with first.

Samantha Arias was so unlike anyone she'd really met. The taller woman was much more outgoing, still brilliant, but very real. She didn't care what people thought of her. She didn't care what people thought of Lena. She seemed to live life the way she wanted to. Sam, was a no fuss, no bullshit kind of person. She worked hard and partied hard. The one thing she and Lena had in common, was that they were both strong-willed individuals that rarely let anything get in their way if they wanted something.

It was Sam's colorful lifestyle that brought Lena out of her shell, and introduced her to normal, social interactions. She helped Lena befriend people, for the sake of friendship. It took some doing, because the idea was unfathomable at that point, but eventually, Lena started to see the appeal of friends as...well, friends. Sam, easily became the bar she'd compare others to when it came to that. The woman had proved to her time and time again, how helpful it was to have someone by your side, through the good and the bad. That woman, had lowered her walls.

  


_"Lena, you're cooped up in here again? It's Friday night!" Sam exclaimed._

_"I really don't see the fuss about going out every weekend," Lena said casually._

_"Um...to party? To relax and unwind? To have fun?"_

_"Your version of relaxing and unwinding sounds exhausting, Sam," she said, as she tried to return back to her book._

_"And your version of relaxing and unwinding sounds boring," she retorted, grabbing the book out of her friend's hands._

  


_She then looked at the open page in front of her, reading the first line that jumped out._

  


_"And then she straddles his lap and...Oh my god, are you reading smut?!" Her jaw dropped and laughed. "Wow, Lena, didn't know you were the type," she continued teasing._

_"It's not smut, Sam! It's just a romantic novel!"_

_"With smut," she taunted, grinning at her._

_"You have no respect for literature," she commented with slight annoyance._

  


_Lena then sat up, crossed her arms over her chest, and half reached out her hand, gesturing for her book to be returned. Sam only looked at her with narrowed eyes and a slight smirk._

  


_"You know...if you just want to get laid..."_

_"Sam! I do not!" Lena exclaimed, throwing her pillow at her friend, which Sam easily caught._

_"So...you don't want to get laid?"_

_Lena blushed. "No...it's not..."_

_"Oh, come on. See, I knew it. Let's go out, and hook you up with someone."_

_"I'm not looking to hook up with some random frat boy, Sam."_

_Sam grinned mischievously. "Who said anything about a frat boy," she answered, raising her brow. "Josie is actually quite fond of you," she smirked._

_Lena stared at her blankly, then started to giggle out of nervousness. "You don't need to convince me of your delusions, Sam."_

_Sam chuckled. "I'm not making this up, Lena. She told me herself that she thought you were sexy. Especially that day you wore that green, low-cut blouse and black mini-skirt."_

_Lena's cheeks turned slightly pink. "She did not."_

_Sam laughed again. "Oh, yes, she did. I remember clearly. You were jaw-droppingly gorgeous that day, Lena," she winked. "Believe me. I remember."_

  


_Lena's face grew hot, and she shoved her friend, leaving them both giggling. Lena didn't say it, but she did love the attention she got. And so, she gave into Sam's pestering, and went out that night. She eventually did hook up with Josie with Sam's help, and it was memorable. The two dated for a solid 3 months._

  


And so, since the beginning, Sam had become a fixture in Lena's life. There's more detailing on how important Sam was since their meeting in college, and it can never be stressed enough. In the beginning, Sam was just a classmate, who happened to just become her room-mate, who then quickly became an acquaintance, then a friend, then a very close friend. She'd been the only one to jump to that point so quickly. Ever really. Lena had her doubts at first, but, eventually all that subsided. Being with Sam and having the woman expose her to different, valuable and meaningful experiences, helped Lena to touch upon the more "human" side of her that had been repressed for so long by her family. There was genuine fun, laughter, honest conversations, and support. It was nothing like she'd ever had before. It made her feel alive. It made her feel free.


	12. Best Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  Thank you everyone for all the kudos and supportive comments! It really means a lot, and motivates me to keep writing. Not to mention, it turns my focus back to which stories are in need of attention (Like so many other writers, I have a ton of WIP sitting around).
> 
> So thank you. Really :D  
> 

**Past - Lena - 20 Years Old**

  
Emotions Part X— Love and Friendship — A small bump in the tracks

  


Through almost two years of college experiences, Lena and Sam had become best friends. They'd lived through many experiences together. Sam had introduced Lena to her next boyfriend, Jared, and Lena watched as Sam fell head over heals over her own boyfriend, Tim. Later, they were there for each other when Lena's heart was broken by a cheating incident, where Sam got deeply involved with, and planned out a vengeful act against her ex. 

  


_"...I just..I can't believe he did that...", Lena said, as she sobbed on Sam's shoulder._

_"He's a dick, Lena. And thinks with it," she said harshly. "I can't believe I ever thought that he'd be good enough for you. I am so sorry."_

  


_Lena clung onto Sam. College was really the only time Lena had any real boyfriend/girlfriend relationships — meaningful ones. High school was all the drama of using people and superficial ties, which she partook in, like everyone else, so she wasn't a prude. But, in college, because of Sam, she actually engaged in mutual relationships that were founded on attraction and love. She's since had a few partners, such as Josie, Jared, and a few others, but they generally ended things amicably. She'd never been cheated on (at least as far as she knew), so having this happen, hurt her deeply. She vowed to remember how easy it was for her to fall in love with Jared, and to guard her heart better in the future._

  


_"No, it's not your fault, Sam. I loved him. I'm the one who fell for his game," she sobbed, trying to choke down her sorrow._

_"I'm not letting this go, Lena. I'm gonna make him pay," she said with clear anger and determination in her voice._

_"You don't..."_

_"Shh... Just leave it to me. I know just what to do," Sam finished, as she pulled her friend into a tight hug._

  


Needless to say, Sam went through with her plan, never mentioning to anyone what was involved. The guy never did come back, except to apologize profusely to Lena for his actions. She did hear him out, but shunned him nonetheless. The brunette was forever amazed at the depths in which Sam went for her. And later, she returned the favor. For when Sam had broken up with her boyfriend, after learning that he was a deadbeat with no goals of his own, and only had intentions of using Sam as a crutch to appease his parents, Lena was there with a bottle of vodka and a smile.

Their friendship only deepened since then, with Sam immediately becoming the first to be welcomed into Lena's "best friend zone." The trust they had built together was invaluable, especially when Lena had fallen into a vulnerable state. Lena had never seen anyone go to bat for her before, or defend her, despite the looming odds against them. But Sam, was different. So different. Sam was her own force. Her own person. She believed in Lena and knew what Lena was, outside that Luthor name. Sam was the epitome of what Lena truly believed a best friend would really be, and she cherished that relationship like no other.


	13. Terra Simon

**Present Day (Same Day)**

  


After having to last through several more hours of work before she could responsibly take a break, she finally found some time much later in the afternoon to escape to Noonan's, where she nursed a drink, rather than a late lunch and coffee. It was close to 3pm, way after the lunch rush had ended, yet too early for a mid-day work reprieve for most, and certainly not late enough for an early dinner. The restaurant was as empty as it could be.

Lena found a table near the back, away from the prying eyes of the windows. The last thing she needed was some lousy tabloid photographer capturing her drinking in the middle of the day. She could't even imagine what outrageous nonsense they'd come up to title it with. "Powerful CEOs Who Can Drink During Work Hours." "Lena Luthor Stood Up." "Lena Luthor Sulking Over Break-Up?" Yep, those headlines sucked, and so did being watched. Luckily, there were no media folks this time, but still, she erred on the side of caution.

To her credit, she didn't go for a hard drink, as much as she wanted to. She only wanted to escape the office, and there was no presentable bar open yet that she was willing to go to. And, if she really wanted something hard, she'd just go home or stay at the office where her more expensive liquor was stored. Instead, she nursed a fruity cocktail, occasionally taking small sips. In between, she stirred its contents with the small, black stirrer that had been placed in it, watching as bits of berries bobbed across the surface. The movements mesmerized Lena, as her thoughts drifted away, calming her mind like some therapeutic exercise. She was practically zoned out, when a woman called out to her.

  


"Excuse me, miss," the woman interrupted.

  


Lena blinked a few times, waking her from her daze, as she looked up to meet the eyes of an older woman. Her eyes were kind and warm. It was the only thing Lena noticed right away, before she saw the woman smile. Those hazel eyes though, somehow took her by surprise.

  


"Yes?" Lena responded with a professional and pleasant tone.

"I'm sorry, but...I was hoping to join you."

"Excuse me?" the younger woman questioned.

  


She was confused at first, but then realized that this was probably some attempt to gain her audience for some unplanned business purpose. These types of things happened more often than not, so she was well prepared for it.

  


"I'm sorry, but, I'm on a personal break at the moment. You understand," she said, tilting her head and giving the woman a knowing look. "If you'd like to discuss business, please call my office. My assistant will make an appointment with you."

"I do apologize, yes, I do understand. However..."

  


Lena's eyes narrowed, as she waited to hear the older woman's excuse.

  


"I believe I can help you."

  


The CEO kept looking at her, but internally, she rolled her eyes, thinking that this was just some sales pitch after all. But, what did surprise Lena, was what she said next.

  


"You're probably thinking this is a sales pitch of sorts, Ms. Luthor."

  


Lena perked up, arching a brow, suddenly taken aback as if the woman read her thoughts.

  


"You read my mind perfectly."

  


The woman just smiled, but Lena saw that there was more than just amusement behind it. There was something...almost mysterious about it. But, before she could say anything else, the woman had helped herself to a seat across from the young Luthor. Lena was somewhat amused by the act, considering the lack of invitation, and leaned back in her chair with her arms crossed, staring the woman down with her lack of approval.

  


"Brazen action, Ms...."

"Simon. Terra. It's a pleasure to be of acquaintance."

  


Lena smirked at the woman's sudden assumption of jumping into the brunette's "Acquaintance Category," and skipping "Complete Stranger" right away. 

  


"Ms. Simon then. To what do I owe this rude interruption."

The woman smiled once more. 

"I understand your apprehension, Ms. Luthor, but I promise you, I am here with the sincerest of motives."

  


_Motives..._

The word definitely struck a chord with the young CEO. Everyone she came across usually had them. Lena was about to say something dismissive again, but the older woman spoke first.

  


"To assure you, I am honestly only here to help."

Lena scoffed with amusement. "I need no help from a random stranger. Though, I appreciate the kind gesture. The only help I need right now, is what sits in this glass," she said, pointing at her drink.

The woman chuckled lightly. "I'm sure everyone on this planet finds comfort in a drink or two under stressful periods. Don't worry. I won't hinder you from yours."

  


_This planet..._

Lena's ears perked at those particular words. Perhaps they were just said in passing, and most wouldn't have thought much of it, but for Lena, it raised another red flag. Those words weren't usually part of a normal conversation, and most of National City, if not the world, knew about the existence of aliens, so the use of such phrasing, was rarely used, unless to indicate some meaning behind them. 

The CEO then took a drink from her glass, and kept her eyes on the woman. She was middle aged, possibly fifty, give or take, with short blonde hair that showed slightly lighter tones mixed in; a sign of aging. She was fairly skinny, and though Lena never stood next to her, she could tell that the woman was rather tall. As she eyed her, she tried to find any indication of any malicious intent; any gesture or twinge in her body to give reason to doubt the woman's worded intent. Unfortunately, she found none.

  


"So then, what _is_ this 'help' that you offer?" she said, to humor the conversation.

"Comfort."

  


Lena once more raised a brow. The woman kept being vague, but seemed to always pin-point certain words that peaked Lena's interest.

  


"Apologies. I know this sounds very odd to you. But, as I was ordering my drink of there, I noticed you sitting alone in the corner. You seemed terribly troubled. Again, I know this may sound strange, but I want to offer you an ear, and perhaps some words of advice to help you on your way. If you're willing."

  


Lena leaned back in her chair. Now, she was very intrigued. Unwilling to go back to the office, and finding this interaction quite a nice distraction, she decided to play her little game.

  


"Alright. You have ten minutes to persuade me that you are what you say you offer."

  


The woman bowed her head slightly as a sign of gratitude.

  


"Ms. Luthor. The world knows a lot about your life, so I'm sure it doesn't surprise you that I knew who you were, and that I'd know of some of the troubles that you're dealing with. The media covers so much."

"Both truth and lies," Lena interrupted.

"Yes. Most definitely."

  


There was a bit of silence, as the two sipped on their drinks.

  


"Before I continue, I want you to know that I cause you no harm and that I may say some things that may alarm _you_ , specifically."

  


_Harm..._

Lena sat back with her emotional armor up. Her body was fully ready to take on whatever attack was coming. Being no stranger to all variations of attempts on her life, she sat up strong and unwavering. The aura she gave off was intimidating, when combined with that ever sharp stare. But, instead of cowering or showing any signs of weakness to the woman's glare, Terra only smiled.

  


"Your walls may work well against normal people, Ms. Luthor, but not me."

  


_Normal..._

The woman smirked with contentment, at seeing the moment when Lena flinched.

  


"I'm an empath, Ms. Luthor. I can sense your emotions from miles away. They're quite...strong."

"You're an alien."

"I am."

"What sick joke is this?" the brunette spat. 

  


She assumed it was some test of her being a Luthor. No alien normally befriended her in this manner, and she automatically assumed the worse.

  


"Please, Ms. Luthor," the woman pleaded. "I already warned you. There's no need to be hostile."

"How do you expect me to trust you? I don't know you or what your motives are. You approach me out of nowhere, claiming to read my mind, only to help me, knowing who I am? Forgive my lack of understanding," she said with annoyance.

  


All of a sudden, the woman reached into her pocket, with Lena's eyes sharp to follow. And in a second, a wave of changes was seen on the woman. An image inducer, Lena deduced, as she now saw the woman in her true form. She seemed mostly humanoid, other than the ridges of flesh along the bridge of her nose, and bright amber eyes. Her fair skin had darkened slightly, and showed what looked like freckles along her cheekbones. Additionally, the woman's hair had all but disappeared, leaving her bald.

  


"You...you disabled it," Lena said with a quiet tone, utterly confused by the gesture. "You're putting yourself in danger considering..."

"That there's still members of the Children of Liberty roaming around? Yes. I'm quite aware."

"Then why...?"

"To gain your trust. If I'm willing to put my life in jeopardy, in order for you to believe that I only want to help you, then so be it."

  


Lena continued to sit back, but Terra saw the woman's defenses lower slightly.

  


"Turn it back on," the CEO demanded.

"For what reason."

"Despite what you may or may not know about me," she started. "I still do not wish harm to befall anyone. Whatever your motives are, Ms. Simon, I'd rather we speak with the least amount of external influences as possible."

  


The woman smiled once more, then with a push of a button, she returned to her "human self."

  


"Thank you for your concern regarding my safety," Terra nodded.

  


Lena raised her glass and tipped her head slightly, before taking a long sip. As she did so, the woman spoke up again.

  


"And _that_ attitude, is precisely why I felt obligated to help you. For someone with as big of a heart as I could feel, _you_ , carry so much more pain and burden than you should."

  


The heartfelt words, whether genuine or not, cracked Lena's facade.

  


"There's much pain in you. It hurts me to see that. You're a good person, Lena Luthor. You deserve better."

  


Lena tried to choke down the emotions that were rattling within, and she attempted to keep her tears from falling. The woman reached out her hand, covering the brunette's, in order to comfort her. The woman's eyes stared right into Lena's, as if she was reading her soul. Surprisingly, Lena didn't feel violated by it. Instead, she felt compassion and warmth.

  


"You doubt yourself too much, young one," she uttered. "I can see the emotional wounds that you bear. They run deep..."

  


Lena continued to hold back as much as she could, rendered weak by the woman's heart-warming words. What surprised her, was that the woman's eyes started to water, and how tears slowly streamed down Terra's cheeks.

  


"My child," she said, as she shook her head with disapproval. "You have many cuts that have failed to heal. The scars haven't even surfaced yet. Just mere scabs..."

  


A lump formed in Lena's throat as the woman continued to read her like no one ever had. She pulled away from the woman's hands, wiped a stray tear, then took another drink from her glass.

  


"I live a life of incessant turmoil."

"An understatement," the woman clarified.

  


Lena scoffed in amusement once more. The woman did _see_ her.

At first, Lena didn't know what to think about this whole interaction. She'd been rendered helpless, leaving her vulnerable with the way her mind was in shock, and how her emotions were left to run free. She feared being taken advantage of in this state.

  


"Lena," the woman said with calm tone. "There is no need to be afraid. I promise you. I mean you no harm," she repeated.

  


Lena wanted to speak, but couldn't get out any words to best relay her thoughts. So, instead, Terra spoke up for her.

  


"I will reiterate once more that I know you are a good person, Lena Luthor. And I, as an empath, cannot sit idly by and watch you suffer alone. I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that you were in need of help."

  


Lena sniffed, shook her head and crossed her arms, bracing herself in some measly attempt to control her nerve-wrecked body.

  


"I see many things in you. Many of the things that are hurting you. Mostly though, I see strong emotions revolving around love," the woman smiled. "There's a spark of hope...some happiness there. I can feel it. There's someone in your life you feel strongly for..."

  


Lena bit her lips. The whole conversation they were having was very unsettling. She wasn't prepared for any of this. Terra then reached out with both hands this time, resting both on the other woman's, and squeezed them lightly. The woman continued to stare into those green eyes, seeing past them, and saw a glimpse of a shadow, one that was slightly buried under all those emotions.

  


"There's a woman... You love her, don't you?"

  


Lena couldn't help herself then. Her tears ran down her face uncontrollably at the thought of Alex.


	14. Jack Spheer

**Past - Lena - 21 Years Old**

  
Emotions Part XI— Love — Another upward climb, followed by a steep drop

  


A while later, Lena met Jack. And that, was the best thing that'd ever happened to her (apart from Sam that is). They'd spent so much time together. Their lives were in sync. They shared similar interests, were intellectually compatible, and she was floored by his cunning charm and handsome looks. However, that relationship didn't last either. As Jack started to focus more on making a business out of his research, Lena slowly started to feel him slip away, finding that he was more concerned with his work than having love in his life. 

  


_"Jack, it's the fifth time that you've cancelled on me. I'm not taking this lightly anymore," Lena said bitterly. "If you want this...if you want us to work, then you need to let me be a part of your life, more than just a...a partner in your scientific endeavor!"_

  


_Jack looked up from his microscope. There's a clear annoyance in the way he huffed when he looked at her._

  


_"Lena, don't you understand? We are so close. So close," he stressed. "And at this crucial moment, you want to waste three hours at some fancy restaurant that only happens to serve fresh oysters from 7 - 9? Seems petty. In those same three hours, we could possibly have come up with a life changing break-through. You and me. Think about it!" he said with exasperation._

  


_Tears started to cloud her eyes. She couldn't believe that the man she loved didn't even think to what the dinner represented. It was his affection that she wanted, not some oyster bar or fancy dinner. Just time with them together. Alone. No work, just...them. She now felt inferior, where once, Jack had promised Lena a future together and treated her like she was the best thing in the world; promising anything she would ever want, including love._

_For weeks, she'd given him a chance. For weeks, she'd let him cancel dates and dinners to focus on his work, since she knew the importance of achieving your goals. However, there came a point when she couldn't take it anymore. As days went, she watched others around her partake in love's romance. They were couples who held hands, laughed together, danced together, kissed together and just loved together. She missed it all. She no longer felt like he loved her or had any interest in her at all, except for the use of her brain. There were barely any kisses, no affectionate glances, no slight brushing of fingers on each other's skin, not even hand holding._

_Frustrated at it all, Lena stomped over to him, picked up the microscope and threw it at him, nearly missing his head. He ducked just in time, and when he looked up, he was shocked at her violent action._

  


_"You...you could've killed me with that thing!"_

_"Oh, don't get dramatic on me, Jackie. Maybe, I would've given you a scar. Maybe. And maybe, I would've bruised your ego. But kill you? No," she said with a scathing tone._

  


_Jack just shook his head, looking down to where his broken microscope now laid._

  


_"That, was a waste of a perfectly good microscope. Unless maybe, that appeased your need to get all that needless anger out of you and we can move on from this!" Jack said. His voice was raised and his face reddened with anger._

_"You just don't get it, do you?" she scoffed. "We're done here. I'm done. Good luck with your tiny robots. I hope they're the love affair you're looking for," she spat, as she stomped away._

  


That night, after realizing what she had truly said, it broke Lena. She loved him, deeply; more than she'd loved anyone before. She swore that Jack loved her too. In the beginning it was pure bliss; a romantic fairy tale. He'd woo her with flowers, dazzle her with nerdy gifts, he even sang to her one night at a karaoke bar, in front of everyone. But now, Jack's attention and focus was solely on his work, and presently had no intention of sharing any of his time with Lena. With that, she once more found solace in the comfort of her best friend.

  


_"He doesn't deserve you, Lena. You gave him everything you could offer," she said, as she poured out shots of vodka for them both. They both downed it and winced at the burning sensation. Sam then continued. "I'm sorry it ended this way. I was really rooting for you two," she said with disappointment, as she poured them another round._

_"Me too Sam, me too," she softly commented, as she threw back her second shot of the night._

_"I just can't believe what an asshole he is," Sam said as she shook her head. "He doesn't get the right to toy with you like that," she continued._

  


Lena saw the look on Sam's face and the way her eyes narrowed its focus. She laid her hand on top of her friend's to calm her thoughts.

  


_"As much as I know you want to probably slap him...or worse, I plead that you don't."_

  


Sam chuckled. Lena knew her so well at this point.

  


_"I don't know why you're protecting him. He deserves to know how much he fucked up."_

_"Because...," she started, but then drifted off. "It's...it's different."_

_"You still love him," Sam clarified as she threw back another shot_

_"I do..."_

_"Fine," the woman relented, as she filled her glass once more._

_"It's that simple? You're just going to drop the idea like that?"_

_"For now. Because you asked so nicely," she teased. "For now, I say, we give this being single thing a shot. No ties, just fun. Fuck relationships!" Sam said enthusiastically while she raised the bottle up in the air, before she took a shot directly from it._

_Lena chuckled, grabbed the bottle from Sam, and took a swig from it as well. "Here, here!"_

  


And though that night of immediate comfort with Sam was a blessing, it didn't heal Lena's broken heart, not even close. Having never felt real love before, this experience hit her deeply. Those emotions tore through their contained boxes like they were made of paper. She couldn't think straight for days, had no willingness to attend classes, slept in most times, barely ate, and really didn't care much for anything. The worse part of it, was that Jack never did reach out to her again. No apologies. No words of concern. Nothing. Sometimes, she even wondered if he had even noticed her missing from his life.

Following the break, she had moments where she woke up groggy and laid in bed wondering if she made a mistake. Most nights, she wished that Jack was there, lying next to her; his larger frame wrapping her up in his warmth. It was such a blissful feeling. How she felt with Jack was a sense of safety and adoration, warmth and care. There was so much in that combination of feelings that made Jack her everything. Additionally, he never even once flinched at the idea of her being a Luthor. To Lena, that made such a difference. Just like it did with Sam. 

She questioned her actions over and over again. With Jack being her first true love, she wondered if she had broken up with him too hastily, and that perhaps she was just too caught up in the moment to realize that. She doubted throwing something like that away, fearing if there would ever be anything that would come close to it again. But then, her brain would sober up, realizing that he really did seem to slip away from her already. The lack of attention was definitely noticeable. It was so different from when they had first started dating. There used to be sweet messages randomly sent to her phone, stealthy kisses when she wasn't looking, and sometimes he had even sent flowers to her room for no reason. 

There was one moment in particular that stood out to her. Lena was in the garage, studying the nanobot sample under a microscope. She was the only one there. Jack hadn't gotten out of class yet, so she decided to go ahead and start working on their project. It'd been a long week of exams, project deadlines and sleepless nights, but nevertheless, whatever energy she had left, she spent working with Jack. Being with him, surrounded by his love, and wrapped up in a project that could potentially become a scientific breakthrough, was a world she was happy to be in; a perfect work-life balance, contained in one tiny, beat-up garage. She had a pair of headphones on, listening to some classical music and didn't hear when Jack entered.

_Lena pulled away from the microscope, and pinched the bridge of her nose as she squinted. There was too much strain on her eyes these past few days, and headaches constantly came. As she did so, strong arms slowly came around her waist and she was captured in a moment of warmth and love._

  


_"Darling, you're working too hard," Jack whispered into her ear, as he leaned his head next to hers. He then proceeded to plant soft kisses down her neck._

  


_Lena immediately smiled, placing her hands on top of his, as she tilted her neck, allowing Jack to continue the sensual touches of his lips on her skin. The brush of stubble, followed by the warm breaths, supple kisses, and slight sucking, led to the sudden rupture of bumps along her skin, that tingled her nerves as she shuddered._

  


_"Just keeping myself busy until you got here, love," she said, breathing heavily as she lost herself in the moment. A few hums of pleasure escaped her lips, before he pulled away and spun the brunette around._

  


_He looked into her eyes. Jack's was loving and full of adoration. He paused for a moment, then stole a glance, eyeing at her from head to toe._

  


_"Have I ever told you how beautiful you looked?" he said as a smile formed on his face._

_Lena gave a flirtatious smile. "Oh, perhaps a time or two," she teased, as she bridged the gap between them both and threw her arms around his shoulders._

  


_Faces barely apart, they leaned in for a passionate set of kisses that left them even more enamored with one another, than they had started with that evening._

  


_"Tell you what," he started. "Let's get out of here. I think there's a better way to spend this evening," he grinned._

_"Oh do tell," she said with a wry smile._

  


_With his hands placed on the woman's waist, he swayed her slightly as he looked down upon her face. The moved slowly to the rhythm of imaginary music._

  


_"What if I told you that I have a reservation for us at Chez Arseneau?"_

_Lena's mouth gaped open. "You did not," she said with disbelief._

_"Oh, I did," he said, as he grinned even wider at her surprise._

_"I can't believe it. I've wanted to go since they opened. The waiting list for a table is nearly impossible. How did you manage?"_

  


_He gave a modest chuckle. "Well, I had to work for it," he said as he shifted his eyes upward, recalling all the compounding favors he had to call in to do so._

  


_He then looked back down to Lena and pulled her closer to his chest._

  


_"And to see that look on your face...I'd do it all again," he smiled happily. "I'd do anything for you Lena. I love you."_

  


_Lena teared up at the thought of having someone go through such trouble for her. Even if it was something as simple as a dinner reservation._

  


_"I love you too, Jackie," she said softly, before she pulled his face down towards her, crashing their lips together. It was her way of expressing the gratitude that overflowed from her heart, where words would not suffice._

  


The reminder of this memory had her eyes full of tears that poured down her face; the only physical evidence of the pain that clutched her heart. She knew those moments were gone, never to return, since as of late, there was barely anything above a standard 'hello' with him.

And now, especially after their last interaction, without him reaching out to her, it solidified the idea that he had no qualms about her being around or not. She felt deeply hurt, and so many were tears shed, knowing that he didn't seem care any more and didn't want to try. Lena would cry herself to sleep for so many nights. Most times, she convinced herself that it was the right decision. Then there were others, where she questioned if it was. She even wondered if maybe there was still hope for them, if they tried to work on the problem.

At the end of this internal debate though, she was left frustrated, emotionally drained, and tired. She was torn, and would go on to debate back and forth for days. Sam did her best to help her friend heal, but in the end, it was just time that Lena needed. It was really what anyone in her shoes could have ever really need. It took months and months to get over Jack. The pain lingered, but the sharpness of it dulled over time. Sam was there every step of the way. She'd somehow acquire copies of assignments, already completed, then modified them so that Lena could hand in something, without missing a beat. Sam got her to eat, even if it was just ice cream or french fries for dinner. Sam even took her out dancing to have fun and distract her thoughts. Through it all, she was there.

In hindsight, it was torture for sure, but having healed from it, Lena thanked having the chance to ever love like that. The experience opened her eyes to understand the full extent of it. And now, years later, she started to feel the start of something similar with Alex. It was frightening and worrisome for sure. Lena wasn't ready for a relationship. Her heart was telling her otherwise, but logic was fighting to win this one out. In the back of her mind, she knew she wasn't in a place to offer the best of herself to someone like Alex. Alex deserved better. She deserved someone who could love her with their full attention, not someone whose life was burdened by horrific experiences, troubled emotions, overly complicated choices and repercussions, who also happened to have an unsteady mental state.


	15. Reassurances

**Present Day (Same Day)**

  


After having come down from her sobs, Lena relented and opened up to the woman, but spared some details, as she was still untrusting of the stranger.

  


"Yes. There is someone," Lena admitted. "She...she's a wonderful individual," the brunette said. 

  


The thought of Alex brought about a smile on Lena, that she didn't even realize had formed. That brief moment of solace comforted Terra.

  


"I cannot reveal her name..."

"Not to worry. I won't pry that far. I understand your concerns. Please, go on."

  


Lena gave her thanks for the respect in privacy and continued.

  


"She's a friend. I met her through her sister, who also happens to be a friend of mine. Over the past year, I've...I've been struggling with some...," Lena held her tongue back at the idea of saying the word, 'depression,' and just glossed over it. "Some...problems over the past few years. I've managed to cope with them to some degree, but until about a year ago, things weren't as easy to deal with..."

  


The woman continued to squeeze Lena's hands tightly, and urged her to continue. She knew that this would be therapeutic for the younger woman, and it would provide Terra with information on how to best help her.

  


"It wasn't until I had a...conflict with my friend. And...in a very strange turn of events, her sister and I became close. We have very much in common and...over time, I found comfort in her presence."

  


Lena pulled away her hands and felt a bit more sure of herself, as she went on to tell the story. She took another sip from her glass and focused on the beads of sweat that sat on its surface. Her fingers played with them, as her mind started to drift more onto the story of Alex.

  


"The long and short of it, is that we started to get closer. We were intimate with each other for quite some time after the fact," she said with a grin. She attempted to lighten the conversation, and smirked when she said, "And, dare I say...she's quite good in bed."

  


The woman chuckled, happy for the change in mood. Lena then continued.

  


"Anyway, we never really defined what our relationship was. And truthfully, we kept it secret from everyone else that we knew."

"Even her sister?" Terra inquired.

"Especially her sister."

"May I ask why?"

"It's complicated. But I assume you could summarize it best as, a combination of fear and uncertainty. They're very close siblings. And I'm quite close to them both. There's some worry about how it'd affect our dynamic. But more so...," Lena took a deep breath. "I have...reservations regarding it all."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning about having a real relationship with her."

  


Lena explained a bit more in detail about everything we've already come to know. The guilt, doubt, self-worth, and all the baggage. The brunette also touched upon the subject of love and Jack, and her experience with it. Lena clarified how she'd been able to handle the break-up back then. But now, she had true fears of dealing with a similar type of pain, if she and Alex were to split. The CEO admitted that, as a whole, her mind and heart weren't ready to deal with something so traumatic.

Terra took a sip of her drink and left a moment of silence lingering, to make sure that everything Lena wanted to say, had been said. After a while, she spoke up.

  


"Love is a powerful force, you've felt its entirety. From one end of the extremity to the other," Terra noted, as she recalled how she sensed every emotion Lena did, as the woman explained her relationship with Jack.

"You've seen the value in having something that important in your life. As you know, there's joy there. It's unique from the other types of happiness that a person comes across in their lifetime. Love, from a significant other, just...surpasses so much. Living without it can be difficult, and since you've already had a taste of it once before, you easily crave it, despite having defaulted to the idea that you'd never love like that again. Yet, those feelings, those desires, will never die. The only way to cope with them, I feel, is to find it again. And Lena, the way I sense about how you speak about this woman, you've found it."

  


Lena smiled at the reassurance. She'd never spoken to anyone about Alex. Not even her therapist. The fact that a complete stranger understood it fully and felt what she feels about Alex, brought Lena a sense of relief, albeit temporary. Her negative thoughts automatically came to surface again, as if it was her mind's intention to steal her away from the idea of love.

  


"I sense your doubt again, Lena. You must try to rise above that. You need to see reason outside of your past, and outside of your fears. Yes, love is frightening for so many reasons, with so much uncertainty constantly looming around it. But, love like this," she said as she gestured with her hands clenched to her chest, at feeling the warmth of their love, "Love like this is worth the risk. It's worth fighting for. I feel you already know this, deep within yourself. You may not believe your own heart, but believe me when I tell you that it's real."

  


Lena felt those words, deep in her core. It helped the brunette greatly, to hear that from someone else; someone who seemed so deeply invested in her happiness with Alex.

The woman saw how her words had found their way into Lena's heart, and she was content at the feeling she was sensing from the younger woman. Terra felt confident at having given the young Luthor the advice she needed to hear.

  


"I see you're at a much better place now, Lena. I should take my leave, but please, heed my advice. I would truly love to know that you found the happiness you deserve."

  


The woman slowly stood up from her seat, and Lena quickly followed.

  


"Thank you...for listening. For everything, really," Lena said as she reached out her hand to shake.

  


The woman shook her head and instead closed the distance and enveloped the younger woman in a tight embrace. It was the final act that cracked Lena. She felt the warmth and sincerity of the woman's entire being, flow through that connection. She swallowed the lump in her throat, as her tears came up once more.

  


"You're very welcome, child."

  


The woman pulled away, but noticed a sense of hesitation from the younger woman when she did so. Terra then pulled out a piece of paper and a pen from her purse and scribbled on some information before handing it to Lena.

  


"A way to contact me. Should you ever find the need."

  


Lena graciously accepted it and gave her thanks once more.

  


"Now, go. Don't disappoint me. Find your love, Lena Luthor."

  


Terra gave her a knowing nod, then left the restaurant. Lena stood there a little less confused, a little less upset, and her mood was the lightest it'd been all day.

Lena finished her drink, pulled out her purse, then left a hefty tip on the table. She added the woman's contact information into her phone, thanking her luck that she'd met that amazing woman. She wanted to tell someone about the experience, but really didn't have anyone to turn to, considering how secretive she and Alex had been about whatever it was they had with each other. She thought about it carefully on her way back to the office, and by the time she'd gotten to the lobby of L-Corp, her emotions were still working off the high from the conversation with Terra. That feeling, led to Lena to the decision of revealing her secret with Sam.


	16. A Brave First Step

**Present Day (Same Day)**

  


Time had escaped Lena during her conversation with Terra, and by the time she'd returned, it was well after 5pm. Knowing that Sam would still be at work, she texted her.

  


_[5:37 pm] Me: "Sam, would you happen to have some time to talk this evening?"_  
_[5:39 pm] Sammy: "Of course, Lena. You know I always have time for you ;)"_  
_[5:40 pm] Me: ":)"_  
_[5:40 pm] Sammy: "I'll come up as soon as I finish signing some paperwork, k?"_  
_[5:41 pm] Me: "Thanks Sammy. I'll see you soon."_

  


Lena knew that once she and Sam spoke, her work day would practically be done. So, while she waited for her friend, she did the responsible thing and took care of some open items that she needed to handle as well.

It was almost 7pm when Sam arrived, carrying a bottle of vodka.

  


"Sam," Lena said as she tilted her head. Her smile was full of adoration her friend who brought their signature drink.

"What? We always bonded over important issues with this," she said, as she waved the clear bottle.

  


Lena just shook her head and grinned, while Sam filled two shot glasses.

  


"Darling, I'm not looking to get wasted this evening. I just wanted to tell you about something that's been on my mind for days now. Months, really."

  


Sam continued to smile and handed Lena one of the glasses, as she raised her brow. Her look pretty much told her that she needed to accept it, which, Lena did of course.

  


"I know how stressed you've been. Especially after you dropped that bomb on me this morning, I figured things were at a desperation point. You _need_ at least one shot to get through whatever it is you need to tell me. Trust me. I know you. Remember?"

  


Lena gave her a charmed look, then came around her desk and nudged the taller woman in jest. Sam nudged her back and smiled. The two eventually made their way over and settled comfortably on the couch.

  


"Okay, Sam, I..."

"Nuh uh. Hold that thought. Drink," she said, as she held up her shot glass for a toast.

  


Lena chuckled, but then did then same, raising her glass with her friend's, before they both threw back the shot. Their faces cringed at the aftertaste that burned a trail down from their tongue to their throat.

  


"God that's awful. How did we ever used to keep doing that?" Lena said, wishing she had something to chase the drink down with.

"We must've had killed our taste buds back in college," Sam joked.

  


The both of them laughed as they suddenly recalled how much they drank while in college. It was amazing that they graduated with the grades they did, all things considered. Lena became easily caught up in the memories of her and Sam, as she basked in the joy of having Sam be the first to know about her feelings for Alex.


	17. Taking Things One Step Further

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  Sexual Content. 
> 
> I dunno. Maybe it's badly written. Sorry, I'm not there with it yet. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> 

**Past - Lena - 21 Years Old (Weeks later after breaking up with Jack)**

  
Emotions Part XII— Love — Another steep climb

  


For weeks after Jack, both Lena and Sam remained single, joking about men and how much better off they were without them. They got used to drinking together. It was a way for them to comfort themselves, enjoy life, and to numb out their problems. They were also there for each other when the time came to hold each other's hair back, retching over the porcelain throne. And, they were there for each other, when they shared their first intimate moment together.

Lena wasn't exactly sure how it all went down. To Sam's credit, she didn't either. It started with a bad day involving some guy who was interested in Lena, and then there was some crying, and obviously some vodka. Then the next thing they knew, they were kissing. It was passionate and lustful. Their lips swirled around each other, and led to tongues grazing across and into each other's mouths, as it escalated to sucking and biting. The heated kisses engulfed them both, and in time, were left to roam and ravage each other's bodies. Trailing lips left varying shades of reddened marks on sensitive skin. Pink ones were seen on the sides of their necks by the ears, which lowered to the redness near the collarbone. Nipping teeth brought both pleasure and pain, leaving marks of their own. The sensual play continued on. Evidence of wanting mouths were left behind. Those blemishes continued down the sternum, speckled around plump breasts, and scattered sparsely around the landscape of the soft skin of their midsection. Their colors darkened the lower they went on their bodies. The blood-red shades were ever prevalent at the edges of the hips, and worsened even more along the inner thighs. Moans of pleasure gave way to more desire, satiated only by the wandering of hands and fingers that eventually caused their bodies to ripen with need. Their heightened senses were at their peaks when finally their climactic endings gave way to weakened muscles.

Everything felt right to them both. They connected on so many levels that it seemed to make sense. They knew each other, felt comfortable around each other, and felt safe with each other. As they sobered throughout the night, it left them vividly remembering how amazing the experience was, and how if felt to be in each other's arms thereafter. They were left satisfied, feeling nothing but content in the contact of soft skin, the embrace of comforting warmth, and the soothing sound of each other's heartbeats. And they knew, come morning, they'd have to talk about what happened. For now though, as the night wandered into the cusps of daybreak, they laid in each other's arms, listening to panting breaths and racing heartbeats.

  


_"God, Sam," Lena breathed heavily. "That was...amazing," she said; her body lay limp, feeling satiated and weak._

  


_Sam shifted to her side. Her elbow dug into the sheets as her head laid in her hand. Her gaze focused on Lena, with genuine happiness coming across from both her smile and in the gleam in her eyes. Her long, slender fingers lightly danced along the surface of the woman's stomach. Her gentle touches brought a large smile to Lena's face._

  


_"You weren't that bad yourself, Ms. Luthor," she teased, then shifted closer and lowered herself to kiss her soft and supple lips._

  


_Sam slowly pulled away first, then kissed Lena's forehead, before looking into those shimmering green eyes. There was real happiness in them, and it warmed Sam's heart._

  


_"Now this is the Lena Luthor I love to see. You deserve all the happiness, and one day you'll find it. I'll make sure of it."_

  


_Lena combed her fingers through Sam's hair, then pulled her down into a passionate kiss. There was so much raw emotion that Lena was feeling at that moment, and Sam's words only let the flood gates open. Sam was really so special, and she couldn't imagine what she'd done to deserve someone like her in her life. Lena knew that this probably wouldn't be anything other than a one time event, but, she relished it. There was just something about getting Sam's attention that she always loved, and now, with this incredible woman in her arms, everything just felt, right._

  


Luckily, when morning came, the talk wasn't as awkward as they had anticipated. They discussed it fully, and understood it for what it was. Their closeness and vulnerability led to to that night, but they both agreed that they weren't going to make little of what had happened. There was notably some spark there, and though they didn't verbally express it, they both mutually acknowledged it. They were open to the idea of possibly allowing the relationship to take its course, but also agreed that they wouldn't force it. They valued each other, and they would continue on as friends, and if that road led them to something more over time, then that's what it would become.

 

Nowadays, at times like she was having today, after reaching out to her best friend for support, she often thought back about Sam, and the amount of chaos and eye-opening experiences the woman brought about. There was plenty of good and bad decisions alike, but not one had she regretted. Occasionally, she even wondered if her sexuality would have even been a factor, had Sam not intervened in her life since the start of college. She wasn't sure, but she knew that Sam had helped to her to further understand herself better than anyone ever had. And now, with her thoughts revolving around a certain redheaded DEO agent, she felt that the love she had with Jack, the physical attraction and experience she had with Sam, seemed to all embody themselves in one Alexandra Danvers.


	18. A Walk Down Memory Lane

**Present Day (Same Day)**

  


They started to laugh when they started talking about the many failed relationships that they'd witnessed together. The memories of lost loves; topics that now weren't as delicate to the touch as they once were, had become things that they'd occasionally look back on. They eventually came to the conclusion that they were happy to have had those experiences to build them into the people they were today, despite the heartache it caused them many years ago. It was a sign of healing and growth. It was healthy, for both of them. And, more often times than not, they'd find ways to make light of the situation, by poking fun at some of their past encounters.

  


"You know, I'm still bummed that my match-making efforts with you and Josie never panned out."

  


Lena rolled her eyes. Josie was always one that Sam brought up. The two were on the volleyball team together and were somewhat close. When Sam had first introduced them, her eyes lit up at seeing how well they interacted with each other. Sam thought it would've been a great match. In the end, when the relationship ended, Sam wasn't completely upset, but she wasn't thrilled about it either. She was more disappointed about it than anything. It also didn't help that since she had to deal with both of their sulking and complaining after the fact.

  


"Sam, for the last time, we weren't a perfect match," Lena explained with tone that expressed how tired she was of the topic being brought up.

"Yea, I hear you. But, man...you guys were so cute together."

"She and I just had different priorities," Lena shrugged.

  


Sam just continued to shake her head, as she pressed her lips into a tight smile. Lena just laughed.

  


"She was too laid back, Sam. We just didn't see eye to eye when it come down to the important things."

"Love's important, Lena."

"So is my career," she retorted. "Josie supported me, but she was a very bad influence when it came to responsibilities."

"Oohhh, like that time you both cut out of Lit class? On the first day of class presentations no less," the woman chuckled whole-heartedly.

  


Lena's face blushed, then downed the shot she'd been holding onto.

  


"Yes, precisely like that," Lena answered, but her face grew warm at the thought.

"I can't even imagine. You _both_ ditched out one of the most important classes of the semester. Man, the sex must've been great," she teased as she winked.

"Sam!" she scolded playfully as she smacked the woman's thigh.

  


Sam just continued to laugh harder, nearly spilling the shot she was holding. She loved teasing Lena, and Lena loved teasing her. It was one of the more endearing qualities of their relationship.

  


"I'm not going to humor you again about how that morning went," Lena continued, pretending to be upset, but not really at all.

"No need. I remember hearing about it. Mostly from Josie," she half chuckled. "I'm jealous I didn't have something like that going on at the time. Mr. Pedri was such an ass that day. He tore everyone's presentation up. Including mine!" she exclaimed, as she threw back her shot.

  


Lena laughed, but remembered too, how badly she got lectured for missing class, then had to give her presentation separately, then had to do a supplemental report on top of that, as a sort of make-up. After that thought, Lena happily poured them another round.

  


"Don't worry Sammy. When it comes down to sex, you definitely hold the bar," Lena said with a flirtatious and teasing tone. Her face expressed the same.

  


Sam bit her lips, but couldn't help the grin that wanted to come out. And, maybe it was the liquor already that already to settled in her stomach and made its way into her blood stream, or the fact that she was slightly embarrassed, or the fact that she knew that Lena always had a way of making her blush, but her face started to turn slightly pink, and her ears felt like it was on fire. Whichever it was, Lena was more than content at getting the reaction she saw. She never grew tired of seeing her friend squirm like that, especially when she was the reason behind it.

  


Coming back into her senses, she quipped, "Well...you know...," she shrugged with a bit of smugness, knowing that she didn't need to finish the sentence to get her point across. She was much too confident in herself to say otherwise.

  


Lena just arched her brow with a look of disbelief at her cocky response and giggled at the memory of it. Sam did have a reason to be confident.

After the laughter died down, the silence inched its way into the space between them, turning the air a bit more serious.

  


"We've shared a lot of experiences together, Lee. I'm glad we're still close."

"I am too. I'm so sorry I tried to ruin it," she said, as her gaze slowly lowered.

  


She then took a deep breath and threw back the third shot of the evening.

  


"Hey...," her friend said, as she placed her hand on her friend's knee. "It's okay. It's in the past. We're here now. Don't dwell on that. Yea, it was a shitty situation, but we survived. It's O-kay," she said, drawing out those syllables.

"It's not okay, Sammy. I never forgave myself for not being there for you, and for being so selfish..."

"Lena, look at me. Look at us now. We're still best friends, right? We're still doing shots of vodka like we always did, for fucks sake. Only, this time, we're in a company that _you_ own, Lena Luthor. And not some tiny dorm room with twin beds and more furniture than floor space. Now, drop it. I'm not buying that pout of yours anymore."

  


Sam slid closer to her friend and wrapped her arm around the CEO's shoulder, pulling her in to lean up against her. Lena fell into the familiar comfort of Sam's strong frame; her warmth radiated through to her. Lena still remembered the pain she'd felt the time when Sam was no longer part of her life. She remembered how stupid she was to let herself believe that she needed to break from it. And it was all because _she_ let it happen.

Those thoughts were still as fresh as ever, and continued to made her feel guilty. They always did. She resented all of her actions and everything that happened because of it. She especially hated how it all started with her mother.


	19. Rejection of Sexuality

**Past - Lena - 21 Years Old (2 months after her intimate moment with Sam)**

  
Emotions Part XIII— A Mash-up of Love, Friendship, Family — A steep drop

  


It wasn't until Lena's father passed, that things had changed. Sam was there when Lena got the call from Lillian. Sam was there to shoulder her cries until she was ready to take leave. And Sam was there to comfort her, holding her hand throughout the duration of the funeral. 

Later that afternoon, when Sam was introduced to Lillian, Lena saw that look once more. It was that scornful, rejectioned look that she first remembered seeing as a child. Lena immediately knew that she needed to separate Sam from her as quickly as possible. However, the impression had already been made, and when both Luthors were alone, Lillian scolded her for associating with a lesbian. Lena defended her friend with everything she could, but her training had been somehow forgotten; Lex's words lost. Lena argued with her mother, and her emotions were spilling everywhere. It only further disgusted her adopted mother. The woman threatened her daughter, claiming that if she wasn't going to break off her association from Sam, that she would make sure that her "friend" would never be able to see her again, and she would inevitably regret the day she ever crossed paths with a Luthor.

Lena feared Lillians words, and her mother took pride in seeing that. When they finally left each other's presence, Lena quickly went to find Sam, and hurried her out of the house. They talked the rest of the day about what happened; everything in full detail.

  


_"Lena, I'm sorry, but I don't give a fuck what that bitch says," Sam said without much of a care, as she took a shot of the vodka Lena had procured for them._

_"Sam, no. You have to understand. My mo...Lillian, is someone you should fear."_

  


_Sam scoffed with laugher._

  


_"Since when do I fear anyone?" she said with a challenged expression on her face, as she raised her brow at her friend._

  


_Lena pleaded even harder._

  


_"Please, Sam. I care about you too much, and I'd never forgive myself if she did anything to jeopardize your future. You may not fear them, but you know how capable the Luthors are, and how ruthless they can be. My family has just lost Lionel. There's so many things at play, and Lillian is going through a power trip now that he's no longer around."_

  


_Sam sighed. Despite her "not taking anyone's bullshit" attitude, she wasn't ignorant enough to brush away the idea of what Lillian is capable of doing. Their family's reputation was fairly known._

  


_"So what? We stop being friends? Is that what you're asking? Because, hell can freeze over, and I'm still not letting that happen," she said, swallowing another drink, as Lena watched her twinge at the burn._

_"No. I...I want us to still be friends. That much is certain. But...perhaps we should somehow keep more distance between us."_

_"Lena, I'm your damn roommate. How the fuck is that even supposed to happen?"_

  


_Lena bristled at the thought that came across her mind, but mumbled it quietly anyway._

  


_"We'll have to swap out."_

  


_Sam went wide-eyed with surprise._

  


_"You're...you're kidding, right?"_

  


_Lena just shook her head slowly._

  


_"Lena, you're a fucking adult. You're really gonna let your mother...not even really your mother, tell you who you can and can't be friends with? We're not kids! Hell, even then, you really shouldn't be telling them who they want to be friends with or not!" she ranted angrily, as she poured herself a hefty serving of vodka._

_She downed a good swallow of it, cringing once more at the burn, then continued. "We've been friends and roommates since day one, Lena," she said somberly. "I...I can't really imagine not sharing the same room with you. I'd miss you too much," she shrugged._

  


_Lena saw the sadness finally hit her friend, and it made her heart melt. The whole thing wasn't easy for her either, but she cared deeply for Sam, and greatly feared the threat her mother had placed on the taller woman._

  


_"I'd miss you too, Sammy," she said with a broken smile. "It won't be easy. But, it's for the best. At least for now, and, we can still be friends..."_

  


_Sam shook her head, but smiled at the use of the familiar nickname. She wasn't used to being told what to do, or who she could or couldn't associate with, but seeing Lena so weakened by Lillian, made her at least open to the idea. She didn't want her to have to endure any more pain that came from her step-mother._

  


_"I'm going to regret the day I agreed to this," she said, downing her drink once more._

_"Thank you, Sam."_

  


They ended up spending that night together. Another night of passionate love-making, stemmed from pain, fueled by liquor, and driven by the need of comfort and expected loss of each other's company. Come morning, they spent a while together, savoring the moment as they held onto one other before saying goodbye. The next day, the paperwork was complete and Lena had been assigned to another room. By the end of the week, all of Lena's belongings had been transferred.

In the weeks that followed, it was difficult for them to get used to the change in their relationship. Lena, was waking up to someone else in her room, was never able to catch a meal with Sam, nor was she able to really talk to her when they saw one other throughout the day. They shared weakened smiles of acknowledgement and went about their way; relics of a once close friendship. As challenging and painful as it was, it was necessary. They concluded, that they needed to act as separate entities to successfully sell the illusion to her step-mother. Lena didn't realize how much it hurt not being able to spend time with Sam, especially when she had one of her roughest days. All she had was a bottle of vodka that Sam had given to her as a parting gift; something to remember her by. As time went on, she comforted herself with a shot or two, slowly emptying the bottle with each passing day.

  


_"At least...it's something," she'd say to herself. "A little bit of Sam...," she said, wishing all the world, that the warmth the alcohol provided could by anywhere as close to what Sam could have given her._

  


Those words were said the first night, before downing one last shot; it's number...she lost track of. Her eyes were red and puffy, as she clumsily made her way onto her twin bed, passing out from being too drunk.

The whole ordeal was scarring. It wasn't just the fact that she had to be separated from the one true friend she had, but that she learned of her mother's utter hatred of homosexuality. It was another jab at her existence; another flaw. Thankfully, Lillian was not aware of Lena's sexual preferences and encounters, but had she...Lena couldn't even fathom what would have happened to her. And so, for years, she had to hide that side of her; denying yet another part that made her Lena.


	20. Sam Cracks the Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
> 
> 
> **Thank you again for everyone who's continued to read so far. Thank you to for everyone who's kudo'ed and commented. I really appreciate the support :D It gives me the motivation to keep writing.**
> 
> If you guys follow me on [Tumbr](http://dreamsescapeus.tumblr.com), then you probably already know about my latest update about this work. If not, see it [here](https://dreamsescapeus.tumblr.com/post/184685179918/update-my-reaction-to-re-reading-my-published).
> 
> The short version is that I needed to go back to the beginning of this story to tie up loose ends and continue on with the plot. When I did that, I practically cringed when I read my first chapter and couldn't move forward. 😕
> 
> What this means: 
>   * I'll be editing the chapters from the start.
>   * I "might" be delayed in posting the next chapter, but hope not to.
> 

> 
> I appreciate your patience in advance, and thanks again for reading.
> 
> P.S. Lemme know your thoughts (good or bad, really, I can take it 🙂 ) or lemme know I'm doing okay? I got kinda bummed when I saw how bad my writings in the beginning were. A common writer's struggle. I know, but doesn't suck any less. 
> 
> Anyway, enough rambling. Enjoy!
> 
>   
> 

**Past - Lena - 21 Years Old (2 months after the ordeal with her mother and Sam)**

  
Emotions Part XIV— Friendships — An unexpected ascension

  


During the past two months, Lena made sure to limit her interactions with Sam. Sam tried her best too, but sometimes she just had to text Lena or wanted desperately to see her. Unfortunately, Lena avoided it all. It wasn't that she wanted to. It tore her apart to do it, but she knew it was for the best. Her mother's threat was so real and Lena couldn't have anything bad happen to Sam. It really was one of the hardest things she's had to do.

The distance between them did strain their friendship. At least from Lena's point of view. During that time, she had occasionally seen Sam on campus having fun with her other friends and couldn't help but feel like the outsider looking in. Other times, she'd run into her friend at the library studying alone, when normally they'd be there together. They'd exchange pained smiles but otherwise ignored each other. There were even times when just sitting in class, rows and seats away from her best friend, was torture. The experience made Lena bitter, jealous and a bit depressed. Days and days of this ate at her and eventually those feelings got embedded within her. Every time she even thought about Sam, even when she wasn't anywhere present, was agony. Being separated from the only real friend she had in the world, was challenging; Lena had already become too dependent on Sam's presence.

As time passed, Sam had taken the initiative to break their silence. It was clear that Lena's absence was something she wouldn't have let happen for any longer. It was always so difficult to stop Sam when she was determined as hell to get what she wanted. First, it started with incessant text messages. Lena tried to ignore them, but eventually, Sam got through to her.

  


_[12:03 am] Sam: "I'm so done with this. This is stupid"_  
_[12:03 am] Sam: "Josie has your last assignment. Stop missing class"_

  


_Lena wasn't sure what Sam was talking about. She hadn't missed any classes lately and she wasn't sure what assignment Sam was referring to. Confused, she texted her ex._

  


_[12:05 am] Me: "Hi Josie. I know it's late. I'm sorry, but I was told you have my assignment?"_  
_[12:10 am] Jos: "Hey girl, yea I do. Slacker. Just got in. Meet at Tracy's?"_  
_[12:11 am] Me: "Now?"_  
_[12:11 am] Jos: "Um..yea?"_  
_[12:12 am] Me: "It's past midnight, Jos"_  
_[12:12 am] Jos: "And yet you're still awake and texting me. Stop being a princess. Come on. It's been a while since I've seen you anyway"_  
_[12:13 am] Me: "I'm not third-wheeling your evening"_  
_[12:13 am] Jos: "LMAO. With Tracy??? Fuck no, Lee. She's like my sister. Gross."_  
_[12:14 am] Me: "You two were always close..."_  
_[12:14 am] Jos: "What part of 'like a sister' did you not get? Damn, you're still as jealous of her as you've always been. Kinda flattering tho 😉 "_  
_[12:15 am] Me: "You can't see it, but I'm rolling my eyes at you"_  
_[12:15 am] Jos: "AHAHAHA, I miss seeing that look"_  
_[12:15 am] Me: "I'm doing it again 🙂"_  
_[12:16 am] Jos: "LMAO. Oh my god, just get your ass over here already."_

  


_It was late. And yea, she was already in her pjs, but she was smiling. She did miss that playful side of her ex. But really, she missed having anything as close to a social life since distancing herself from Sam. She sighed heavily but threw on a sweatshirt anyway. Lena pulled up the hoodie to hide her undone hair, slipped on a pair of sneakers and left. Luckily, going to Tracy's meant that she didn't have to leave the dorm. Her room was only three floors above hers. When she got there, Josie opened the door with a giant smile, grabbed Lena suddenly by the wrist and pulled her inside._

  


_"It's nice seeing you princess," Josie greeted as she hugged her ex._

  


_Lena blushed slightly at the use of her old pet name. Josie used to tease her about being so prissy about certain things that it kind of just stuck one day; despite her attempts at stopping the woman from calling her that. Lena believed that the more she pushed Josie about it, the more her ex did it anyway. She was always a pain like that._

  


_"You never change, do you Jos?"_

_"Did ya really think I would?" she smirked._

_"Should have known better," Lena teased._

_"Yea, really, miss Einstein."_

  


_Lena playfully glared at her and shoved her in jest._

  


_"So, what's this assignment about anyway?"_

__

_"Hrmph, was told you got eyes and ears on you," Josie whispered over to her._

  


_Lena's eyes widened, but she just silently nodded._

  


_"So," the woman said a little louder, as if trying to throw off any prying ears. "Since you kept missing out on schoolwork, I just picked yours up so that you wouldn't have to worry."_

  


_Josie handed Lena binder with some old physics notes in it and slipped Lena something that was wrapped in one of Sam's bandanas. Lena noticed it right away and smiled. During her volleyball matches, Sam always wore this particular one. It was plaid with a unique criss-cross pattern of light blue, olive green and garnet colored lines. Lena unwrapped it and found a phone. Confused, she looked up at Josie who only shook her head and gestured for her to open it. It wasn't fancy or anything, it was just a plain gray flip phone. When she turned it on, there was a single message._

  


_[7:23 pm] SA: "If you're reading this, then thank fucking god. This is yours Lee. Use it when you're absolutely sure you can without getting caught. I still don't believe how crazy it sounds when you tell me you're being watched this hard, but...you fucking Luthors are insane. I say that with all my love."_

  


_Lena nearly broke out in tears. "Fucking Sam," she thought as she smiled._

_Josie smirked at Lena's reaction and hugged her._

  


_"Go. Enjoy making up for lost time. Work hard Lee," she said with her louder than normal voice, to throw off the imaginary spies. Josie nearly laughed at herself for the ridiculousness of it all._

_"Thanks Jos," Lena responded with a shaky smile and misty eyes, before she thanked her ex with a quick peck on the cheek._

_Josie smiled, but there was a bit of sadness to her look._

  


_"Pains me to say it, but I'll probably always be your lackey, Lee."_

  


_Lena then squeezed her and Josie held her tight in return. Though they did end their relationship amicably and were on the same page about the reasons behind it, that didn't mean that they didn't still have a soft spot for one another._

_Later that evening, or morning rather, Lena had returned to her room and texted Sam back on the new burner phone she'd received._

  


_[2:17 am] Me: "Thank you so very much. I love you."_

  


_Lena stared at the device in her hands. Even though there was no immediate response, she couldn't help but smile. She felt giddy as if she was literally holding her life line in her hands. She finally had a way to talk to Sam again. It felt special, as if it was a secret that only they shared._

  


_[2:20 am] SA: "Go to sleep Luthor. It's way past your bedtime. I love you too :)"_

  


_Lena chuckled. She had her best friend again. Fucking Sam._


	21. Stepping Away From Sam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huzzah! 
> 
> I was able to plow through, ignore the edits I needed to make for some of the earlier chapters (for now), and get my story back on track. I was even able to get several chapters queued up for the next few days, as I continue working on the Alex portion of this work. I wanna say that maybe we're 2/3rds in? Maybe? I can't even believe this story is going as far as it has. I never imagined...
> 
> Anyway, it's been a long night and I feel good at where I'm at now. :D
> 
> Thank you again for everyone that's still reading, and putting up with my ramblings. Enjoy!
> 
>  
> 
> (P.S. Lastly, for those of you that's reading, you may know the time that I usually post these new chapters. For the subscribers, if you notice changes outside that time, it's probably me taking a stab at some of those edits. Ignore me 😋)
> 
>   
> 

**Past - Lena - 21 Years Old (1 month after the receiving the phone)**

  
Emotions Part XV— Friendships — It drops again; sharply

  


As time passed, Lena and Sam started to interact a little more than before. The burner phone helped them to stay in touch, but only barely. Lena insisted that they kept the communication limited to texting only, just in case. Sam was reluctant, but eventually agreed. The ability to remain in contact behind closed doors helped to alleviate the pain of missing her best friend, but it wasn't enough. Lena still missed the closeness they shared. Although they still considered themselves good friends, the physical distance made Lena feel like it their relationship had dropped several notches. She hated it.

Over time, she couldn't help but continue to feel angry at her mother for putting her through all this. She despised being told who she could be with and what to do, but there was nothing she could do about it. If perhaps, Lillian Luthor was just another overbearing mother, then maybe things would've been different. But no, she wasn't just an ordinary mother. She was a step-mother, with power, who was a Luthor, and who seemed to have some sick mission to make Lena constantly suffer.

After having so many months of keeping distant from Sam, Lena finally had enough. She decided that after several months of this charade, it didn't need to go on any further. Lena tested the waters by calling Sam on the phone, then waited a few days to see if anything happened. When nothing did, she took the next step and occasionally approached Sam when she saw her on campus, then they'd speak casually for a bit. After that, Lena would wait again. Nothing happened then too. She started to think that maybe their act had finally convinced Lillian that Lena had taken her threat seriously enough. However, she still feared jeopardizing Sam in any way, so she still kept some boundaries. At least for now, they were acting like friends again. It wasn't as close as before, but it was a huge change. Lena was thrilled by the opportunity, but still craved attention she'd once gotten from Sam. Most notably, was the lack of affectionate gestures. There used to be friendly hugs, supportive embraces, casual hand holding, fingers that tucked loose strands of hair behind her ear, or ones that occasionally brushed across her cheeks to wipe her tears away. But now, all that was gone. It was part of the boundary that Lena said they couldn't cross. And because _she_ was the one who was still enforcing Lillian's demands, she could only blame herself for the lack of that closeness.

In time, the guilt of it all and the fact that she has been so needy of Sam, caused havoc in the way she felt around her. Lena's emotions turned on her, and rather than focusing on the optimism of slowly getting Sam integrated back into her life, she just saw it as endless torture of not having everything return to the way it used to be. Her whole take on the situation had been further exacerbated when she learned that Sam had a new boyfriend, Darren.

The relationship between the new couple was still relatively new then. They had only officially started dating a week ago, but Lena already hated the guy. She'd been introduced to her when he was still "just friends" with Sam, and he'd immediately left a bitter impression on Lena. Darren was nice and pretty good looking, with nothing bad that really stood out, so she couldn't quite pinpoint the exact reason for it all. All she knew for sure, was that something bothered her about him. However, Lena held her tongue when she saw how Sam's eyes lit up whenever she spoke of him. Lena didn't realize it then, but jealousy had started to take over her. Its presence though, was only made evident to her when she realized how annoyed she had gotten about Sam's time being manipulated by this man more and more, which once again kept Lena from mending their friendship.

Perhaps, the fact that so much time had already been stolen from her relationship with Sam, was what irked Lena about Darren. She thought that she was finally past that hurdle, until he came along and threw that obstacle back into her path. Her tolerance of the young man was eventually zeroed out, when Lena learned that Sam was pregnant.

  


_"Oh my god, Sam. Really?" Lena asked in disbelief._

_"Uh..yea. Apparently," Sam answered, her tone rather shocked as she waved the pregnancy test stick about._

_"So...what are you going to do?"_

_"Love it?" she shrugged. "I mean...I figured I'd become a mom one day. I guess...I just didn't expect it to happen so soon."_

_"That's what you get for not wearing protection, darling," Lena sassed, which earned her a pillow to the face._

_Sam chuckled, but sighed. "Yea, I mean...You're not wrong."_

_"Is Darren okay with this?"_

_"I haven't said anything yet..."_

_"Fuck, Sam..."_

_Sam laughed. "No. No. THAT, was what got me into this mess to begin with," she teased, and they both laughed whole-heartedly._

_"In all seriousness though," Sam continued. "I hope he'll be okay with it. I mean...he's a good guy, Lena."_

_"I'm sure he is..."_

  


Although she kept up with her facade and enjoyed her time with her Sam that evening, Lena felt the heaviness of that conversation. At one time, Lena expected Sam to have just as bright and successful of a future as she would have imagined for herself, and that they'd continue to have coffee dates or late night drinks, as they spoke about their day. Now, with a child on the way, she couldn't fathom how Sam would be able to do it all. It wasn't that she doubted Sam's ambitions or her will to make it happen if she wanted to. She just assumed that with a family, it would consume much more of Sam's time than anything else ever could.

The thought of that idea made Lena start to believe that there was no way that the relationship they had shared many months ago would ever return. First, there was still the open threat that Lillian had spoken of, which Lena still lingering in the back of her mind, especially now that she and Sam have been interacting more. Second, with her best friend pregnant, Lena felt that the idea of bringing a child into the world with a possible target on its back was too cruel and unacceptable. Thirdly, Sam now had to focus on her family; an unborn child, and a man who would surely be her husband.

Lena did hold a grudge against Darren for starting all this, but she couldn't really blame him for it either. Sam was a single, beautiful woman who was strong and brilliant and had such a loving heart. Who wouldn't have wanted her?

Lena ultimately thought it'd be best if she left the situation as fate had seemed to want to take it. It was bad enough that there were external pressures on her friend, that Lena didn't feel it'd be fair for her own selfishness, jealousy and dependency on the woman to further burden the Sam's life. It was a pill that was difficult to swallow, but in the end, Lena just didn't have the reason to fight it any longer. She felt that it'd be best if Sam was left to focus on the better parts of her life, without the introduction of the difficulties and troubles that a Luthor could bring.

Lena couldn't have understood then, that what she had felt for Sam was a tad more than a simple case of jealousy. It wasn't just about Sam as a friend or a potential love interest. And though she did enjoy sleeping with Sam, it really wasn't that Lena primarily wanted Sam sexually either. It was honestly that Lena had just grown so attached to Sam and she was her everything. The emotional and physical support she'd gotten from the her friend on a constant basis was unlike any other single relationship she'd ever had; from anyone. They've known each other for nearly four years now and have practically been together since day one. Sure, Lena had more friends these days (though in all honesty, they were Sam's friends who just happened to accept Lena into their circle), but no one else came close. Lena hadn't even found any other suitable person to date since Jack, so the loneliness factor definitely came into play. Her dependence on Sam was unhealthy and she was growing tired of dealing with it. She knew that _she_ was better than this. She just needed to take the first step and distance herself, to deal with her emotions. She lived her life without Sam before and she believed that she could do it again.

The way Lena had gone about it however, wasn't pretty. At first, she would skip out on answering Sam's text messages. Then, she'd feign ignorance at missing her calls. At times, she'd even pretend not be to home when Sam would come pounding on her door. She knew she was being a shitty friend, but she didn't know how else to deal with the situation. At least, she thought, graduation was only a few months away, then after that, she'd be able to liberate herself from Sam so much easier.


	22. Caught in Between

**Present Day (Same Day)**

  


After a moment, she sat up away from Sam, and instinctively reached for the bottle of vodka and poured another shot for them both. Right before she was about to throw hers back, Sam quickly reached out and placed her palm over Lena's glass.

  


"Hey, take it easy Lena," she comforted.

  


Lena looked into Sam's eyes and saw the concerned look on her face. She nodded, then lowered the glass back onto the table, easing Sam's mind.

  


"And here you were thinking we weren't going to need the bottle," Sam teased, as she pulled Lena into a hug, then added a smug, "I told you so."

"Everything is fine between us now, okay? Stop dwelling on it. I know you still are. I love you and you're not getting rid of me anytime soon. I won't let you," she joked.

  


Lena smiled into the woman's shoulder as she squeezed her tighter.

  


"So," Sam started up again after about a minute. "Before we continue to drink ourselves into oblivion and regret the fact that we both have to be back here come morning, how about you tell me what you wanted to talk about, hm?"

  


Lena nodded, but was rudely interrupted by a slew of notification blips that were coming from her phone.

  


"Of course. The timing of interruptions with you when important things were about to be said, are always so impeccable," Sam complained as she rolled her eyes and leaned back into the couch. "I really should start expecting it," she joked.

"Don't I know it," Lena retorted, as she felt like she's had bad luck written her stars from the day she was born.

  


Lena opened up her text messages and saw they were coming from both the Danvers sisters.

and put it out

  


_[8:47 pm] Agent Danvers: "Lee, you watching the news?"_  
_[8:47 pm] Agent Danvers: "I can't believe it...I wish I knew what they were up to."_  
_[8:48 pm] Agent Danvers: "I've gotta keep working late now that this happened. Are you okay?"_

  


Disturbed, Lena turned on the large TV in her office and switched to the news. There was a newscaster providing a summary of the breaking event.

  


_"Phramaceutical giant, Bryerston, just had one of their facilities attacked by an alien, sources call Metallo. Witnesses say he entered the building with a group of men and started attacking. Many were hurt, but luckily there were no accounts of death so far. The building had been engulfed in flames until Supergirl arrived and put it out. Much of the building had been destroyed. There are no leads as of this time as to where Metallo is now or what his motives were. Rumor has it that Lillian Luthor, whom Metallo had helped escape several days ago from prison, is now at the head of the operation. Authorities still have no leads to her whereabouts either..."_

  


"Jesus Lena...," Sam said in disbelief, as she watched the video clips play over and over, detailing the damage on plant and the chaos that ensued.

  


The taller woman walked up to her and placed her hand on Lena's shoulder, then gave a quick squeeze for comfort. The gesture sprung the CEO from her daze and she placed her hand on top of Sam's. She then brushed it lightly, before giving the woman a nod that she was alright. Lena then turned back to her phone.

  


_[9:08 pm] Me: "I'm fine Alex. Thank you. Any leads?"_  
_[9:09 pm] Agent Danvers: "No, not yet. At the scene now."_  
_[9:09 pm] Me: "Okay. Please let me know if anything comes up. Be careful."_  
_[9:10 pm] Agent Danvers: "You know I will ;) "_

  


Lena smiled a little. Her heart fluttered at anything that had to do with Alex. Even the simple things like texting about work. The brunette then toggled her screen to jump to the next set of messages to answer. This time, it was Kara's.

  


_[8:45 pm] Kara: "Lena, are you okay? Is everything okay?"_  
_[8:45 pm] Kara: "I heard about the thing with Metallo and...I just want to make sure that nothing happened to you. I still worry that they may still be after you somehow..."_  
_[8:46 pm] Kara: "If you need someone to talk to or to just stay by your side, I'm here. Okay?"_

  


Lena's smile grew wide at the thought of Kara's concern. Her other best friend was so good to her, just like Sam was. She felt so lucky to have them both in her life.

  


_[9:12 pm] Me: "I'm fine Kara. Thank you so much for your concern. Everything is fine here."_  
_[9:12 pm] Me: "I'm with Sam. If I need anything though, I will definitely reach out."_  
_[9:13 pm] Kara: "Glad to hear you have her with you. I know how anything relating to your mother could easily upset you."_  
_[9:13 pm] Me: "It's true and I feel blessed to have you both in my life."_  
_[9:14 pm] Kara: "That's what best friends are for, right?"_  
_[9:14 pm] Me: "Thank you..."_  
_[9:15 pm] Kara: " ☺ "_

  


Lena's eyes looked up on the image of Lillian on the TV screen and her eyes narrowed at it. Her mother was still an ever present threat on her well-being as it ever was, despite being an adult with her own life, her own company and her own friends.

 _Her own friends._ Lena's thoughts hovered on that notion for a while. Her friends were more like family these days, filling a hole in her life that she's pretty much had since the day her birth mother had passed. The fact that there was a point where Lillian had threatened each and every one of their lives, deliberate or otherwise, was so infuriating to Lena.

The news report then continued to show a few photos of Lex and his reign of terror, from way back when. They were highlighting similarities between the destruction and chaos caused by both Luthors. They then went on to advertise a special later on in the week, regarding a documentary about the Luthor mentality. Lena bristled at the thought. Sam saw Lena's reaction and immediately turned it off.

  


"It'll be okay, Lena. Alex, Kara and I will be here for you. Whatever happens, you won't be alone."

  


Lena then crumbled under those words and folded herself into Sam's arms. Friends. Family. These three were one and the same. And though she felt lucky to have them, she worried for their safety. She worried about losing them. She's lost family before and knew how much of a wreck that left her. 

It wasn't unfathomable for Lena to think that Lillian wouldn't hurt her friends just out of spite. The Luthors were ruthless individuals that brought nothing but pain and suffering to all those that stood in their way. And unfortunately, Lena had been caught in the fringes of that too; with being on the opposing side or being viewed as one of them.

What would it take for Lillian to enact on some hostile plan that would simultaneously attack the alien inhabitants of the planet, while taking down her friends at the same time? What more if they were friends who just happened to conveniently be part of the opposition. Not much. But, this wasn't the only worry her mother brought down upon her. If there was even any slim chance of Lillian succeeding in this plan, what's to stop those of pro-alien sentiment followers from attacking Lena in the same way her life had been threatened by people who lost loved ones to Lex's madness? Not much either. The fact of the matter is that, as long as Lillian is still out in the world, Lena's life will never be free from her.

All of these thoughts started to manifest feelings in Lena that she'd managed to keep at bay. However, the containment of it started to falter with Lena's already weakened mind of depressive thoughts. In that moment, all she had then was Sam to anchor her. The woman's physical strength and warmth helped to make Lena feel protected from her spiralling mentality. Once more, she relied on Sam. Lena broke down further at the sudden reminder of when she had thought she'd nearly lost her. She couldn't imagine where she'd be today without Sam by her side.


	23. Losing the Last of Family

**Past - Lena - 21 Years Old (A few weeks later)**

  


Emotions Part XVI— Family — The drop continues

  


Several weeks after deciding to distance herself from Sam on her own accord, was when Lex had stepped up to take over LuthorCorp. Though she was away at college, she kept tabs on him with late night phone calls and by monitoring the news. She understood the pressures that he was dealing with, and even though he'd been primed for that role since birth, it was still another thing to live up to the responsibility. Their relationship had suffered too, as time went on. Lex was becoming more and more distant as he became preoccupied with work and his mentality shifted towards eager goals. In the midst of this, Lex's personality became more brash, more unforgiving and less compassionate. Sometimes, his conversations with Lena would even end with an argument or two. Their closeness was slipping.

  


_"I don't understand why you're losing sleep over that new device. How is finding aliens going to help the world?"_

_"Aliens exist, Lena. They live among us but they...they're more powerful than we are. I have yet to learn of a race where we are the stronger force." His voice almost trembled with a sense of fear._

_"Lex," she started, noticing the shakiness in his tone. "What's really wrong? I'm sensing that there's something else that's motivating you."_

_"That is what's motivating me Lena. I've...I've seen things. More than what the news ever reports on. People need to be able to protect themselves Lena. We, as Luthors, have that responsibility."_

_"Why, though? We're not contracted by the military. We're not even in the business of weaponry. We're in it for the advancement of science and betterment of the community, not..."_

_"That's precisely why, my dear sister," he interrupted. "The advancement of science and betterment of community. We cannot allow ourselves to stand by and let....beings from outer space to demolish our people," he spat._

_"You're making this sound like we're at war. There's barely any indication of that..."_

_"LENA! You are missing the bigger picture! You're not seeing past your nose! It's like chess. It's all a game! You see the small advances. They're all but mere distractions, testing your strength, and if you don't focus on the bigger goal...see the reality of what everything they're doing is leading up to, then you will fail to protect your king when the time comes!"_

_"Lex...," she sighed with worry. "You need rest. This...this is a delusion. This...this imaginary war you believe will happen... All these incidences are mere one-off occurrences. No one is even indicating in the least that..._

_"You disappoint me, Lena."_

  


_Those words struck Lena deeply. She's never heard Lex say them before and his tone indicated that it was even more than just sheer disappointment._

  


_"Lex, I...I'm not..."_

  


_Before she could say anything else, she heard the phone click, ending the conversation. She put down the phone and worried for her brother. He had never been so passionate about something like this before. There was anger in his voice and the ideas he rambled on about, were dangerous. She knew that the thoughts of war and weapons came from something bigger. Lex wasn't telling Lena the full story and just hoped his sister would see his side without much convincing. But, when Lena failed to understand his views, Lex's disappointment was prevalent. His words, though said calmly, cut through Lena and made her feel extremely guilty for letting down the only other family member who really cared for her._

_For weeks after that, Lex never spoke to her again. Her messages were ignored. And for the fifth time in her life, after her mother, Lionel, Jack, and Sam, Lena felt like she'd lost someone important._

  


And that's where Lena was today, worrying about losing anyone she ever cared for. Though, in all honestly, that's all she ever worried about. Having anyone care for Lena so much, had always felt too good to be true. This mentality was all result of her upbringing. All she ever wanted was to be loved, yet she was always thwarted and told that she wasn't worth it. As Lena grew older, she tried to control her emotions around that need, but she always latched onto anyone that gave her that attention. However, it felt like fate kept playing a mean joke, since anyone she'd ever loved in return was always plucked away from her, leaving her hurt and believing once more, that she wasn't ever deserving of it to begin with.


	24. She Stands Alone

**Past - Lena - 22 Years Old**

  


Emotions Part XVII— Family and Friendship — Still falling faster; the strong downward momentum continues....

  


As if Lena wasn't already dealing with troubling emotions that she wasn't used to coping with, life only got worse. The day Lex lost his mind and went on a rampage had come to pass. She'd met with Lex days prior to and felt uneasy about his sudden aggression towards Superman and the need to protect Earth. Then, she witnessed his power as it brought terror upon the city.

It was terrifying. All of it. In Lex's last ditch effort to convince Lena of his views and methods, he forced her to watch as he laid waste to the city. The red sun that he had somehow conjured, caused panic in the streets; aliens and humans, all fell victim. There was fear and chaos in the streets, people were dying, and Superman was nowhere to be seen. The news captured nothing but the horrible images of what was happening down below. There were screams, crying, blaring sirens and the sounds of helicopters hovering the city. Lena couldn't believe that her brother had gone so far over the edge. Sure, she's heard of him doing destructive, violent and horrible things in the past, like triggering a series of earthquakes in California, but somehow, being there in person to witness his rage, was something else. This wasn't the Lex that Lena grew up with. This man was nothing but pure anger and vengeance, caring nothing about the innocent bystanders of his attacks.

And after all that, she dealt with the aftermath: Lillian, the reporters, her tarnished surname, the anger of the people who were victims of the attack, and the authorities investigating any potential leads to indict Lena of having been part of Lex's plans. The headaches lasted for days and weeks before Lena could find time to breathe. It was too much. It was like a nightmare that wouldn't cease. Around every corner was another attack on her, despite not really being involved, other than being held as captive audience to the chaos, while Lex drove angered words and philosophical ramblings into her ears. In many ways, Lena wished Sam was there with her at this moment. And to Sam's credit, she tried. She tried to reach out to Lena when the news broke. But she was met by Lena's voicemail or denied the opportunity to speak to her, when she called the Luthor household. In the end, all Sam could do was send Lena text messages, hoping that she'd hear back from her friend.

  


_[3:23 pm] Sammy: "Oh my god, Lena! I just heard on the news what happened. Call me back. Let me know you're okay."_  
_[4:06 pm] Sammy: "Lena. Stop ignoring me. Babe, please. This has been going on for too long. Let me know how you're doing. Call me, please."_  
_[9:15 pm] Sammy: "Okay, I saw you on the news. At least you look...alright. You need to stop ignoring me one day. I know you. I know you can use a friend right now. Maybe even a few shots of vodka ☺ Call me, okay?"_

  


Lena saw all those messages and tears formed in her eyes. She didn't know why she kept doing this to herself. Sam was right there, practically at arm's reach, and yet...she couldn't do it. She couldn't let herself depend on Sam any more. She wanted to be a huge part of her best friend's life, but, she couldn't see how that could happen. Everything that led to Lena to alienating Sam to begin with, was still there, and now, after the whole ordeal with Lex, there was even more to worry about. At best, if she reached out to Sam, Lena felt that there would be so much between them that it wouldn't feel the same, not like it once was. Lena knew that thinking this way was stupid and childish, yet it's what she felt. She'd lost too much already. She couldn't just have a little bit of Sam there. She needed her fully. If not that, then it was better to have none at all.

In light of that, she refused to call Sam back. As much as she needed her best friend, she wasn't really ready to come to terms with how she felt about her, and didn't want to add any more stress into the picture than she was already being put through. Lena also told herself, that despite her selfish reasoning, she also knew that Sam had her own worries to think about, like her family. She couldn't drag them into a mess like this.

It was the lowest point Lena had ever been. She had no one to turn to. No Lex. No Sam. No Lionel. No friends. All there was left was her mother. Now, with no one else in the family, Lena had become the woman's sole focus. There were lots of arguments, lots of disputes and lots of anger. But, at the end of the day, Lillian was still her mother and still the head of the household. To some degree, Lena still had to obey her.

In the days following, there were meetings with lawyers and board members, as Lena was prepped to be the next CEO of LuthorCorp. There was some time where she'd been given reprieve from those duties. They conceded to the idea of letting Lena complete her studies before taking on the full-time position. And, with that hovering over her head, she made sure to be as dedicated to her studies as possible. She no longer roomed at the college since that became a hindrance. Instead, she stayed at home, completed her studies, made use of tutors to help advance her through her courses, and at the same time, she kept involved in the workings of LuthorCorp's business. 

Despite everything, Sam continued to reach out Lena. Lena was stubborn and Sam knew that. Sam was relentless as well and Lena knew that too. So, for a while, it was a continuous messaging game that Lena never participated in.

  


_[7:44 am] Sammy: "Lena, I heard about your position to take over LuthorCorp. That's so amazing. Congrats. You deserve it. I'm sure you can do wonderful things there."_

  


Lena saw the message and sighed. Sam wasn't making things easy.

Eventually, she finished earlier than her intended graduation date. Due to her unique circumstance, her college professors and the governing body allowed Ms. Luthor to complete ahead of schedule, earning her degree before her peers. And no, she did not walk on graduation day.

  


_[4:23 pm] Sammy: "Okay, Ms. Overachiever. I heard about you getting your degree before graduation day. Nice one. Now that you have the paper to prove it, go flaunt it at that stupid stepmom of yours and those uptight suits at the company. Show'em who's boss!_

  


Lena read that message as well. She wanted to smack herself. She missed Sam so much and her colorful attitude. But no, she still wasn't ready. She'll make up with Sam one day. Just...not today.

Despite her personal problems, she'd been doing everything that was required of her. She lived up to the standards her family had set. She started to finally own up to her responsibilities as the heir of the Luthor name. Her mother was still a driving force behind a lot of things, but after graduating, she promptly set out to live in her own place, finding a home in National City, and living her days at the company.

  


_[8:01 pm] Sammy: "It's been so long, Lena. I miss you. Whatever is going on, I hope you're taking care of yourself. I love you."_

  


She didn't know it then, but those were the last words that Lena would see from Sam. There wouldn't be any more, not for a long, long time. And though, there were many texts like it before, this one hit home. It stirred a lot of emotions in the young Luthor. She felt like Sam had finally given up on her, and she couldn't blame her for it. She thought, perhaps this was for the best. That they could finally move on and focus on their own lives.

She kept telling herself that as she drank alone. Tears and shots of vodka to commemorate the moment.


	25. The First Real Threat

**Past - Lena - 22 Years Old (A month later)**

  


Emotions Part XVIII— Family and The World — The drop continues...will it ever stop?

  


Feeling the freedom from Lillian's hold, Lena met her challenges head on and hoped to start fresh. There were difficulties of course. The aftermath of Lex's outrage left ripples in society's waters. With him imprisoned, the brunt of the anger from the communities fell to Lena. Lena had to carry the burden of being associated to that horrible incident; her name, being the weight of it all. There were numerous threats against her life. Some were false, while others proved to be so very real.

The first incident happened one night on her way home from the office. She was barely a week into living in National City, when an ill-timed bomb went off on her car. Luckily, she was still a good distance away from it to have been hurt badly. She did however, feel the jolt of the explosion which knocked her down to the ground. From her position, she felt the heat of the flames. Lena suffered from first-degree burns and smoke inhalation, since she was too weak at the time to crawl away from the burning mass that was once her car. Everything went so fast, and the realization of it all finally hit while she laid in the hospital bed; her room now guarded with NCPD officers. And after all that was said and done, there wasn't a single voice of concern from her mother. The only thing she saw was a text message from the woman.

  


_[11:03pm] Lillian: "I heard what happened. You should be wary of your enemies. You need better security."_

  


Lena didn't even bother to respond to that. She just scoffed and let a single tear escape. That woman wasn't capable of loving.

  


Being that this was the first incident where her life was threatened and actually acted upon, it had left quite an impression on Lena. For the first time ever, she feared for her life and wondered what else lay waiting in her future. Lena had nightmares for days. She fell apart when she was alone, losing herself to the temptation and mind-numbing effects of alcohol. But, she remembered that she was now the CEO of a major company. Lena knew that if she handled this right, _this_ could be her legacy. _This_ could clear her name and turn the Luthor name into a positive force. In order to do that, she employed one of Lex's earlier lessons: Never show your emotions. And, after a finger or two of whiskey, she did just that. 

For years within the Luthor household, Lena had already built up these walls, boxes and defensive mechanisms that led to her having a strong and unrelenting persona. She had the aura of a non-fearing, no-bullshit type of person, and it was that trick that helped Lena to drive LuthorCorp. People learned to fear her commanding and demanding attitude. It was the perfect image she needed to have, in order not to show weakness to anyone that was looking to take her down.

The attack on her life was a learning experience. Lena had upped her security detail, added better ways of monitoring for suspicious activity, and generally started working on ways to protect her well-being, wherever she was going to be. However, this would all take time to put into place, and until then, Lena hoped that another threat wouldn't come to the surface until she was ready.

The reality of what Lex had done, marked yet another turning point in Lena's life. It was one where she finally felt the meaning behind being a Luthor. Now, _she_ was in the spotlight. Now, _she_ had to run the family business, and was in charge of the direction that it will follow; the decisions she would have to make, would blur the lines between her moral values and what needed to be done. Now, _she_ had to navigate the stuffiness of the air of every room she walked into that had the presence of any one other being; the preconceived notions of the Luthor reputation once only consisted of people who were intelligent, demanding, strong willed, determined, manipulative, ruthless, and fear provoking. These days, it now included strong anti-alien sentiment and a tendency towards violence. Because of that, she now had to be even more aware of how she presented herself. She needed be strong and wear a certain face; be wary of showing her emotions. And, now, more than ever, Lena realized the dangers of target she had on her back, just because she was a Luthor. In the end, this translated into a heightened sense of insecurity and a strong hesitation to blindly trust anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was a bit delirious when I wrote/edited this, so, hopefully it's not too messy of a thought. (Will probably revisit this later to edit again.)


	26. The Will to Survive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning: A Bit of Violence -- Lena gets attacked by an intruder held captive by knife-point.**   
>    
> 

**Past - Lena - 22 Years Old (A week later)**

  


Emotions Part XIX— The World — Forceful downward ride drops still, like into an abyss....guess it won't stop.

  


Breaking down the timeline of significant moments in Lena's life at this point seemed to gravitate towards more distasteful events. It was no wonder that her views upon herself leaned more towards negative thoughts than positive ones. With very little who acted like a lighthouse to help her navigate the treacherous sea, optimistic thinking was a rarity. More often than not, the only thing that drove her forward was the will to survive and to leave behind a legacy that justified her existence; branding herself as a good Luthor.

Unfortunately, as we know, luck was never on Lena's side. So as we travel back to yet another poignant memory, we find that the next event covered another traumatic experience: a second attempt on her life, made merely week after the first. 

  


_She was on her way home once more and was headed to her car. Since the previous incident though, Lena had hired a chauffeur to drive her around. The drivers of course, had been vetted. Once she arrived at her destination, she made her way up to her condo, carrying an eerie feeling like she was being watched. She kept eye on her surroundings the whole time, but didn't see anyone or anything out of place. When she had gotten to inside though, that's when things changed. Before she was able to settle in, she was forcefully grabbed from behind and threatened by man who held a knife to her throat. She felt his strong body around her, and despite her struggling, she knew she was no match for his strength. She shook, frightened of her impending doom, as the man spat hatred at her, blaming her family for how many people he'd lost when Lex brought hell on Earth. The man had lost everything and everyone he loved, and he swore that Lena would pay for that._

_Lena's heart raced. Her breath, ragged. Her mind was running in circles, unable to focus on a way to survive this. She was riddled with fear. The man's harsh words tore through her as he breathed hot and angered words into her ear. A few times, the man had gotten so caught up in his own rage of emotions, that the knife accidentally scraped along Lena's neck a few times, leaving shallow marks in their wake. She cried as she felt the stinging sensation and dripping of blood._

  


_"This is it...," she thought to herself nervously; words that only handicapped her more. "This man will kill me and there's no one who can help..."_

  


_The panic set in. She tried to scream for help, but the man immediately cupped her mouth, muffling her sounds. His harsh grip over her face was rough, hurting her as he squeezed her jaw tight._

  


_"No one will hear you, Ms. Luthor. And you know what? No one will even care," the man whispered gruffly into her ear._

  


_Tears continued to stream down her face as she tried to claw out of the man's grasp. She bore her nails into him, but his jacket sleeves prevented any damage. Then, in a moment of clarity, her hands dropped to her jacket pocket and grabbed onto a weapon; her last attempt at saving her life. Pepper spray. She flipped the switch to activate it without looking, a practiced set of movements she'd familiarized herself with, then aimed it at the man's face as she closed her eyes and held her breath. The man stuttered backwards and loosened his hold on the woman while he choked and shouted out in pain. Lena immediately kicked the knife away and dialled 911. The man knelt on the floor, struggling to get up and regain control of himself. He was now fueled by even more anger than before. In a moment of desperation and fear, she sprayed him again, which dropped him to the ground, being further weakened by it. In what felt like forever, the authorities finally showed up and apprehended the man. Police officers assessed the scene, while they took Lena back to the station to get her account of the evening._

_Hours later, Lena was escorted back to her condo, but she promptly messaged her driver and booked a hotel for the evening. It'd be weeks before she would ever have the courage to step foot into her home again._

  


This event was crippling, no doubt, as it was far worse than the previous incident. But, Lena stayed strong. Luckily her mind had focused on anger rather than fear. She was infuriated by everyone and everything that kept trying to tear her down. She was sick of it. She wanted revenge, some form of release to unleash these feelings. But when she realized that desire, she quickly stomped it out and focused on containing it. Lena somehow still found the sense within her to be better than that. She was determined not to be another Luthor. She wanted to be a different type of person, and to do so meant that she had to rise above it all, regardless of her own wants and feelings. 

In the next few days, she choked down that negative urge and instead focused on expediting the implementation of security measures that she had drawn up. As she executed each step of that plan, Lena felt more and more confident that the attacks would lessen. Prevention was key. Moving forward was important. The primal instinct to survive had always been strong.

That mentality continued to serve Lena as time went on. She continued to be a survivor, though she carried the scars and became a little more weakened with every battle she faced. After a while though, events like these started to chip away at her mind, carrying a weight of their own that would one day bring about its own turn of events to cripple its host.


	27. A True Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I posted this chapter later than I normally did, but I was just too tired.
> 
> This actually brings me to the update I wanted to share: **[here](https://dreamsescapeus.tumblr.com/post/184839200613/slowing-down)**. 
> 
> The shortened version is that I will be updating every other day instead of nightly, in order for me to write something cohesive while still keeping my sanity intact (more or less intact).
> 
> I appreciate your patience and your continued audience. 
> 
> Thanks and enjoy!
> 
>   
> 

**Past - Lena - 22 Years Old (Two weeks after the second attack)**

  


Emotions Part XX— Friendships — Mercy exists. The ride finally starts to climb up

  


Though Lena managed to secure everything that surrounded her to safeguard her well-being, she continued to live in that hotel room for as long as she could. The incident at her condo was still too fresh in her mind. The thought hadn't even crossed her mind that she could just simply move some place else; some place with better security already in place that she could eventually enhance to meet her needs, until much later. Until that happened though, for now, she'd taken the extra precaution to hire more security personnel. As part of her plans, she even gathered up a team that would intercept any disturbing letters or messages aimed at her or her company, to determine their threat level. And although Lena tried to move on, acting as if nothing happened or could stop her, in reality, her nerves were still a wreck. When it got too bad, she'd find comfort at the bottom of a bottle. That was her life for two weeks after the latest attack. And, after another day of stressful meetings and round of hateful messages that were still somehow making it to her personal email address, was when she was about to indulge herself in another night of drinking. It was then, that she was interrupted by a call from the hotel concierge that Lena had a visitor requesting for her. 

  


_"Ms. Luthor?"_

_"Yes?" she said into the phone as sober as she could, hunched over the bed._

_"You have a visitor to see you. A Ms.."_

_"I do not wish to see anyone, Mr. Park. Dismiss them. Immediately," she said curtly._

_"Understood, ma'am."_

  


_Lena was about to hang up when she heard him start to explain the situation to the guest, until she heard a woman shouting over the phone._

  


_"Lena? Lena? If you're hearing me. Let me up! I'm not leaving otherwise! Don't make me use force."_

  


_Lena sobered up immediately at the sound of the woman's voice._

  


_"Sam?"_

_"You damn right it is. Let me up."_

  


_Lena eventually spoke to the man and gave him permission to have her escorted up. Shortly thereafter, there was a knock on her door. When she opened it, she chuckled, seeing Sam's unforgiving look at having to be escorted by two large, burly men. Lena thanked and dismissed them before she let Sam enter._

  


_"Sammy...," she said, choking back her tears. "You're...you're actually here..."_

  


_The sheer amount of vulnerability in Lena's voice and the look on her face tore through Sam, and her friend immediately embraced the the CEO into her arms._

  


_"Of course, you idiot. No matter how much you push me away. I'll always be there for you. I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner."_

_"But how...?"_

_"No one can stop Sam Arias from getting what she wants," she teased. "Or had you forgotten?"_

  


_Lena smiled and buried her face into the woman's shoulder. She relished in the comfort that she had missed for so long. The familiar feeling of Sam's arms around her, the scent of the woman's perfume, and the sudden warmth that she felt, was everything she remembered it being. The tension in her body quickly melted away in the solace of her friend's presence._

  


The evening was spent in bouts of silence, where all they did was share a drink or two, vodka of course, while Sam held her close. After a while, they ordered food and Sam gave her a breakdown of what had happened since they'd last spoken. She explained how she and Darren had split up. Apparently the man quickly realized that he wasn't fit to be a father and just walked out on them. She complained how stubborn and insecure he was and was happy to be rid of him. Sam then apologized for the incident about Lex again and not being there during the aftermath. She explained how she'd been too preoccupied with Ruby's birth and having to deal with an infant, that she was so removed from the world to even learn about the attacks on Lena's life until long after the fact. She joked how motherhood was so much harder than she imagined. Sam went on further to explain how she's somewhat relieved at having a short break away from a crying infant, who she happily left with some close friends for a short time, while she tended to a different, family emergency. 

  


_"I...I don't know what to say...," Lena said, her voice shook._

_"Thank you? Or say you still love me?"_

  


Lena was a bit flustered at the phrasing, recalling how at one point she thought she was falling for Sam, but those feelings had been clouded by so many other emotions, that she'd never given it much thought until now, until she realized how much she missed Sam being so close, and how much her physical comfort meant to her. She wasn't sure how long she'd been silent, her face heated up at the idea, but the flush was luckily masked by the effects of the alcohol. Sam read how her unsuspected words seemed to have jostled her poor friend and just laughed. 

  


_"Relax, Lena," she chuckled. "I didn't mean it like that, dummy. Though, it's nice to see that you still think of me in that way," she teased with a wink, earning her a slap on the shoulder._

  


_Lena smiled and relaxed once more and Sam leaned into her shoulder._

  


_"Seriously, though. I wish you'd have called. Or talked to me even...Why'd you run away from me? Why'd you shut me out? Did I do something wrong?"_

  


_The hurt in Sam's voice made Lena tear up, as she recalled everything that'd happened. Eventually, Lena spilled the whole story._

  


_"You're an idiot," Sam finally said, as she shook her head and sipped on her drink._

  


_Lena just stayed quiet, slightly ashamed for her actions._

  


_"Okay, so the whole Lillian threat thing and fearing for the safety of myself, my unborn child, and my then boyfriend, I get. But what I don't buy, is your idiotic reasoning that with a family, I wouldn't have time for you anymore? Do you even realize what having a kid means? It means that I'm relying even more on my friends. I would've called your ass up every single night to keep me sane. I'd have forced you to sleep over to comfort me when Rubes would cry all night long and leave me sleep deprived. I'd call you to stay over when Darren couldn't be the one I needed...," she said with exasperation._

  


_Lena suddenly felt the pangs of guilt shoot through her._

  


_"Yea, I see your face. And, you're my friend, who's shutting herself up in this hotel because of all the bad things that's happened to you, and I feel for you, truly, that's why I'm here. But, I AM letting you sit with that guilt for being a dumbass," she said with a lecturing tone._

  


_After a moment, she shook her head and laughed._

  


_"The smartest person I know, and yet...dumbest all at the same time," she teased, as she bumped shoulders with her friend._

_"Now," Sam added, as she threw her arm over her friend's shoulder and pulled her close, which made Lena's head fall onto hers. "Admit it. You missed me. Maybe...you even still love me," she teased._

  


Lena chuckled and attempted to shove her friend. Lena couldn't even begin to explain how happy she was at this moment, to have Sam back in her life. There was a mutual understanding then, of what they meant to each other, even if it never surpassed anything beyond friendship. And honestly, they didn't care if it ever did. They had each other now, loving each other in a way that lent the closest of comfort, without it being labeled as anything other than the dearest of friends. Lena knew now what Sam truly meant to her, and she'd never let anything separate them again. 

  


_"Come onnnn," Sam said. "Say it."_

  


_Lena just laughed._

  


_"I love you, Sammy. I always have," she finally acknowledged with a grin._

_"Good. About damn time," she said with a smug tone._

  


_Lena just glared teasingly._

  


_"But, I love you too, you big idiot," Sam admitted, pulling her friend into a warm, tight hug._

_"And, Lena," she said, her tone a bit more serious now. "I wouldn't ever have forgiven myself if something had happened to you and I wasn't around. Don't ever scare me like that again. Promise me that you'll always keep me updated with anything. Especially anything that could potentially be life threatening. You know I'll do everything I can to help protect you."_

  


Sam's honesty and protective nature nearly sent Lena into tears again. She really was a dumbass for letting Sam go in the first place. 

  


_"I promise, Sammy. I'll never leave you out again."_

  


They spent the rest of the evening talking about everything else, with Lena falling more and more comfortable with Sam like she used to, and less and less tense about what had happened. When Sam felt like Lena was ready, they even spoke seriously of all the tragic and frightening events that transpired. Sam held Lena tight when she almost fell apart again, and helped to brighten Lena's spirits up by reasoning with her about everything, and giving her hope saying that things would get better, especially now that she was by her side. And though Lena had already amped up her security, Sam gave her ideas anyway, on how to better protect herself from these attacks. As the hours went by, they even touched on some of Lena's aspirations for what she could do with LuthorCorp. By the end of the night, Lena grew back her confidence about everything. And, by the time the weekend came, Lena was ready to take on the world once more. All thanks to Sam. 


	28. A Fresh Start

**Past - Lena - 23 Years Old**

  


Emotions Part XXI — Friendships and The World — The ride steadies then gives way to another healthy climb.

  


Suffice to say, that at this point, after about five years of Sam's friendship, the woman had become deeply rooted into Lena's life. Sam was always the positive force in her life, who pushed her when she needed pushing and was there to catch her every time she fell. It wouldn't be much of a surprise to know that she continued to be a driving force behind Lena's success.

The threats and assassination attempts never ceased, but much of it was thwarted by the ever persistent and diligent security team that Lena had in place. And with Sam's help, she was able to keep her head up. With each challenge she faced and the success that followed, her confidence continued to grow, her skin thickened, and her emotional walls were reinforced. Lena became a stronger force, never relenting to the threats that she was confronted with, and it only helped her reputation grow as one of the most powerful women in National City.

It was about a month after they had reunited, that Sam had reached out to Lena to hear out her rants, complaining about some financial issues she was having, and how it was stressing her out, especially with the baby. Lena offered to help pay for whatever it was Sam needed, but Sam refused. She was never a fan of charity. Instead, she said that she'd be moving some place else that would be more affordable, until she could get herself back on her feet. It was then that Lena had the idea of bringing her onboard.

  


_"Holy shit, Lena. Are you serious?"_

_"Serious as ever. Position is available if you want it."_

_"Wh...wow, I mean. I...I don't know what to say. You're literally saving my ass."_

_"Say you love me," she teased, the way she always did with Sam._

_Sam laughed on the other side of the phone. "I love you Lena. Seriously, you're the best."_

_"What are friends for?" Lena responded with glee at the realization of her friend working with her._

_"So...when do I start?"_

_"Well, Carol has formally stepped down and the position is technically open even though she has over two months left. I think it'd be good to get you started right away. Shadow her, before she leaves."_

_"That sounds great," she said, though there was some hesitation in her voice that Lena quickly picked up on._

_"Sammy? What's wrong?"_

_"I mean...CFO...that's huge, Lena. You really think I can do it?"_

_"Don't be ridiculous. Of course I think you can. I've seen your work ethic. I know what you studied and I'm aware of your grades. I know you have everything it takes to succeed here. I wouldn't be vouching for you if it weren't true."_

_"I really don't know what to say..."_

_"Sam, you've literally saved my ass a dozen of times and you were always there when I needed you, even when I was being difficult and pushed you away. Now it's my turn to help you. I trust you Sammy. I know you'll do great here."_

  


_Lena heard Sam crack over the phone. She heard her sniffle and could almost see her wipe at her eyes. It warmed Lena's heart to be able to give Sam something that means so much to her, but what seemed like the smallest of gestures for Lena._

  


_"Okay," Sam said as she inhaled deeply, "I'm in."_

  


A little over a month later, Sam had gotten settled in her new home in National City with Ruby, and was about two months into her new position at L-Corp. She'd been shadowing Carol and quickly got a hang of the important things she needed to know. It also helped how well-organized Carol was, so there were enough reports, files and notes that accounted for everything Sam would have ever needed.

One day, Sam and Lena were having a lunch in her office.

  


_"Carol tells me you're picking up quickly," Lena commented, after taking a sip of her water._

_"She's amazing. It's no wonder that your company was doing so well. I mean, that woman's got brains and a knack for these things. I felt honored to work by her side. It's a shame she's leaving."_

_"It is," Lena said. Her eyes lowered in a bit of disappointment, but she perked up just as quickly. "It's fine though, really. She has a life that she wants to pursue, and because of that, I get to work with my best friend," she finished, as she reached her hand out to touch Sam's._

_"True," Sam smiled as she chewed on a bite of her salad. "I still can't thank you enough."_

_"It's nothing Sam. It means just as much to me as it does for you, that I was able to help you."_

_Sam nodded and took a gulp of her water._

_"So....I've actually been thinking about something since I got here."_

_"Oh?"_

_"You need to rename the company."_

  


_Lena's eyes shot wide at the suggestion._

  


_"L-Corp," Sam said nonchalantly._

_"Excuse me?"_

_"That's your solution. Rename the company."_

  


_Lena stared intently at Sam, as she watched her friend continue to chew on her salad._

  


_"Seriously Lena. Every time we have some external correspondence with someone, I swear their voice falters, or their eyes widen the minute they hear 'Luthor'."_

_"Gee, thanks Sam. I feel so much better at my adopted surname."_

_"Shit, sorry, Lena. That's not what I meant."_

  


_Lena went back to focusing on her salad._

  


_"Look, I've thought about this a lot, ever since we've started talking again. If you want to continue to lessen the threats somehow and rebuild the Luthor name, then you need to start fresh. Start with the company. Give it a new name, continue on your path to clearing those horrible, close-minded thoughts from the people, and once L-Corp is associated to good things, then they'll associate you to good too. It's a long-term plan, but I think it's the right step to take."_

  


_Lena chewed her food slower, rationalizing Sam's idea. She couldn't really argue with it._

  


It would only be days later, when Lena came into Sam's office with affirmation on her face, and a smile to accompany it. Lena had told Sam that she had been contemplating her idea to rebrand the company, and the more she thought about it, the better the idea sounded. Even better, Lena had started to see the potential of a brighter future, not just for the company, but for herself. The idea of starting fresh gave Lena hope, and she was ever grateful for Sam's suggestion. She had wondered why she hadn't thought of it first.

  


_"It's because you're too caught up with the chaos around you, Lee. You've got a shitload to focus on and you rarely take care of yourself. I don't even want to ask how many hours of sleep you get."_

_Lena scoffed. "And you're any better?"_

_"I have a kid. I have an excuse."_

  


_They both chuckled._

  


_"Besides, that's why you need me. I'm your better half," Sam teased. "I'm the sensible one."_

_Lena opened her mouth to counter, but didn't. In so many instances, Sam was right. She was the more sensible of the two. History proved that more times between them than not._

  


Eventually, they worked together on a plan to get everything in order for the rebranding. It wasn't an easy feat, and there was definitely going to be stacks of paperwork to sign, lawyers to involve, and board members to convince. It was an annoying several months on top of their day-to-day duties, but they continued to look ahead. There was a light at the end of that tunnel, and it was what motivated them. Sam was just as excited, if not more than Lena. To this day, all she ever wanted, was to see was her best friend happy.


	29. Letting the Cat Out of the Bag

**Present Day (Same Day)**

  


Still wrapped up in Sam's embrace, Lena's train of thought was suddenly interrupted by the buzz of a notifications on her phone once more. Looking down, she saw messages from Alex.

  


_[9:33 pm] Agent Danvers: "Hey, we just got a lead that requires me to take a team out immediately."_  
_[9:33 pm] Agent Danvers: "I know this is random, but I wanted to tell you...just in case things go south, that you mean a lot to me."_  
_[9:34 pm] Agent Danvers: "You've saved me from myself and I'm so happy that you've come into my life."_  
_[9:34 pm] Agent Danvers: "Kara knocked it into my head that I needed to start saying these things to people important to me before I go on life threatening missions :) "_  
_[9:35 pm] Agent Danvers: "I'm sorry I didn't call to tell you. I just didn't know how to have them come out of my mouth."_  
_[9:35 pm] Agent Danvers: "I have to go. Just to assure you though, I don't plan on dying. I'll see you soon okay?"_

__

__

__

  


Lena stared at the messages on her phone. She was trying to digest every word that she'd read. She knew that Alex her had gotten close, but it sounded awfully close to a confession of sorts. The idea of Alex falling in love with Lena was something she wasn't prepared for, and it was something she was originally trying to prevent, especially since she hadn't fully convinced herself that she could be with her. She did try to keep Terra's words in her mind, to give her the confidence to admit her feelings for Alex and to pursue them, but the longer she waited, and now with the news of her mother's cynical doings, her resolve wavered. The hesitation started to come back. Every thought and memory of why she felt like Alex didn't deserve someone like her, resurfaced. Lena's stomach twisted once more at the thought of not knowing which decision was for the best, for Alex. 

  


_[9:36 pm] Me: "Thank you for the sentiment and the update. Please be careful."_  


  


Lena watched as the dots appeared and disappeared from the text window. Her gut was telling her that Alex was trying to say something, but couldn't. She wondered if perhaps her assumption was right, regarding the sentiment and the deeper meaning behind it. Luckily, in the end, the message that came through was neutral.

  


_[9:37 pm] - Agent Danvers: "I always try to be :)"_  


  


Sam watched as Lena looked at her phone. She saw how her facial expressions shifted from something akin to awe and happiness, to concern and troubling. The way Lena was so highly concentrated on the words on the device in her hands, and how she remained quiet and speechless, was enough to hint to Sam what was going on. She huffed out a quiet chuckle and crossed her arms.

  


"So, which one is it?" Sam teased knowingly.

  


Lena snapped out of her daze and looked questioningly at Sam, who was just wearing an amused look.

  


"Which one is what?"

  


Sam took a few steps over to the desk, turned back to face Lena, then leaned her hip against the solid surface. Her arms were crossed and she gave the woman a humored look that expressed exactly to what she was referring to.

  


"Oh, I think you know."

  


It was only for a microsecond that Lena's smile tried to escape. She quickly caught it by biting down on her lower lip, then tried to put on her poker face. Sam was watching her the whole time and caught the shifting of her facial expressions.

  


"I see, you're going to make me drag it out of you," Sam taunted. "Lemme guess, it's the reason you wanted to chat with me to begin with."

  


Sam watched as Lena paced over to the bar and poured herself a glass of water. The woman continued to ignore her altogether. It was fine though. Sam knew that this would be a good distraction from the news and liked playing these games with Lena anyway. Lena always tended to get a bit shy when talking about potential love interests; it was fun to tease her about it.

  


"I would've figured you'd fall for one of them eventually," Sam chuckled. "Hmm...," she hummed, as her eyes narrowed at her friend's back while trying to guess which Danvers women Lena had set her sights on.

"Tough one. They're both prime candidates, with their own allure...," she said with a smirk.

  


Lena turned around and raised her brow at Sam, sporting her best, "Oh really?" look. Lena wondered if Sam had any interest in either of the sisters as well. Sam laughed at the insinuating expression on her face. She knew how to read Lena well.

  


"Hey, I'm not blind Lena. They're both very captivating in their own way."

  


Lena chuckled, stepped over to Sam and handed her the water glass she'd been drinking from.

  


"Drink."

  


Sam took the glass and gave her a playful glare.

  


"This isn't alcohol, so you know you're not gonna shut me up that easily or make me forget what we're talking about."

  


Lena gave Sam a mischievous grin.

  


"You need to hydrate," Lena said as she walked back towards the seating area and sat down. "There's more shots to do," she joked.

  


Sam rolled her eyes softly and drank the water, before taking a seat next to her friend.

  


"Besides," Lena said as she placed a hand on Sam's thigh. "If I really wanted to shut you up, I know much better ways," she said flirtaciously.

  


It took Sam a second to respond. Lena did have a way of choking her up with that alluring look of hers. Eventually, Sam shook her head and came back to her senses.

  


"Oh, get off Lena," Sam huffed with a toying annoyance as she swiped Lena's hand away.

  


Lena laughed whole-heartedly, then poured them both another round of shots.

  


"That used to always work," Lena said with amusement.

"Your charm doesn't always work on me, Ms. Luthor," Sam said, giving her a pointed look. "But, I wouldn't say it was completely ineffective," she admitted.

  


Lena slid the shot over to Sam's direction. Sam's eyes stared at the shot before lifting them up towards her friend.

  


"Getting back on topic though...," Sam said, making herself more comfortable on the couch as Lena did the same. "I'm guessing you're crushing on the blonder Danvers."

  


Lena threw back her shot and winced. The reaction was a bit confusing to read, but the swiftness of it told Sam what she needed to know. Her eyes widened slightly.

  


"Wow. So, Alex then..."

  


Lena sucked in her lips, bit down and nodded. Sam leaned further back into the corner of the couch and just slowly nodded her head in approval and surprise.

  


"Good for you Lena. Alex is...quite the catch," she said with a bit of hesitation.

"What?" Lena responded, sensing that there was more to that comment than Sam was giving off.

"Nothing," Sam shrugged as she leaned forward and took the shot, downing it like a champ.

"You either disapprove or..."

  


Sam raised a brow, waiting for the rest of that sentence to come out.

  


"Or....?"

"Or you like Alex too."

  


Sam chuckled at the thought, knowing that Lena wasn't completely wrong.

  


"It's fine Lena. I'm just teasing. Yes, I am a bit attracted to her, I mean, who wouldn't be," she smirked, "but she's never seemed that interested. If it's not me, then at least it's you."

"Are you sure?"

Sam leaned towards Lena and put her hand on her knee. "I'm positive. Luckily, my attraction to her hadn't gotten further than that. Now. Spill."

Lena smiled. "I'm not sure where to start..."

"How about from the beginning, because I honestly thought you were going to get with Kara for the longest time."

"Kara?" Lena questioned in confusion.

"Do you not see the way you two act around each other?"

"It's hardly different than with you and I Sam."

"My point exactly. And we've slept together."

Lena giggled. "You got me there."

  


Sam shifted back into her corner of the couch and pulled her legs up under her to get comfortable. Lena's face turned serious a bit and it alarmed Sam slightly. Lena took a deep breath before starting.

  


"It...It didn't start out like I would've wanted it to. We met under...unusual circumstances..."

"Lillian's doing...I remember. The whole Cadmus thing, right? You said you met Alex back then."

  


Lena nodded, recalling how Cadmus had become yet another stain on her name.


	30. A Bright Future Ahead

**Past - Lena - 24 Years Old**

  


Emotions Part XXII— Friends — A slow upward turn

  


The time of celebration was upon them. Sam and Lena had finally gotten everything in order for the renaming of the company to L-Corp. It was months of hard work, but everything was finally coming together. The process wasn't easy, and there was a lot of hard negotiation along the way, but Sam was with Lena through every step of it; a gesture of support that did not go unnoticed. Sam being there made everything bearable, and gave Lena the strength and confidence to pursue this goal; an achievement that Lena now believed would mark a real turning point in her life. There was something about having something concrete that deemed the idea as realistic. Lena had made it a point, mentally, to change the image of the Luthor name, but seeing something as simple as the words, "L-Corp" on her building, on the letterhead of her documents, and in the signature of her emails, made it seem absolute. It was like shedding a part of the heaviness of the weight that the Luthor name carried on her back; a fresh start indeed.

And finally, after all the work they had put in, the ceremony was upon them. T-minus three days and counting.

  


_"Oh my god, I can't believe we're practically done! I never imagined that just lobbing off letters and adding a hyphen to a name could be so hard," Sam complained, as she poured out a celebratory shot of vodka for them both._

_"I told you it wasn't going to be simple," Lena chuckled, as she took hold of one of the shots._

_"But it'll be worth it. We both know it. Cheers."_

_Lena nodded. "Cheers."_

  


_They both winced and put down their glasses._

  


_"We probably should stop doing that," Lena joked, forgetting that she always wished for a chaser. She made a mental note to start keeping something on hand._

_Sam scoffed in amusement._

  


_"You mean with us drinking vodka? Never," she teased. "So, now that everything is all set, what's your next plans, boss?"_

  


_Lena giggled at the title. It was weird to hear that coming from Sam of all people._

  


_"Well, theoretically, I was invited to take a ride on the Venture tomorrow."_

_"Oh, no way! That's totally cool. I mean...outer space..."_

_"Would you like to come? I'm sure I can rally another seat."_

_"You know, as much as I would die for the chance to go out into space with you, I've got this play-date thing tomorrow with Ruby."_

_"Too bad," Lena teased. "It'd be up there...you know, a personal record to kiss someone in space," she added coyly._

  


_Sam raised a brow at the flirtatious comment._

  


_"Why, Lena Luthor, are you seducing me?" she teased back._

_"Whatever do you mean?" Lena said coyly, as she went back towards her desk._

  


_Lena was feeling ever so relieved and confident about the new start for her company and what that meant, that she was pent up with anxious energy, and was feeling a bit amorous towards Sam._

  


_"You're horrible. I mean, you're good at that thing you do," she said, as her finger gestured in a circular pattern at Lena, indicating to the way the woman always managed to display a tantalizing appeal when she wanted to, "but you're horrible," Sam finished as she followed Lena behind the desk._

_"You've never thought of me that way before," she continued teasing, turning her body as she watched Sam follow her._

  


_Sam eventually confronted Lena, entered her personal space, as she circled and eyed her. She then stepped closer until Lena inadvertently backed into her own desk. With their faces merely an inch apart, Sam stared into Lena's eyes, fully captivated by them. She then closed in and tilted her head forward, allowing their foreheads to touch._

  


_"It's been a while...," she breathed heavily._

_"It has, Sammy..."_

  


_Lena's hands toyed with the lapels of Sam's blazer. Her hands slid down from the collar, then pressed against the top of her chest with a slight pressure, before she grabbed hold of the edges of her jacket and pulled Sam into a deep kiss. Sam's hands automatically took hold on Lena's waist for balance, then eventually pulled her in closer. When they parted for air, they both smiled._

  


_"Damn, Lena," Sam grinned. "I don't think this is appropriate behavior. Just cause you're the boss and all...," she teased._

  


_Lena playfully shoved Sam away and gave her a wry smile._

  


_"I'm not forcing you to do anything you don't want to, Sammy," she said as she turned._

  


_She then sat back in her chair and twisted towards her laptop._

  


_Sam leaned over behind Lena and turned her chair slightly to whisper at her ear._

  


_"I didn't say I didn't want to do anything..." she said, before placing a trail of soft kisses along Lena's pale and sexy neck._

  


_Lena hummed in pleasure. "Now you're the one partaking in appropriate behavior, Ms. Arias."_

  


_"Mmmm...only inappropriate because we're in your office. How about you and I leave and celebrate our win early. Whaddya say, boss?" she taunted as she continued kissing and dragging her tongue along up to Lena's ear._

  


_Lena turned to face her, then grabbed hold of Sam's collar once more and yanked her face towards her for a long kiss. Their lips entangled with each other; the hunger behind them fierce, as their movements became heavy and heated._

  


_"Come on, darling. Let's go to my place."_

  


  


* * *

  


  


It was nearly 4pm when they both woke, wrapped up in each other's arms, naked under silken sheets. They were startled by the ringing of their phones. Tossing over, Sam quickly saw that it wasn't a number she recognized, so she dropped the phone back on the night-stand and curled back around Lena. A few minutes later, Lena's phone went off as well. She, however, picked up.

  


_After a few minutes of "I see," "Yes, I understand," and "How the hell..," Lena finally hung up. Sam just chuckled at the incoherent portion of the conversation that she caught wind of._

  


_"I'm surprised we lasted this long without an interruption," Sam chuckled. "Work?"_

_"Yes, Jess. She mentioned something about some issues regarding the ceremony. Something about missing forms for the authorization of the location."_

_"Ugh," Sam groaned. "I thought we were set."_

_"As did I."_

  


_Lena leaned over and caressed the side of Sam's face, before placing a soft kiss on her lips._

  


_"She was probably the one who called you just now. You should store her number."_

_"Mmmm...later," Sam said, wrapping her arms around Lena's neck to pull her back in._

  


_After a long set of kisses, Lena pulled back before they got too heated._

  


_"Come on Sammy," she said as she pulled away and sat up. "We've got a company to run."_

  


_Sam grumbled, but eventually agreed._

  


  


* * *

  


  


By the time they returned back to L-Corp, it was about an hour later. Sam and Lena met with Jess and went over the details of the ceremony, as well as the portions that needed to be addressed, including the forms and the need to speak to a certain government official and have sign them. Being that it was so late in the day and city hall was already closed, they realized that they'd have to take care of it in the morning.

  


_"Don't you have your flight tomorrow?" Sam inquired._

_"I'll have to cancel."_

_"You shouldn't. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity. Go. I'll take care of things here."_

_"No. This is way too important. I trust you Sam, I really do, but I want to make sure everything goes as planned. We've worked so hard already. One measly ride into space means nothing to me."_

_"Are you positive?"_

_"One hundred percent."_

  


Suffice to say, everything that led from Sam's joining the company, to this point in their lives as they embarked on this journey towards a new beginning, was memorable to Lena in so many ways. Hope, happiness and excitement ran through her; concepts that were once so foreign, barely two years ago. Things had and were changing for the better.

That evening, Lena made the call, cancelling her attendance for the Venture launch. As spectacular and momentous an opportunity like that was, it was still no match for the thrill Lena got from starting a legacy of her own; a journey she was much more interested in venturing on.


	31. An Unfortunate Incident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
> 
> 
> Sorry for the late post! I got too caught up in the Red Daughter fic I was writing.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!
> 
>   
> 
> 
>   
> 

**Past - Lena - 24 Years Old (The next day)**

  


Emotions Part XXIII— The World — An approaching drop in the ride, seen from the distance

  


The next morning, Sam and Lena started taking care of business right away. They split up the responsibilities to oversee certain portions of the ceremony's schedule, to make sure everything was prepared. Sam handled everything from within the company, while Lena went to take care of the external proceedings.

By the afternoon, all seemed to be in place. The paperwork was signed, authorizations were handled, security teams were accounted for, the media had been reached out to, and as far as they knew, everything was set. Jess triple checked though, just to make sure. While they coordinated the schedule in Lena's office, they suddenly heard the news that flashed on the screen.

  


_"...we're hearing of a possible explosion about the Venture. There are over 200 people aboard the craft. There are no further details..."_

  


_"Holy shit, Lena," Sam expressed with disbelief. "You could've been on there..."_

  


As they watched the news feed come through regarding the incident, Lena just stood there, a bit shook up at the idea. It'd been a while since her life was in jeopardy, but the thought of having something like that happen to her, was still unnerving. The cynical part of her almost wanted to laugh, as if she knew about the cruel joke that life continued to play on her. She wondered what the chances were for the well-built spacecraft to suffer from what she deduced was a mechanical failure, considering it had undergone so much rigorous testing. The answer was slim to none, and that bothered her. Clearly, something was amiss. She didn't believe in a higher power then, but prayed for the safety of those passengers.

Lena turned her attention turned back to the work at hand, hoping to distract those negative thoughts from surfacing. They ran through everything one last time, then focused on the remaining, unrelated work they had to take care of for the day. By the time evening rolled around, Lena was still at work, busying her mind with anything she could. Her nerves were still rattled from the Venture incident earlier that day. 

The news coverage indicated that all the passengers were unharmed, due to the help of Superman and Supergirl, and that the flight was indeed disrupted by an unexpected mechanical failure that had yet to be analyzed. They also revealed that the explosion seemed to have originated from within one of the rear turbine boosters. Lena immediately shook her head, knowing that the propulsion system was handled by a company she had partnered with, who at the time, worked with LuthorCorp to design some of the more involved components needed for the shuttle's systems. She knew that even though her involvement was barely even there, that fingers would start to point at her. She couldn't wait for transition. She needed L-Corp to come to surface soon, and wash away all the bad stigma her brother left her with.

It was around 8pm, when Lena received a text message.

  


_[8:10 pm] Sammy: "Hey you, still at the office?"_  
_[8:11 pm] Me: "Where else would I be?"_  
_[8:11 pm] Sammy: "Did you eat?"_

  


Lena huffed in amusement. Her evening meals usually consisted of possibly some fruit or toast, or whatever she could conjure up at home, along with a glass of wine. Occasionally, if she was utterly famished, she'd order in.

  


_[8:12 pm] Me: "Not yet. I will eventually."_  
_[8:12 pm] Sammy: "You need your energy, Lena. Whatever you're doing can wait. Come over. I just put Rubes to bed and I'll order pizza."_  
_[8:13 pm] Sammy: "Oh, and if you want to make a night out of it, gather what you need and stay over. You can have the guest room if you want."_

  


Lena smiled at the offer. She'd be lying if she said that a calm evening with her best friend didn't sound like a great idea right about now. A sleepover sounded even better.

  


_[8:13 pm] Me: "You've got yourself a deal, Ms. Arias. I'll see you soon."_

  


By the time Lena arrived, it was a close to 9:30. Sam had kept the pizza warm in the oven and had two glasses of wine already waiting for them. When they settled on the couch, they started chatting. It started out about work and how they were both still very excited about the renaming of LuthorCorp, but then the tone of the conversation shifted when Lena saw a flash of the news briefing on the TV, going over once more the incident about the Venture.

  


_"Hey, you okay?"_

  


Lena just plastered on her fake smile and nodded. Sam saw right through that though. She placed her drink down on the table and scooted closer to her friend, then threw her arm around her shoulder.

  


_"You've got to know by now that your imitation of a smile doesn't work on me," Sam teased. "What's going on?"_

_"The Venture explosion...," she relented to admitting._

_"It was an unfortunate incident for sure, but, you weren't aboard it, and everyone was saved because of the Supers. For once, luck was on everyone's side. Including yours. You're here, you're safe...I got you."_

  


Lena nuzzled closer to Sam, finding her usual spot next to Sam's chest.

  


_"I know, and...the idea does bother me still...the idea of dying. But, what I'm more concerned about, is how the incident will turn on me."_

  


Sam shifted away, just enough to turn her head and furrow her brows in confusion.

  


_"How...how is a random incident like that going to turn on you?"_

_"NasEng," Lena simply responded. She knew that Sam would quickly put the pieces together once she heard that name._

_"NasEng...wait, didn't we work with them a while back on...ohh..."_

_"Mhmmm."_

_"Wait, that doesn't mean a damn thing though. Just because we partnered with them to build the tech they needed for the shuttle, doesn't mean that you were involved in this."_

_"Not directly, no. But the lengths people go to, to drag me into the mud because I'm a Luthor...," she half chuckled. "It wouldn't surprise me that the next thing you hear on the news, is LuthorCorp being the prime suspect._

  


Sam shook her head in disgust. She hated how Lena's surname continued to be a hindrance in her life. It always stole the happiness and normalcy from her friend.

  


_"Well, let's hope it doesn't come down to that. For now, there isn't anything that indicates that anyone even has you in their sight. Unless you got some news from the office that says otherwise."_

_"No...," Lena said with a bit of relief, but her tone was still laced with worry._

_"Then I wouldn't even thing about it. Best case, this blows over without mentioning you in the least. Worse case, they try to investigate the company, and we'll just hand them every record we have detailing our partnership with NasEng. We have nothing to hide."_

_"Perhaps..."_

_"Hey..."_

  


Sam then reached over and placed her hand on Lena's cheek to turn her head to face her. Lena stared into Sam's eyes, and it was a familiar look. The energy was one of confidence and protection, one that Lena's learned to cherish over time. It always gave her comfort, reassuring her that Sam would always be there for her.

  


_"No matter what happens, Lena. I'm here. I'll always be here, and I'll be right there with you when you need to talk to the press, the lawyers, or the authorities, okay? We'll get through this. Together."_

  


That night, Lena took the offer of staying over, but was surprised when Sam insisted that they share her bed instead. Sam prefaced it by sternly saying that there wasn't to be any foul play, knowing what they had done just yesterday. Lena just giggled and kissed Sam on the cheek. She happily agreed. As always, though their friendship consisted of being best friends with benefits, the benefits part of it wasn't the primary reason that the two were there for each other. Their friendship was a support system. Something that magnetized the both of them to one other. Part of it, was clearly Lena's need for someone who cared for her and loved her for who she was. The other, was perhaps Sam's need to protect someone who was so vulnerable and so undeserving of what's been cast upon her. Their friendship was a type of symbiosis that worked to their benefit. And after the kind of day Lena had, Sam knew that Lena needed the physical and emotional support that only Sam could to give her.


	32. The Aftermath (Part I)

**Past - Lena - 24 Years Old (The day after the Venture incident)**

  


Emotions Part XXIV— The World — The start of the fall...

  


It was a busy day at the office, and Lena was glad to have been able to get a restful night at Sam's. The comfort that the woman provided, helped her to ease the stress in the back of her mind. She had nearly forgotten about the Venture incident until she was approached by some unexpected visitors to her office early that afternoon. 

Just as Lena was returning from one of her business meetings, Jess had messaged her to let her know that two reporters were there to speak with her. She thought then, that all that she'd been worrying about the day before would come to fruition. She shook her head and tried to remember Sam's words.

  


_..."We have nothing to hide."_

_"No matter what happens, Lena. I'm here. I'll always be here, and I'll be right there with you when you need to talk to the press, the lawyers, or the authorities, okay? We'll get through this. Together."_

  


She thought about reaching out to Sam to come to her office to meet with the reporters, but at the last minute, decided against it. She knew that Sam supported her no matter what, especially since she truly had no part in this mess. Knowing that, she was determined to face the questioning of the reporters alone. She had faced them before, she could do it again.

To her surprise, as she approached her office, she recognized one of the reporters. Clark Kent. She worried then. She had faced interviews with him before back in Metropolis when her brother had to deal with the media. Being that he was a well-respected reporter who seemed to have a thing against the Luthors, it unnerved her. Despite not having any involvement, she worried that a man like that could potentially turn the tables on her if he wanted to.

As she met them in the hallway, Clark gave Lena a firm head nod; a familiar acknowledgement. She knew then that he would come to suspect her already. However, she spoke first, hoping to have the upper hand in the conversation.

  


_"There's a perfectly reasonable explanation for why I wasn't aboard the Venture yesterday."_

_"Well, that's why we're here," Clark immediately interrupted._

  


Lena scoffed quietly, knowing that this was could become a quickly heated discussion with the tension that she was already feeling from him. However, she tried to take the higher road. With her name on the line, and her company's rebranding to happen the next day, if she wanted to start a clean slate, now would be the best time.

  


_"There was an emergency regarding the planning ceremony I'm holding tomorrow. I'm renaming my family's company and I had to cancel."_

_"Ah, lucky."_

  


Lena grinned. There it was. The cloaked dagger.

  


_"Lucky is Superman saving the day."_

_Clark chuckled. "Not something one would expect a Luthor to say — "_

_"And Supergirl was there too."_

  


Lena's attention was then caught to the other reporter that accompanied him. There was something about her that struck her as different. She seemed inexperienced, and didn't have the confidence and brashness of a typical reporter. Her attire was also too...soft. Again, not what she was used to typical reporters dressing in. Intrigued, she asked who she was.

  


_"And who are you, exactly?"_

_"Um...um...I'm Kara Danvers. I'm not with the Daily Planet. I'm with Catco Magazine. Sort of..."_

  


Lena smirked. That was why. The woman did seem to be more of a writer for an entertainment magazine, rather than a street journalist. Being that that was the case, she lowered her guard a bit around the woman. She didn't seem like a threat. Clark, on the other hand, was. She steeled herself up, ready to be bombarded with whatever accusation the man had for her. In her mind, she had already come up with all the negative stories that could come out of a conversation like this, so she was prepared with her answers.

  


_"Just ask me what you want to ask me, Mr. Kent. Did I have anything to do with the Venture explosion," she said, beating him to the punch._

_"Did you?"_

_"You wouldn't be asking me if my last name was Smith."_

_"Ah, but it's not. It's Luthor."_

  


Lena smirked at the expected remark. Of course she'd be targeted because of her name. That was evident. After some time of trying to explain her side of the story, she felt content in leaving them with the knowledge that she wasn't like her brother, and that she was genuinely trying to make things better and cleanse the Luthor name. But, she also wasn't ignorant enough to believe that Clark Kent, of all people, would just take her word for it.

  


_"I know why you're here. Because a subsidiary of my company made the part that exploded on the venture. This drive contains all the information we have on the oscillator. I hope it helps you in your investigation."_

  


She handed him the data regarding the business dealings with NasEng. She'd hope this would serve as an olive branch and settle things between them, at least for now. The gesture seemed unexpected by the reporter, yet he was grateful for it. They parted ways in an amicable manner. At the end of it, Lena was relieved to have dodged a bullet. Until later on that same morning.

On her way to another business trip, her helicopter was suddenly attacked by drones. She already feared flying, but now, it was even worse, as two mechanical robots pointed its guns at them as they hovered in the air. A wave of panic settled on her. It was like that attacker from her past. She was trapped with no where to run to, fearing for her life, but this time, guns held her captive. She watched as the seconds ticked on, wondering if and what miracle would save her this time. And as she took bated breaths, waiting for her time to come, two caped crusaders flew into the trajectory of the bullets. Lena watched as the two Supers handled the situation. Superman fled off, while Supergirl came to her aid, blocking bullets and missiles. Unfortunately, it knocked the female superhero down momentarily, and allowed the drone to gun down her copter. Luckily, Supergirl came rushing back, as she destroyed the drone, then safely brought Lena's damaged copter to the ground.

Lena's heart was racing; her adrenaline amped up from the attack. She tried calm down, but it wasn't until Supergirl mentioned that the attack was primarily targetted to her, to kill her, that Lena once more felt the fear creep in. The attack was too intricate to not have been meant for her specifically. That she knew. But now that it had been thwarted, she worried that whoever was behind it, wouldn't stop there.

  


  


* * *

  


  


_"Holy shit, Lena!" exclaimed a panicked Sam, who just barged into her office that very afternoon. "I just heard from Jess what happened. Are you alright?"_

  


Lena had been sitting at her desk, nursing a glass of scotch at the time. And in the second of seeing Lena hunched over her desk, staring at her glass, Sam knew she wasn't.

  


_"Lena..."_

_Lena scoffed. "Of course, the moment that I try to make anything good happen, the worst of my fears surface," she said with annoyed sarcasm. "Supergirl said that the drones that attacked me were targetted to kill me. It has got to be the most sophisticated method to date, Sam," she joked as she shook her head and threw back the rest of her drink._

  


Sam walked next to her and leaned up against the woman's desk, placing her hand on the woman's shoulder for comfort.

  


_"This won't ever stop, will it...," Lena said much quieter, with defeat in her voice._

_"Hey, no. Not true. It will stop one day Lena. I know it will. It's just hard right now because everything that your brother did, is still so fresh, and we haven't buried any of that just yet. Once we rename your company Lena, it'll be that first step, remember? We can pave the way to making sure that anything associated with L-Corp, with the Luthor name, is clean. It's hard, Lee...and...what happened today was...terrifying," Sam said as she squeezed Lena's shoulder harder. "But we'll survive this. We will."_

  


Lena gazed up, looking at Sam. The woman's eyes were glistening in the afternoon light. She was clearly worried. Lena placed her hand on top of Sam's and squeezed lightly. Their solidarity was the only thing that kept Lena going. Sam stood strong for the both of them, and the woman's words always brought comfort and confidence back to Lena's broken heart.


	33. The Aftermath (Part II)

**Past - Lena - 24 Years Old (The day after the failed drone attacks)**

  


Emotions Part XXV— The World — A sudden fall followed by a quick turn and upward climb..

  


Today, the ceremony that the two women had been working towards had finally come. Lena strode into her office with confidence having returned. She had spent the night at Sam's again, which always eased her. The ceremony was to start in an hour, and she gathered what she needed. It was then that an unexpected visitor appeared.

  


_"Ms. Luthor..."_

  


Lena looked up to see the same blonde reporter that accompanied Clark yesterday.

  


_"I'm so sorry, Ms. Luthor. She slipped in when I was on the phone, and I — "_

_"It's alright Jess. I'll handle it from here. Thank you."_

  


Jess gave an unwelcoming glare at the reporter before leaving on her way.

  


_"Ms. Danvers, is it?"_

_"Um...yea...yes."_

_"Well, Ms. Danvers. I do have a ceremony to attend to, so whatever you're here for, make it quick."_

  


Lena continued to gather her items, text Sam and check a few emails while Kara stood there, fidgeting a bit, and not quite saying a word. Lena stopped what she was doing and looked up at the woman.

  


_"Ms. Danvers?"_

_"Oh, um...right. I um...Ms. Luthor, I know we don't really know each other and...I know this will sound strange coming from someone you don't know, but...I don't think you should attend the ceremony."_

  


Lena all but laughed.

  


_"You're serious? Not attend my own ceremony? Ms. Danvers, I have been working for this moment for the better portion of the year. I am not about to throw this away. What right have you to tell me that anyway?"_

  


The woman continued to step forward, but was very timid in her movements. The whole act confused Lena. She wasn't used to dealing with someone like her, who obviously was telling her not to do something she wanted to. Usually, those commands came from overbearing men in suits, or brash reporters.

  


_"I know about Supergirl saving your life yesterday. About the attack. I don't think that putting yourself out in the public is the right thing to do right now. Not with a maniac out on the loose to kill you."_

  


The sentiment took Lena by surprise. She wasn't quite sure if the concern was authentic, but regardless, she's never had a stranger have such investment in her well-being, other than a few key people from her past, like Sam.

  


_"I...appreciate the concern, Ms. Danvers, but the show must go on. There's a bigger stake in all this than you realize."_

  


With that, Lena collected her things, nodded to Kara and left the office, thinking that she'd be able to avoid humoring a conversation that would only serve to rattle her nerves even more. However, she didn't expect the amateur reporter to continue to tag along with her. The walk over was awkward to say the least, with large windows of silence left between them. Without being much of a threat, or seemingly without much of a backbone either, Lena didn't quite feel the need to be hard on the woman and tell her to leave her alone. She figured at the very least, she was following along to cover a story on the ceremony, so she let her be. They exchanged a few more words regarding the possible threat on her life, versus the need for the ceremony to continue on, before they parted ways.

Lena took to the podium and looked around. There were very few people in attendance, mostly reporters and security, sprinkled with a handful of other bystanders. Sam stood to the side of the stage and gave Lena a head nod, one that told her she could do this. She nodded back and took a deep breath before starting her speech. It wasn't too long after, when an explosion set off and chaos ensued. Her security detail covered her, and ushered her away from the danger, but they fell in the process. Between the smoke and the rushing of people around her, she lost sight of Sam. Her heart raced, worried for her friend, and in a moment of panic, she looked to find help.

She caught sight of a police officer and tried to approach him, but when he raised his gun at her, she froze. Already shaken up from the incident, she didn't know how to react. Once more, she thought she was going to die. However, in a brief second, the man was disarmed and attacked by a red-headed woman in casual attire. Lena stood in shock, watching this woman take down the rogue officer. She couldn't help but watch in amazement at how well the woman handled herself and how she continued to fight off this man. The altercation took a turn however, when he rolled to the ground and picked up his gun and took her hostage. He had his back turned away from Lena as he spoke with Supergirl, who had just arrived. While he was distracted, Lena had a moment of clarity and picked up the woman's gun. She hesitated at first, but continued to raise her arm and point the weapon at the man's back. She wasn't sure if she could actually shoot him, but that all changed when she heard his exchange with Supergirl.

  


_"Lex Luthor hired you to kill his sister, didn't he?"_

_"Luthor still has resources and reach, even rotting in maximum security lock-down."_

  


Hearing the admission that he was hired by her own brother to kill her, infuriated her. There was still a present shock regarding the idea too, but her anger was stronger. She'd had enough of her brother meddling in her life and causing her nothing but trouble and grief. The act of actually trying to kill her, topped it all off. When she thought she had a clear shot, she fired right into the man's torso. Not once, but twice. 

Finally, the situation had come to a point where Lena could just breath and take in everything that happened. The man had been taken away by a medical team, while authorities secured the area. It was then that Lena got a moment with her savior.

  


_"Thanks...for saving my life," the woman said._

  


Lena was still dealing with the aftershock and her nerves were still a wreck, but the woman's gentle voice helped to soothe her.

  


_"I...um...I was glad to help. You did save mine first after all," she smiled._

  


The woman then smiled back, and Lena was captivated by the kind expression on her face. For some reason, Lena couldn't find much else to say after that.

  


_"I um...I believe that's my gun you have," the woman said with a bit of embarrassment._

_"Oh. Oh, of course. I apologize," Lena said, handing the woman her weapon._

_"I have to go. But, I'm sure there's going to be a few folks that'll want your statement, Ms. Luthor, so unfortunately, you'll have to stick around."_

_"Right, of course."_

  


At that moment, Lena felt nervous, but not for all that had transpired. Somehow, all of it had temporarily been lifted from her mind. Instead, all she was focused on, was the woman in front of her. Perhaps it was the idea of being saved by a complete stranger who jumped in harm's way. A woman no less. An attractive woman even, who clearly knew how to defend herself and held up well in a fight. Lena was charmed. However, given the situation, she didn't have much time, and clearly had some difficulties forming any coherent thoughts. The redhead nodded once more turned turned away. It wasn't until the woman was nearly out of sight, that Lena kicked herself for not even getting her name.

Perhaps it was that interaction that made things better, or the fact that Sam was safe and accounted for, and had practically smothered her with hugs in her strong arms for most of the day, or the fact that despite the attack during her speech, the L-Corp name was finally announced. But, whatever it was, Lena's spirits were exceptionally high. The next day, when she was back in her office, she met up with Kara and Clark once more. She read his article about the incident, which had cleared her of any direct involvement with the Venture explosion and even spoke with good intentions about her and the rebranding. The story made her feel even better about everything. As a bonus, the apology from the Daily Planet's top reporter, didn't hurt either.

Lena never did forget that the whole attack on her and the company was attributed to her own brother, the man who she had looked up to and admired. She knew that he wasn't too happy with the way she wasn't very accepting of his views towards aliens, but she never thought that he would hold such a grudge against her, to want to have her killed. She couldn't come up with a reasonable answer as to why her brother would go so far. The pain of that thought, eventually did resurface when she was alone in her office that evening. It nearly destroyed and positive emotion she had accumulated throughout the day. She filled a glass of scotch and took a hearty sip. However, before she let herself wallow in that thought any longer, her eye caught onto the newspaper on her desk which had Clark's article. She remembered that the publication helped to further solidify her promise to mark a new beginning for her company. The headline which read, "New Day for L-Corp," reminded her of what today meant. It told her that she finally has the chance to start over, and now, she has something concrete to back up her words.

She smiled then put glass down and texted Sam.

  


_[7:03 pm] Me: "Sammy, still here?"_

  


The immediate response all but gave Lena the answer she needed.

  


_[7:04 pm] Sammy: "Unfortunately, yes :( ."_

  


Lena chuckled, knowing that her friend needed to step away from her stress as well.

  


_[7:04 pm] Me: "Come on. Let's get out of here. I'm buying dinner. Whatever you're working on, can wait."_  
_[7:04 pm] Sammy: "Music to my ears. You're a life saver. Meet you in the lobby?"_  
_[7:05 pm] Me: "I'll be right down."_

  


It would be much later when Lena realized that not only was she confident enough to move on and somehow push away her concerns about her brother so quickly, that today would also mark the day where Alex and Kara Danvers, the two other most important people she would ever come to know, had stepped into her life.

  



	34. Kara Danvers

**Past - Lena - 24 Years Old (A month after the renaming of L-Corp)**

  


Emotions Part XXVI— Friendships — Continuation of a climb

  


Initially, Kara Danvers was just a mere acquaintance. Lena had learned that Kara had indeed become a journalist, and since then, the woman had made several visits to see her, usually under the premise of needing a point of reference for an article that she was currently working on. But after a while Lena took a liking to Kara. The reporter was very charismatic and friendly and seemed to be one of few people that Lena felt emitted true honesty and kindness. In her world, traits like that were scarce and she was always on edge and worrisome of them. Somehow, with Kara, Lena felt compelled a bit to let her guard down. She started to enjoy the random drop-ins, and quickly enough, Kara had shifted from the acquaintance category, to friend.

During a few of Kara's visits, Sam had been introduced to her, and Sam's reaction was similar to Lena's.

  


_"I think she seems like a great person Lena. Definitely not the kind of people you seem to find company with. You know, other than me of course," Sam teased._

_"I know. It's weird right?" Lena said with a bit of amusement. "Anyway, I wanted to get your take on her. You know, just because I value your opinion," she shrugged._

_"You're sweet, Lee. I'm always honored that you think of me that way."_

_"You're my best friend. Of course I do," Lena smiled, before bumping shoulders with Sam on the couch._

_"Well, then I think it's about time you expanded our little circle. Kara seems to be good people and has written some good articles about you, so I think she's at least earned a chance."_

_"I'm glad you think so too."_

_"Though...," Sam started, with a change to her tone. "If she ever does anything to hurt you. I will kick her ass."_

  


Lena chuckled, thinking about how protective Sam was, as always.

  


_"I know you will Sammy," she smiled adoringly to her friend. "Thank you."_

  


Since then, Kara had been invited out to dinner and lunches a few times with the duo, and they all had started to become close. Sam was definitely accepting of Kara. The woman gave off such a light-heartedness to her, and her optimism and goofy nature was a breath of fresh air. It allowed all of them to feel a little freer with her company.

As the friendship grew, Kara would drop by to have lunches with them both, or they'd go over to Sam's where Kara was introduced to Ruby, or they'd go over to Kara's where they would spend evenings chatting and lounging around. The dynamic between the three of them was easy, almost feeling natural, as if Kara had always been a part of their lives.

  


_"So, Kara," Sam started over dinner. "I've been wondering, since you don't talk about it much. What's your story? Do you have family? Is there anyone you're seeing?"_

  


Kara nearly choked on her burger. Lena lightly kicked Sam under the table and tilted her head, calling her out on her mischievousness. Sam just shrugged innocently, but gave a wry smile.

  


_"Um...uh..no. I'm not...I'm not seeing anyone right now," she finally managed to say, trying to avoid anything that dealt with her secret identity. "I um...I do have a sister though. We're close."_

  


Sam's smile turned into a grin and her eyes darted to Lena, who just rolled hers. Lena knew that Sam was about to stir things up.

  


_"Lena tells me that she's seen you with a guy at Catco and — "_

_"Oh! Mike!" Kara said a bit too eagerly, which caused Sam to raise a brow. "He's...he's not anything though," she immediately tried to cover up. "Just a friend...um...he's new and, well...just teaching him the ropes is all."_

_"Uh huh...," Sam said suspiciously. She wasn't buying it. The sudden apprehension and jumpy attitude definitely signaled to Sam that there was something between her and mystery Mike, but she let it slide for now._

  


Lena watched as Kara smiled widely then quickly began shoving her burger into her mouth, clearly nervous at the questioning. Lena eyed Sam once more, expressing that she should cease causing any more trouble for their new friend. However, all Sam did was smirk, feeling like she was being challenged.

  


_"So. You said you have a sister. Is she..."_

_"Gay? Yes."_

  


Kara suddenly flew her hands to her mouth, appalled at the information she had just divulged. Her sister had just recently come out to her and she was really still processing the information, and with the Mike conversation that already had her thoughts wandering about her crush on him, it was an unfortunate mistake that she had blurted out. When Kara looked up at her companions, they were struck with the same surprise on their face at the sudden revelation for information they clearly were not intending to obtain.

  


_"O....kay," Sam said with a wider than normal grin._

  


Lena once more kicked her friend, and it only caused Sam to chuckle.

  


_"I'm sorry. I...I don't know why I just said that. Um...," Kara said apologetically, as her cheeks turned pink and her ears grew hot._

  


Seeing Kara in a more nervous fit than before, Lena placed her hand on the woman's arm and talked her down.

  


_"Hey, it's fine. You don't have to explain or say anything else, despite what Sam says," she said, giving Sam a pointed look._

_"I honestly have no idea what you're referring to Lena. I haven't done a thing," she said nonchalantly, then smirked as she continued eating her meal._

  


Lena rolled her eyes once more. Sam could be such a pain sometimes, but she was a pain in a way that Lena couldn't help but find endearing to some degree. Hoping to diffuse the situation, Lena just changed the topic altogether.

  


_"So, Kara. You said you were working on a new article for Snapper. That's his name, right?"_

_"Hah, yea. We call him Snapper. He's a...an interesting guy to work for..."_

  


The dinner went smoothly for the rest of the evening without Sam causing any more trouble, which Lena was grateful for. Sam's generally forward approach to things was something that sometimes scared people, and most times, Lena was happy about it. It definitely gave Sam an edge in her company, as it did with so many other instances that she had been a part of. But with Kara, she was worried that Sam would scare her away, and it wasn't what she wanted at all. However, it would be a while later that she'd have to thank Sam for instigating that conversation.

  


_"Sam, you won't believe this," Lena said over the phone, as she poured herself some wine._

_"I'm hardly phased these days, but go on. Try me."_

_"You remember that night about Kara mentioning her sister?"_

_"Her gay sister?" Sam chuckled. "How could I ever forget that conversation," she laughed once more._

_"Well...I met her today, and here's the funny part. She's the woman that saved me when we were attacked during the L-Corp ceremony."_

_"The badass cop woman?" Sam said in surprise._

_"Mhmmm. Her name's Alex."_

_"Holy shit," Sam laughed. "Small world."_

_"Very."_

_"Well, now we know she's gay too."_

  


They both laughed, recalling the conversation with Kara not too long ago. Lena didn't say much else, except to retell the story once more because of Sam's insistence. And as she told the story, Lena felt how her face started to blush at remembering the redhead and how she had fought that man, Corben, with such ease. The whole thing made her heart flutter and twist knots in her stomach. At this point in her life, Lena was well enough aware of what this meant, but she was not in the least ready to admit to Sam of her crush on Kara's sister. And now that she was aware of Alex's preferences, it only helped to fill Lena with a bit more of hope.

  



	35. Fearing Lillian Luthor

**Present Day (Same Day)**

  


_"Wait, you mean to tell me that you fell for Alex the day she saved you? Why was I not aware of this?"_

_"Well," Lena snickered in embarrassment, "I didn't really know it at the time. But now that I think back to the first time I ever felt something for her, that day she saved me really stuck out. You know, with the exception of when I was properly introduced to her," Lena said as she fiddled with her glass._

_"Right, when Kara introduced you."_

  


Lena chuckled, trying to be dismissive of her own reaction, but Sam just shook her head at seeing Lena a bit shy about the whole admission. That coy and slightly bashful look was definitely indicative of a serious love interest. Sam had seen it time and time again.

  


_"Who would've thought the two of them would have known each other, and be related at that," Lena said with a bit of surprise in her tone. It had been so long ago, but the idea still struck her as an improbable coincidence._

_"Right. Who would've known that Kara's gay sister was the woman of your dreams," Sam sassed, utterly amused at the new information._

  


Lena just glared playfully at her friend, as she poured them yet another round.

  


_"Lee, I love you...but unless you're giving us both the day off tomorrow, I think we need to stop with the shots. I'm already hitting my limit."_

  


Lena chuckled. She was feeling a bit giddy herself, but she thought that it was perhaps the recollection of Alex that was doing it. But, upon being called out, she eventually came to realize that she shouldn't be so naive as to think the alcohol wasn't playing a part in that too. She had lost track of how much they'd been drinking as it was.

  


_"Fair enough, Ms. Arias," Lena joked. "We don't have to finish this round."_

_"But...you poured it for a reason," Sam said giving her a knowing look._

  


Lena laughed once more. Sam's flush face, half-lidded eyes, yet partially concerned look was a combination that seemed quite too comical to her at the time. Sam responded by swatting at her friend's thigh out of spite.

  


_"Alright, Ms. Giggles. Spill. I know there's more."_

_"Well, you now know how I feel."_

_"About Agent Badass. Yea...I got that," she smirked. "And?"_

_"Well, I harbored those feelings for quite some time. I was...I wasn't sure if she'd want to go out at some point, and I've just been too nervous to ask."_

  


Sam rolled her eyes, knowing that Lena wasn't one to ever make the first move when it came to someone she liked, and that things only moved forward when the either the other person initiated, or Sam intervened. It was quite ironic actually, considering Lena seemed to be the type of woman who would go after whatever she wanted. However, when it came to love, she always seemed to be more passive.

  


_"Honestly, Lena...," she said incredulously. "It's been...what?...Almost a year since the two of you've met?"_

  


Lena bit her lips and nodded a bit bashfully.

  


_"To be fair though, Sammy. A lot has happened since then."_

  


Lena's mood dropped significantly in that fraction of a second. Sam automatically felt horrible for saying what she did, considering there was indeed a number of events that have transpired since then that involved her mother and Cadmus, and made that period of time so trying for Lena.

  


_"Shit. I'm sorry, Lee. I wasn't thinking when I said that..."_

_"It was...interesting times, that's for sure," Lena said as she downed one of the shots on the table. "Never a dull moment in the shoes of Lena Luthor...," she chided._

_"Hey, no," Sam said, scooting closer to her friend. "Don't do this, Lena. Don't bring yourself back down because of your idiotic mother," Sam said. "Look, I know there's still a lot of unresolved feelings there, and...the unbelievable things your mother had done...but...we're here. We're past that now. And...and look, you've still got me. You've got Kara, and Supergirl and...Alex...come on," she said, lifting Lena's chin up with her fingers._

_"She's...she's still such a threat Sam. I mean...look, she's out there. Right now. She escaped prison with some half human, half automaton, causing terror throughout the city. And...and Alex...," she trailed off with distraught as she shook her head, wishing the tears wouldn't fall._

_"Alex will be fine. She's tough. She's faced danger so many times before. It's her job to. Remember? She's trained to take care of herself. And she's not going at it alone. You know she's got all the help she can get. It'll be okay — "_

_"No, Sam. It's not okay!" Lena broke out in frustration. "It's not...Alex is human! She's...she's not like Supergirl, or J'onn...and...she goes into these fights... I've seen her come out of some missions hurt. Never too badly, thank goodness, but...if anything ever happened to her...and my mother is involved...I..."_

  


Lena broke out into a sob. The high of the evening was quickly brought down just as easily. The liquor in her system didn't help to stop that either. She had lost all control of herself as she curled into Sam, consumed by the thought of ever losing Alex because of her mother and the terror that the woman brought on in the name of Cadmus. Lillian, it seemed, whether intentional or not, had always found a way to threaten those close to Lena, and it was a burden that Lena had always kept, and what always what kept her from forming true connections with others. Ever since her threat on Sam, Lena for sure never took them lightly. True friends were rare gems, luxuries that Lena couldn't buy, and were highly invaluable to her. No one that close was ever expendable, so she lived in constant fear for their lives.

  



	36. Being Her Own Hero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
> 
> 
> Apologies for the late update! I posted about the delay on [Tumblr](https://dreamsescapeus.tumblr.com/), but wasn't sure if any of you were aware. Future updates will mentioned there, so if you have any doubts, concerns or questions, check it out. ;)
> 
> Anyway, here's the next installment. Enjoy!
> 
>   
> 

**Past - Lena - 24 Years Old (Two months after the renaming of L-Corp)**

  


Emotions Part XXVII— Family — Another drop in the ride

  


Things had been going well for a while. L-Corp was on the verge of releasing some new products to the market that would benefit both aliens and humans alike, Lena had expanded her circle of friends, and Alex had slowly incorporated herself into Lena's life through Kara. But unfortunately, the dark cloud that lingered over Lena all her life, had come back, bringing with it another troubling storm.

It had been broadcast all over the airwaves and the internet was left buzzing about the anti-alien organization named, Cadmus, whose sole purpose was to supposedly empower all humans against the alien race that have slowly started to inhabit Earth. They were a radical group that authorities have been trying to expose and capture, but all their efforts had been fruitless. Lena had heard of the organization too, of course. Their sentiments mirrored similar ones to Lex's and for that, it bothered her greatly. In her heart, she had a feeling that Cadmus was somehow tied to Lex, and the idea was unnerving. She had hoped that she was just being paranoid, but she was also too aware of how brilliant Lex was. And, considering his past effort in trying to have her killed, it wouldn't have surprised her to know if he had any involvement in running an organization such as Cadmus, from behind bars.

Of course, to help keep her and her company away from the bad publicity, she made it her purpose to try to help stop Cadmus if she could. She knew that their organization utilized fairly advanced technology, so with her company's resources and abilities at her disposal, she found it rather simple to come up with inventions or ideas to hinder the progress of the anti-alien supporters. 

It was through one of her efforts that she had managed to finally meet Supergirl and fall into her good graces; another step in contradicting her family's stained name. However, it was also how she started to fall deeper into trouble. At first, Lena assumed that it was the resources that she was privy to, and her constant involvement to thwart the efforts of the organization, that made her a target. However, that theory was quickly squashed when she had found out that her mother was the leader behind Cadmus. She wasn't sure if her mother wanted her dead too, or if was just about the resources L-Corp had, or both. But whichever it was, it became another blow to the gut. Her family's meddling was becoming more detrimental to her life than they ever had.

The idea that her mother was involved in such a destructive organization that brought down the same reign of terror that Lex did, was horrific enough. Not only was this another hurdle she would have to overcome as being a Luthor, but the idea that her family was literally threatening her life like everyone else had been, was something else.

At the time, considering the depth of her family's history, Lena felt comfortable only turning to Sam. The bombardment of information from Supergirl about her mother's involvement with Cadmus, and all the events that she had been aware of, were slowly coming together. It was too much for her to accept.

  


_"Lee, what's wrong?" Sam said with worry as she barged into Lena's office._

  


Lena was already halfway pouring the both of them a shot of their "favorite" drink. As she saw Lena approach her with her share, she knew something was horribly wrong. 

  


_"Ah, shit. What now?" she said, tentatively taking hold of the glass._

  


Lena on the other hand, threw hers back immediately after clinking it against Sam's. 

  


_"My mother," she said with a sarcastic tone._

_"Fuck. What'd that bitch do now?"_

_"I just spoke with Supergirl. She...," Lena huffed with fake amusement. "She told me that my mother was behind Cadmus. Not just as a supporter, but as their goddamn leader."_

  


At hearing that news, Sam wore a look of utter shock as she took a deep breath, then willingly threw back her shot, winced at the familiar burn, then furrowed her brow once more at the thought of the alleged accusation of Lillian. 

  


_"Does...does she have proof? Because...that's a huge pill to swallow. Even with your mother...I can't— "_

 _"She claimed Lillian kidnapped her. I...," Lena chuckled in disbelief. "I can't imagine there being any other need for proof with that kind of a confession. I have no reason to believe that Supergirl would inadvertently frame my mother for something as horrendous as being the leader for Cadmus otherwise."_

  


Sam placed the shot glass down on the table, rubbed her face with her hands, then ran her hand from the top of her head straight through the top of her hair and down. She was speechless. The idea of knowing someone that close was behind such a powerful and dangerous organization, truly brought to light how insane Lena's family really was. She hadn't been around when the whole Lex incident occurred, but this time, she was here for this. Like all of National City, Sam was very much aware of the dealings of Cadmus and their anti-alien sentiment and violent tendencies. She moved towards Lena's desk and sat down at one of the chairs. She was having a hard time accepting it all as well. 

  


_"So...what are you going to do now?" Sam finally asked._

 _"I'm...I'm not sure yet. I just...," Lena sat down in her chair, on the verge of tearing up once more. "I can't believe this is all happening again..."_

  


Sam got up from her seat and moved close to Lena. She wasn't sure what to say, but hoped that her presence could just act as a way of comfort like it always had. They stayed like that for a while, with Sam just remaining by her side, as she let Lena's thoughts brew. 

  


_"I know why my mother...Cadmus attacked L-Corp a few days ago," she said, as she just pieced all the information she had gotten just then._

  


Sam looked up at her with confusion. 

  


_"There's...an isotope that...I'm sure she was after. It...it would prove harmful to the alien race if it were combined with the virus my mother controlled."_

  


Sam's eyes widened. She had no idea that something so potent and possibly so dangerous was housed in the very company she worked for. 

  


_"Are you...are you shitting me?" Sam said in surprise._

  


Lena looked away with shame and shook her head 'no'. 

  


_"Well...what are you going to do? I mean...they probably won't stop at trying to get it and...what the hell else is stored in L-Corp's vaults, Lee?! What else don't I know about?!"_

  


The worry and anger on Sam's face was something Lena wasn't expecting to see. She knew that her brother held all sorts of experiments, technology and bio weaponry in various L-Corp facilities, but she'd only started to uncover what some of those were. A lot of it remained secret and hidden, and it was only by chance that she had uncovered what she had. Knowing all that, she couldn't really divulge that information to Sam without worrying her further, or putting her friend's life in danger. 

  


_"That's all I know of, Sammy," she lied. "I...honestly I only learned about it recently myself."_

 _"Jesus Christ, Lena... Well...you have to get rid of it. Destroy it...do something with it. We can't...this can't fall into their hands. And...and if word ever got out that L-Corp was involved and got twisted to sound like you helped them, then...L-Corp could fall, Lena! Everything...everything that we've worked for could just go down the drain. This can't..."_

  


Lena immediately got up and placed her hands on Sam's shoulders, grabbing her tight to calm her down. 

  


_"Sam..."_

  


The firm hold helped Sam to stop her rambling. She then took a deep breath and held her tongue. Sam normally wasn't the one to panic, and between them both, she was usually the stronger one. 

  


_"I'm sorry. I...this is a lot, you know?" Sam said with a fake smile._

_"I know...I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have brought you into this. I— "_

_"No. No, you did the right thing. Remember what I told you way back when? You need to always let me know when you're in danger, or when something big is happening in your life. You promised me."_

  


Lena's eyes welled up with tears as she nodded her head. Sam then took her into her arms and pulled her in for a hug. They stood like that for a while, until Lena was comfortable and stable enough to stand on her own. They discussed the situation a bit more, and by the time they were done, Lena had decided how she was going to confront her mother, and bring down Cadmus all at the same time. 

  


_"Are you sure you want to do this? This...it could be risky Lena," Sam said with apprehension._

 _"I know, but it's the only way I can stop them."_

  


Sam smiled and hugged Lena tight. 

  


_"You are so much stronger, and so much braver than you give yourself credit for, Lee."_

  


Those words caused Lena to melt and she fell further into Sam. 

  


_"I don't agree with this plan because it puts you in danger, and...I honestly don't trust Lillian for shit, but...I know this is what you want to do, and I trust you."_

  


Lena pulled away from Sam and wiped her eyes, smiling as she did so. When she was ready, she told Sam that in case her plan fell through, that she should inform the authorities of everything she knew. She then gave Sam access to a device that could track her location at any given time. It was a fail-safe, for just in case. 

Sam nodded in agreement, covering up her worry as much as she could, so that she wouldn't add to the stress that Lena was already under. Before Sam left the office, she gave her friend one last hug. 

  


_"I love you Lena. Please, please, please be careful."_

  


Those words, mixed with fear, nervous apprehension and the slight adrenaline rush, caused Lena to instinctively reach up and place her hands on Sam's cheeks, before placing a soft kiss on her lips. 

  


_"I will, Sammy. I love you too."_

  



	37. The Fight Against Lillian and Cadmus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
> 
> 
> (Updated this note/news)
> 
> Guys, not gonna lie. I've been stumped on how to continue ~~this story~~ the next chapter. I got the ideas, but it's not coming out right and it's been that way all week. This chapter is the last one I have in my queue until I literally have to write out the next one. So, that being said, there's a chance I may not have something ready by the next update if my brain doesn't start working with me. (Hoping it doesn't come down to that.) But just in case, you'll know why.
> 
> For the record, it came to my attention that my warning may have come out a bit strong? By delay, I mean maybe a week. :)
> 
> I'll be updating on [Tumblr](https://dreamsescapeus.tumblr.com/) about any delays or progress, so check there if you feel inclined.
> 
> By the way, don't worry. I WILL finish this story. It won't turn into one of my stale WIPs.
> 
> K....Now that that's off my chest. Here's the last chapter in my queue (which by the way, took waaay too long to edit. 😫)
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!
> 
>   
> 

**Past - Lena - 24 Years Old (Two months after the renaming of L-Corp. That same evening after speaking with Sam about the plan.)**

  


Emotions Part XXVIII— Family — A struggling climb in the tracks

  


After discussing with Sam, Lena steadied herself with the plan, going over all the words she had prepared for her mother, and the ruse she was to play. Handling her emotions were also a struggle though, a trying feat all her life, but she was getting better at coping with them when she needed to.

In the past, when she had gotten the courage to look into some mental health references, she found something of interest. However, it wasn't the article that stuck out, but a comment she had read as a response to it. That person had mentioned the use of little boxes to encapsulate their emotions. Responses to that method mentioned that wasn't the healthiest of solutions, but the commenter argued back, saying that over time, it had helped to prove useful for the quick recovery of certain, triggering incidences. Lena thought that having an easy tool like "boxes" to help her regain control over herself in a short span was appealing, even if there were claims of negative results at a later time. Lena had turned her nose up at that though. At the time, she believed that she'd be better than to fall victim to the supposed adverse effects.

With practice, Lena had learned to create these small boxes, though at first, they were flimsy, and her emotions were too strong for them. These imaginary containers collapsed, and it was difficult for her to figure out. Everything, was still very trying. However, she didn't give up. Through trial and error, and with many instances to learn from, eventually, she was able to conquer the idea of using "boxes" to restrain her emotions just enough, to get her through whatever it is that she was dealing with. And on this night, she employed that technique once more so that she could face her mother.

  


_"The Medusa virus. That's why you sent your goon here. For Isotope 454...You're in charge of Cadmus," Lena said with conviction._

_"Is this the part where you lecture me, like you'd lecture Lex?" Lillian countered._

  


The words were all but an admission to the accusation, which stirred up the emotions that Lena was trying to control. She took a deep breath and successfully continued to contain them, just to make sure that she wouldn't ruin her plan.

  


_"No. What you said before...there was truth in that. Ask me for my help and I'll give it to you."_

_"It's that easy?"_

_"It's that easy."_

  


Lena watched as her mother eyed the steel case that housed the canisters Cadmus had sought for. Upon seeing the relief in her mother's face, Lena knew her mother bought the story. A minute later, Lillian acknowledged Lena's offer and took her and the Isotope to the launch site, where she divulged the rest of the plan.

Upon arrival, Lena was shown the rocket launcher that would house the Isotope and the virus. Lena's stomach twisted at the reality of it all; Supergirl's claim of her mother leading Cadmus, the fact that her mother admitted to trying to steal from her to get the chemical compound, and now, the fact that she was standing in front of the rocket's launchpad. If dealing with that information wasn't enough to shake her, her mother's next actions did.

  


_"...it's yours. Take it," Lillian said to Lena as she handed her the keys to the control. "Prove you're with me. Unleash Medusa and end Earth's alien menace once and for all."_

  


Lena hesitated in taking it. It was one thing to be a misleading accomplice to the whole ordeal, but to be the person to actually launch the weapon, was something else. That action that meant so much more than just simply turning a key. It was her mother calling her bluff, or better yet, it was her mother's attempt at inducting her into the organization. Neither idea sat well with Lena, despite having her plan solidly in place. No, it wasn't the the physical activation of the rocket itself that was the problem, it was what it represented and everything it stood for, which really boiled down to being a tangible representation of what the Luthor's resolve was, and her fight against it. And now, as she contemplated her next action, she found herself hovering that line of either falling to her family's legacy or repelling it.

In that short time, Lena steeled herself again, remembering once more the side she stood with, and have always stood with. It was the side _against_ her family. She then took the keys willingly, ready to launch the rocket just as Supergirl arrived, who urged her not to proceed.

  


_"Don't do it, Lena."_

_"Why not? I'm a Luthor."_

  


Lena's heart pounded as soon as those words left her mouth. Her actions, her words, were saying all the things she despised, and it caused knots in her stomach, even though in actuality she was only acting the part. Internally, she kept holding onto her resolve, reminding herself that her intentions were for good, and she was actually siding with Supergirl.

She did find the courage to turn that key though, which took everything she had to do it. A while later, after the dispersion of the virus had failed, and after her mother had been apprehended, Lena was finally able to breathe. She had been wrecked with anxiety the entire time, as she played a dangerous game against her mother, a woman who was just as brilliant as she. It was then that she remembered Lex's lessons from when she was younger:

  


_"Number one. Never argue with mother. You will lose. Every time. Number two. Never, ever show your emotions. Emotions show weakness... You can get your way, while letting her have the illusion that she got hers. If you know how to handle things delicately and intelligently enough, you can get away with it without incident."_

  


She smirked, finally having utilized every bit of Lex's advice against her own mother. There was a sense of satisfaction there, one she had been waiting for, for quite some time. As she started to calm down, she felt better about everything, especially in realizing that she had taken the second biggest step in her life to separate herself from the horrid image of the Luthor name; L-Corp to solidify her stance against Lex's legacy, and now, by bringing down Cadmus, she could step away from her mother's as well.

  



	38. The Truth, Revealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! So sorry for the delay in updating this. Life got in the way and I haven't had the time to think out the rest of this fic. I've been working bit by bit to wrap this up, but it's taking some time. I hope I haven't lost a lot of you guys since the last update.
> 
> Anyway, for now, I'll try to commit to weekly updates, since I have a few chapters now.
> 
> Thanks for your patience.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
>   
> 

**Past - Lena - 24 Years Old (A few days after the Medusa incident.)**

  
Emotions Part XXIX— Family — A sharp turn and sudden drop

  


With only a few days since the incident against Cadmus, Lena hadn't had much time to relax. As her mother's arrest, and the ties to Cadmus slowly came leaking out, it wasn't unexpected that Lena would be caught in the frays, having to deal with the press and authorities about how much she knew and how much she was involved. In addition to that, she had to deal with speaking to her lawyers to make sure that she was protected from anyone attempting to twist her words and slander her name.

Since then, Kara, like everyone else, had gotten wind of Lena's involvement, so it didn't surprise her to know that her friend would show up in her office one day to speak about what had happened. At first the conversation was a bit unnerving. She kept to the specifics of the incident without opening up too much about her personal history with her family. Kara was still so new to her circle, and that trust hadn't fully been established yet. She was guarded when it came to her past or anything that left her vulnerable. Access to them were allowed to a select few. Kara would come to be one of those people at some point, Lena felt, but for now, it was all too early.

A week later, Lena was summoned to testify against her mother. It was inevitable, and her lawyers had already advised her of the possibility of it the day after Lillian was apprehended. Following their counsel, she had done exactly what they recommended, resulting in a rather smooth proceeding. However, later that day, she was met with a slew of calls that required her attention. All of them dealt with what had transpired in court.

By then, Kara was fully up to speed on everything that dealt with Cadmus, Lena's involvement, and the aftermath that ensued, so it came as a relief when she had stopped by for the second time that week to see how Lena was doing.

"...I'm here as a friend. I thought you could use some fried sugary goodness in your life. You eat doughnuts right?"

Lena couldn't help but smile. Having a second friend on her side was something she desperately needed these days, and Kara was always so sweet and supportive. She was a ray of sunshine that somehow helped Lena find clarity in her times of despair. It was quite a different approach than when she sought out comfort from Sam, but regardless, the outcome was always the same. The encouragement she received from the both of them always kept Lena from straying too far from the right decisions; decisions that would have otherwise been clouded by confusion and mistrust.

Her discussion that evening with Kara touched more on her family. She brought up the topic of her mother, and how much she wanted to put all this behind her, believing that she'd "finally shut the door on being a Luthor." However, it all kept coming back. She told Kara about her mother's calls requesting to speak with her in person, but explained how the whole idea was unsettling. Kara though, disclosed to her how she'd wished she had a chance to talk to people she never could anymore, and suggested that Lena should probably go talk to her. Her friend's advice was to take advantage of the fact that Lena's mother was still around, and was still family, regardless of everything that's happened. It wasn't something Lena really wanted to hear, but figured that Kara, like Sam, was probably right in trying to lead her to make the decisions that would be for the best in the long run. Taking her advice, Lena decided that maybe, by speaking to her mother head on about her feelings, she would finally find some closure on the issues she'd had to carry for so long.

  


  


* * *

  


  


The following day, towards the early evening, Lena's mind had wound down to a point where she could finally decide if she was honestly ready to go see Lillian. She tried to remember Kara's words and why it was important to say her peace. After weighing out the pros and cons once more, she realized that it was fruitless. Logic wasn't at play here, and despite what it may have said, right now, what mattered was how she felt. And what she felt was the need to free herself from her family's burden, which unfortunately meant speaking to Lillian directly. So she listened to Kara, and she listened to her heart.

When she arrived at the prison, loud and racing thuds pounded in her chest, her nerves were jittery, and her hands were clammy. She's waited anxiously for this moment, but still felt so unprepared. However, before entering, she stood tall and took a breath. She knew her mother well enough to not let the woman see her turmoil of emotions. So once more, she pushed her feelings aside and shoved them into those familiar tiny boxes.

Prior to their meeting, she had no idea which way the conversation was going to go. She did suspect though, that her mother would try to play her feelings against her like she always did, or find some way to manipulate her for something she wanted. In that respect, Lena knew not to fall for her games. And if there was one thing she did prepare herself for, it was to make sure that Lillian couldn't take advantage of her. There'd already been too much of that.

The conversation started how it always went, with Lillian claiming that she wanted to be better for Lena and that depite everything, she loved her. They were words that Lena always longed to hear, but every time, those words fell short of their meaning when it came out of Lillian's mouth. They were thrown around effortlessly, and always meant to smooth Lena over. However, after many a time of learning the hard way, where her mother's actions never coincided with those words, they've all but lost their meaning. And now, it's become an annoying game, where Lillian would continue to try to harness whatever power those words had over Lena, poking to find that weakness of hers. This time though, Lena stayed strong, hoping to never again succomb to its power. The sad part of it all, was that every time Lillian said that she loved her, it felt like the woman had slashed at her heart, leaving behind shallow surface wounds that never really healed. The pain of wanting to be loved and accepted by her mother, was always something she'd long for and hopelessly wanted, no matter how hard she tried to deny it.

Their discussion quickly shifted though, and in a quite unexpected manner. She never thought that Lillian would go so far as to reveal information about the day she was adopted, why she was adopted, or open up about her birth mother. On top of that, she never expected to hear how Lionel was truly her father, and how Lena was a Luthor by blood and not just by name. After Lillian explained that story, with Lena now knowing the truth, she once more reiterated how much she claimed to want to have a second chance with her, and to the be the mother Lena always wanted her to be. Those words, this time coupled with the extra layer of information she had just been made aware of, made Lena question so much. Perhaps it was an accumulation of the vulnerability of wanting to be loved and accepted, that now, more than ever, made Lena want this; want to believe Lillian's words were the truth. But, there still remained the silent screams of caution in the back of her mind, reminding her of how she'd been duped by this woman so many times before. Lena wondered if maybe, this time it would be real. There had been so much that happened between them, and now that the air had been cleared, she considered that perhaps Lillian was actually ready to make amends and be by her side for once. Her heart won out this time, opting for hope. Whether her choice was foolish or not, was yet to be seen. She reached out her hands to touch her mother's, acknowledging that she was willing to give things a try.

After that encounter, Lena went straight home. The information she had just been given was overwhelming; her emotions were all over the place. She needed to process it all. She poured herself a glass of wine, then went to her bedroom. There, she opened up the top drawer of her night stand and pulled out the same paper clipped memory of her parents that she'd held onto, for all those times when she'd felt alone.

Like she'd done many times before, she slid the tips of her fingers over the names of her parents, scribbled in ink, and circled in a heart. She separated the sonogram photo, and stared at the grainy dot of herself, thinking how everything she'd believed to be true about her family, her "real" family, was false. For a while she was angered at the idea that she was truly a Luthor. The curse of the name that she'd been trying to cleanse, felt stronger now as it coursed through her veins. The knowledge of it was nearly too much. She was disgusted by it. She wondered if that was why she could never honestly escape the hardships of her surname, and in a moment of despair, she wondered if perhaps the easiest way was to flow with it, rather than against it.

The tears began to gather and fall, as her mind continued to swirl with thoughts of negativity and the idea of entrapment. Feeling nothing but sorrow and hopelessness, she slid down to the ground, pulled her knees to her chest and started to sob. Through it all, she continued to hold on tightly to that single piece of paper from her past. Despite what had been revealed to her, it was still the one tangible evidence of her birth mother, a person who taught her to be better, and the only one who truly loved her without question. She wasn't sure why everything was hitting her so hard, but it felt like her world had just started to shatter. She subconsciously started to rock herself back and forth, gasping between the fit of tears.

"Why didn't you just tell me, mom...," she mumbled weakly into her arms.

She wasn't sure what compelled her to say those words, nor did she know what it would've changed if her mother had told her anything. Perhaps there was the inkling of hope that she may have been better prepared her for her life. Maybe. But then again, she was only four before they parted ways.

  



	39. Manipulation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay!!!
> 
> In this chapter, we diverge from canon again. Though this portion was primarily based on 2x22, things are different, such as Metallo escaping and not self-destructing.
> 
> Enjoy! :D
> 
>   
> 

**Past - Lena - 24 Years Old (The Day After Finding Out She Was Really A Luthor.)**

  
Emotions Part XXX— Family — Down we go

  


The next day, things had made another turn for the worse. Metallo, i.e. a walking human experimentation of Lillian's, and formally known as Lena's attacker, John Corben, was sent to testify at Lillian's trial. In the midst his interrogation, he violently attacked the courtroom with the power harnessed from the Kryptonite crystal embedded in his chest. Without much resistance, he made his escape, freeing Lillian in the process. Immediately after the incident, some of the authorities began their search for the missing criminals, while others began to investigate Lena Luthor.

Kara had come to see Lena later that day to warn her of what she had caught wind of, regarding the possibility of Lena's involvement. Lena assumed that fingers would point to her once more, but she truly believed that by testifying against her mother, she would have been absolved of it all. Apparently, she was wrong. She sighed, thinking how the soiled stain of the Luthor name was so difficult to get rid of.

  


"Okay, so... Tell me. What are people saying?" Lena asked tentatively.

"That you may have also visited Metallo."

  


Lena faked a smile, hiding her annoyance. She thought, of course, how convenient it was, that the night she had decided to visit her mother, was also the night that linked her to Metallo's escape. Feeling the anger grow inside her, she immediately turned defensive at feeling betrayed, especially by Kara.

  


"And you think that's something I would do?"

  


Lena watched Kara's reaction and the hesitation on her friend's response didn't help. Lena was ready to snap at her, but was rudely interrupted when a detective named Maggie, burst into her office. Her concern grew heavy when officers arrived with her, realizing that it couldn't be good. While they spoke, she was surprised to know that the woman and Kara seemed well acquainted.

The way the detective had barged into her office, and started acting like she owned the place, didn't quite sit well with Lena. The way she tried to boss Kara away either, didn't help. Maggie quickly got under Lena's skin.

As the detective proceeded to show Lena some surveillance footage that her team had acquired, Lena went into shock. She couldn't believe that she was staring at herself, stealing the Kryptonite that was now in Corben's hands.

  


"That's...that's not me, okay? I don't know where you got that, but it's not me."

  


Her words fell on deaf ears as Maggie proceeded to arrest her. She couldn't believe that this was happening.

Hours later, when she found herself alone in that jail cell, she couldn't help but question everything. She wondered if Lillian was somehow behind this all. She wondered if Kara somehow played a part in all this, considering it was her that heavily suggested that Lena go visit her mother on the day in question. Everything was falling apart, she was more paranoid than ever, and in the midst of it all, she regretted the fact that she hadn't told Sam about anything, before all of this happened.

While she contemplated what she'd have to do next, how she was going to get herself out of this hole, and how she was going to find out who had framed her, she was suddenly interrupted by an unexpected visitor. Metallo. Without much question, the cyborg broke Lena free and forcefully hurried her to an unmarked van, where she saw her mother's face inside.

  


"Of course it was you."

"Surprised? Now, come along dear, we don't want the police to catch us."

  


The ride to their destination was far from pleasant. Lillian continued on with her lecture about how the world was against the Luthors, despite their goals to defend the planet. Her tirade ended with Lillian once more playing the "I love you" card; an attempt to convince Lena that now that she was a fugitive, had no where to go, and no one on her side to save her. She claimed that the only way out of this, was to join Cadmus.

Lena had been an emotional wreck since meeting with her mother the other night in prison, and hadn't yet recovered. So when her mother continued to toy with her vulnerabilities, she couldn't help but break down. Though she tried to hold back the tears, she continued to wither at Lillian's words, fearing that she was right; that there was possibly no other way out of her situation, and that she was too far deep to ever convince anyone otherwise.

What made matters worse, was when they had finally arrived at their intended destination, some remote facility near a mountain range. Lillian brought forth the key to opening one of Lex's coveted vaults. It was one that required Lena's "Luthor" DNA to open it. It was then that everything clicked. Of course she was being manipulated once more. She was a fool to even believe that there was any truth to what Lillian said about wanting her, loving her, or helping her. It was all a ruse to get her to play along, knowing that she couldn't get far without Lena's physical presence.

Despite her refusal to help in her scheme, she couldn't fight off Lillian's cyborg henchman. Forced to comply, the vault opened, revealing some of Lex's treasures. As Lillian and her goons proceeded to raid it, Lillian continued her charade, pushing to Lena to believe that regardless of what her daughter may be thinking, that she was in fact, looking out for her best interests, even if she couldn't see it yet.

  


"Whether you like it or not, I'll always be your mother."

  


Lena felt those words sit heavy in her heart. Out of everything those words could have meant, Lena only felt it to mean that Lillian would continue to cause havoc in her life for as long as she lived, and would drag her along, despite how hard Lena would fight to get away from it all. She had almost lost hope, when Supergirl unexpectedly showed up, and battled with both of Lillian's goons to prevent their escape. Unfortunately, Lena was caught off-guard and was flung hard against the wall, which temporarily knocked her unconscious.

Unaware to her, the fight continued. Though Supergirl held her own against the two modified humans, Lillian pulled out all the stops and utilized one of Lex's anti-Kryptonian weaponry, which paralyzed Supergirl just enough to allow them to get away. In the end, the only good that came out of the whole ordeal, was that Lena had been rescued.

After sorting out the evidence with the authorities, Lena was absolved from anything that tied her to Cadmus or Metallo's escape. It was a long and troublesome process, but she escaped her mother's shadow, one more time. And in the midst of it, she felt guilty for doubting Kara's intentions. When she had learned that Supergirl was sent on behalf of Kara, there was no doubt in her mind that Kara was innocent. It was just her fear and paranoia, that fabricated the concept of Kara becoming just another person who had manipulated her.

When the two friends met up a day later, they finally caught up, and things went back to normal. Though Lena never mentioned the doubt in her mind, she felt like she still owed the woman an apology. She did so, by masking it with her appreciation of Kara's support and for being the driving force behind her innocence, even when all the evidence pointed against her.

After Kara had left, Lena sat solemnly on her sofa, thinking back to everything Lillian had said. She tried to come to terms with the fact that she was a real Luthor. However, she didn't get far when her doors burst open. A furious looking Sam stood before her, and Lena stood up immediately.

  


"Sam, I can explain."

"Damn straight you will. How in the hell was I not aware of you being anywhere involved with that whole Metallo thing? And what about the whole thing about you being involved with Lillian's mess too? And that you were imprisoned, and broke out, but never made one fucking phone call to me? What the hell, Lena?!"

"Sam," she said, walking over to her, taking her arm and guiding her towards the couch. "Darling, have a seat. It's been quite an ordeal, and yes, you have every right to be angry for being kept in the dark. You have to believe me when I say it wasn't intentional."

  


Sam begrudgingly sat down and crossed her arms, waiting for an explanation. Knowing that it'd take a while to calm her best friend down, she took a moment before continuing.

  


"I think I'd better grab the vodka."

Sam scoffed. "At least you're starting this off right, Ms. Luthor," she snarled lightly.

  


Lena huffed with amusement. Despite how angry Sam could get, or how protective she always was, she knew for a fact that Sam would never really hate her for anything she may say. They've known each other for too long, and Lena was convinced that Sam would understand. They shared a deep connection with each other, and knew that they'd always be there for one another. So, as she poured them both a round, she gave a slight smile to her friend. Sam just shook her head and rolled her eyes. It'd be a long night for sure, involving at least one lecture. But at the end of it, Lena knew that she'd feel lighter, since she'd be able to finally unload it all to her best friend; the only one who would eventually put her anger aside to hold and comfort her, through tears and all.

  


**Author's Note:**

>   
> 
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Updates are made ~~daily~~ ~~every other day~~ weekly (and boy am I trying hard to make sure I keep up with that promise).
> 
> I'd love to hear your feedback, so please leave a comment, or find me here on [Tumblr](https://dreamsescapeus.tumblr.com). (I'm dreamsescapeus)


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